Wholesome Relationships, the Fruit of Love

I'm just going to read a portion. I won't take the time to read the whole entire chapter because you can read that on your own, but I'd like to read just beginning in verse 4. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. I'd like to begin this morning's message with a little word association game. If you're willing to cooperate with this and share with someone around you, I'd like you to give me your initial first thing in your mind response to the word. I'll give a word. You tell the person you're next to. If it's a spouse, fine. If it's someone new, that's better. I'm not going to separate marriages here. This is a message on love, but are you ready? If you're a third person, you'll have to go back and forth. Are you ready? First thing in your mind now. First image. Ready? Here's the first word. Muslim. Oh, man. That's a tough one, huh? Now, just Muslim. Don't talk about what you did yesterday. Just Muslim, all right? All right, second word. Hindu. Oh, boy, that's a tough one. All right, I'll make it a little easier. Here's the third one. Mormon. Salt Lake City. All right, go ahead. I'll help you with that, all right? How about this one? Jehovah Witness. Torbell. All right. That's it. Now, how about this one? Born-again Christian. First image. Go ahead. Should I wait? You still thinking? I wish I had one of those soon-to-be-in- everyone's-hand electronic calculator, tabulator things, and I could just get all of your responses because I'd like to see what you think. First image. I've discovered that when I've been able to remain somewhat anonymous and not let my pastoral identity be discovered and get into conversations with people about Christianity, and I ask them things like, you know, do you know any Christians? And they'll say, well, yeah, I know a few. I say, well, what are they like? And they'll say something like these words, their impressions. Well, they're narrow. They're reactionary. They keep to themselves. They're kind of isolated, not interested in stuff I'm interested in. They're shallow, self-righteous. I hear that one a lot. They say I feel uncomfortable when I get around Christians because they just seem better than me. Or then I hear this one. I don't like this one. I hear it all the time. They're hypocritical. First impression, hypocritical. Now, part of this is a media image thing, no doubt about it. Part of it's what they've been taught to believe. You know, have you ever seen a Christian portrayed in a positive light in a recent TV movie or a pastor? I mean, most pastors are perverts and thieves. Not here. Lord willing. How few really positive statements I hear about Christians in the marketplace in general. I'd love to hear things like, Christians? Oh, I know some Christians. They're people of incredible integrity. Or they're compassionate people. Oh, Christians? I've seen them do far beyond what was expected of them. Christians? I know Christians. They're my most dependable employees. Christians? Humble people. They always tell the truth. Caring people. I'd love to hear things like that, but I normally don't. And yet Jesus said in Matthew 7.16, in the context of true and false believers, He said, by their fruit will you recognize them. This is how we should be known. Now, that list of characteristics that I just mentioned is strangely similar to the ones that we find in Galatians 5.22. You don't need to turn there. The nine fruits of the Spirit are listed there, and that's going to be basically the foundation text for the next nine weeks in this new series that I'm calling Health Food. The Fruits of the Spirit for Wholesome Relationships. And I have a twofold purpose in this series of messages. First of all, to strengthen our relationships, our marriages, our friendships, our home groups, our relationships as people of God. And second, that we might somehow grow in character so that the world could recognize us as being Christians in a positive way. And so, let's start. Are you ready with the first fruit? What's the first one in the list? Gave it away already. Get this right. It's love. It's love. In the mid-80s, Hugh Lewis wrote a song and made a smash hit called The Power of Love. Remember that song? And in it, he talked about what love could do when it impacted people, and you know, it got through. It's the highest of all the fruits. And in fact, the Scripture says, I think we have this on Colossians chapter 3, Beth, if you'll flash that up there. In Colossians 3, Paul is writing about kindness, patience, gentleness, and so on. He says, and over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Love is the highest and best fruit. So, in a way, listen to this one and you might get all the rest of them as a bonus. It's the best that we can do. The question, however, is how do we measure our love quotient? If I just left it to subjectivity, we could all say, hey, I'm doing pretty well. Or we might say, I'm not doing very well at all. And I want to offer to you sort of a five-fold test. Now, this is going to require a little more participation. I see some of you already have your notes out. Everyone get your notes out of your North Way notes. Get your little blue insert page because I need you to take a little self-evaluation. Are you ready? Hello? Ready? Okay, take your notes. Here we go. The first thing I want you to look at is this. This is easy, all right? This won't be embarrassing to you. I wish I had a meter. Have you ever seen those meters like a Kennywood where you walk up to them, measure your love thing, and you grab that pistol grip, and you go like this? Carol and I did that once. The kids were there. I stepped up to it, you know, and I went like this thing, and the light went up like one notch, you know, like cold fish or whatever it has down there. Everyone's surrounding this thing, and she walks up and goes like this, and goes, you know, wow, passion again, you know. We don't have anything like that here, but we need something to measure this. Here we go. Number one. One way you can measure how you're doing. Love is patient. First Corinthians 13.4. It's patient. It's alive when it has time for people that you love. It's dying when it's always in a hurry and rushed, and it's dead when it can no longer wait. Love is patient. We learn to wait with people that we love. We wait for them for marriage. We wait with them to get over an illness. We wait with them to fulfill dreams, to have kids, to share together, to pursue life. We wait with them, but the toughest part of relationships is waiting for someone to come along. In fact, Ephesians 4 and verse 2, I think it this way. Waiting for someone requires of us to be humble and gentle, to be patient with each other, making allowances for each other's faults because of your love. How many of you know once you get married, you realize that you married someone that has a few more faults than you discovered before the marriage? And when you're in love, you're patient, making allowances for one another's faults. Patience allows for the faults that bug you and the faults that look like they'll never get over. Love is patient and allows for people to just kind of keep growing along, to overcome those things which seem to be obstacles. Every time I get impatient with someone that I love, the Lord reminds me, Jay, just remember this. Remember how patient I've been with you in waiting for you to come along. I just recently, in fact this week, had an experience where I reacted to something in a way that I have stumbled with for 30 years that I know doesn't make God happy. And I did this, you know, and it was kind of a reaction to something and I right away said, Oh Lord, I blew it. I'm really sorry. I said, Would you forgive me? And I felt the Lord said yes. And you know one of those little meters that has the corner that goes ding ding, ding ding, you know, every time something like 2,796 times Lord says, Yes, I'll forgive you again. I'll forgive you again. I'll forgive you again. He's patient. He's waiting for me to grow out of this. And I've been therefore because he's patient with me, I can be patient with those around me. Patience to grow, patience to change. Remember in your key relationships, you give yourself a high mark there if you're patient. Give yourself a low mark if you're in a hurry and give yourself a real low mark if you just can't wait anymore. Number two, love is kind. Verse four says love is kind. It's alive when it cares. It's dying when it forgets and it's dead when it ignores. Some of you just had an anniversary or a birthday or a special event and you didn't hear from someone that you love. How'd you feel about that? They don't care. And you can easily project and say they don't really love me. What is kindness really mean? We're gonna have a whole message on this a little bit later. Kindness is here's a definition if you have someplace to write it on the on the fringe there or the border. Kindness is demonstrating care for each other in the practical details of everyday life. That's being kind. Kindness is the grand are the grand vows of your wedding ceremony translating into going out and washing the dishes and taking out the trash and going with her to her mother's because she's sick or whatever. You see it's going that extra mile, an act of kindness. Kindness are the great hopes of that little bundle in the hospital nursery now becoming your turn to change the diapers or get up and feed the baby at 4 in the morning. That's kindness. Love is kind. Love means I have to adapt myself to meet the practical needs of the person that I'm committed to. Love costs you something. Kindness is expensive. It isn't something you just sort of oh yeah I'll take care of that. I mean you have to demonstrate that at your own expense. Sometimes we don't want to do that. You know if you look over at the Hallmark shop you see all these cards over there ways you can send a love greeting. One of my favorites is this. If I had an ice cream cone we could share licks. If I had six pieces of candy you'd get three. If I had two apples one would be yours. If I won the lottery I'd send you a postcard from Hawaii. I mean that's not the value system we want to have here. See it's okay to say kind words, caring words, but it's much better to act. Isn't it? It's much better to act. In fact Ephesians 4 32 says it this way. There's two specific actions that kindness always brings forth. Flip back there if you have your Bible still open on your lap. It says be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. There's two things about kindness. It's always tender-hearted and it's always forgiving. You see in relationships if you love someone forgiveness is an absolute necessity. How many of you discovered you can't last very long in a relationship unless you're willing to forgive? And I want to say this. It's a mark of your maturity. The shortness of the gap from when the offense occurs to when you extend forgiveness that tells me just how mature you are. Because a kind person isn't easily offended and quickly offers forgiveness. So yeah but you don't know how hard it is. You don't know how difficult it is to be with this person, this boss, or this friend, or this spouse. And just when you think that thought you've discovered that God says oh by the way do you know how many times I've forgiven you? Do you know how many times I have kept my heart soft toward you? Yes Lord I do remember that. Number three love is alive when it's secure. It's dying when it's doubting and it's dead when it stops trusting. Look at first Corinthians 13 for in the second half of the verse it says it does not envy, does not boast, and is not proud. You can write over that it's secure. How many discovered that arrogant prideful people are generally very insecure? I mean generally they are simply masking their insecurities with their arrogance and pride. Security makes relationships work. We build it into our relationships because if you don't have security it is very difficult to love. And if you don't know where you stand with someone it's hard to know how to love them. Have you ever discovered that like with your kids you know if you don't know where they are and what they're doing you find it real hard to trust. You know insecurity starts to build some walls. Maybe you're in a relationship where people are you know maybe maybe your spouse is working 12 or 14 hours a day and they're not communicating and you lose the sense of security. What are you doing all those hours? And pretty soon you see walls go up and relationships get strained. Maybe there's a parent in your life that you haven't communicated how much you love them and they have an insecurity. Do they really matter anymore? When's the last time you told them that? Maybe the most important thing you could leave here with today from this message is to go to someone that you love and tell them listen no matter what no matter what happens to you no matter what we go through I love you and I'm committed to you and I'm not going to change. That may be a powerful thing that you need to say. Number four love is alive when it's giving. It's dying when it's bartering and it's dead when it's taking. Alive when it's giving, dying when it's bartering and dead when it's taking. In our culture you hear a lot about give-and-take relationships. You know sort of the fair exchange principle in the business world you know you do this for me and I'll take care of you this way. I mean that's the way a lot of things get done. But dear ones the love of God needs to be different. We don't have a tick-for-tack kind of thing in our relationships in God and I'm not talking about romantic love here although listen up those of you who are kind of looking for a romantic love be very cautious. Sometimes those flowers that you get and that candy that you receive and those cards and that nice dinner there's some reason why it's coming. It's not just unconditional love. Jeff talked three weeks ago about the kind of love that God gives us. It's unconditional. It's not looking for a specific response. Real love, agape love, the love we're talking about here gives without reference to the response and this my dear brothers and sisters is a very rare commodity. The Bible says that God so loved the world that He hello gave His only Son and what did the world by and large do with His only Son? Rejected Him, trampled Him underfoot. Sacrificial giving is something we don't see very often. You know I see a whole lot more people who like to talk about themselves and like to listen to someone else. I see a whole lot more people who are more interested in responding to something than they are initiating. I don't see that many people who ask about you rather they prefer to talk about them. More people look how to receive, how they can get the best spot, do this, do that rather than to give and it's such a powerful thing when somebody sacrificially gives without any expectation of response. How many of you know that gets a hold of you? I had an experience like that this week. Let me put it in context. Three months ago as I shared with you in previous messages I was going through a time of personal cleansing and healing and I purchased a CD in our bookstore which was very powerful. I mean I hadn't heard music like this in a long time and it ministered to my spirit and so in the midst of my study time I wrote a letter to the composer of this CD and it took us about two weeks to get his address. It turns out he lived in England and we wrote to him. I just said to him how much his music administered to me and I said by the way you know we're praying here at North Way for God's long-term person to head up our music program and if you know anybody of your spirit would you just write me back and let me know. We didn't hear anything for maybe six, eight weeks or so and then out of nowhere we get a phone call from England and the person that I had written to responded and said thank you for the letter and well by the way I'm coming to America and I'd like an opportunity to meet with you. I was really impressed and so we made some arrangements and he was out on the other side of the state and I tried to figure out how to get out there and back in a day and I've never met this person. Well then the next thing I know he is, to use his term, hiring a car and driving across the state of Pennsylvania at his own expense with a couple of companions simply because he wanted to say I love you. I love the spirit that I received from reading this letter. He showed up at our door here on Tuesday afternoon and we spent several wonderful hours with him that day and then again in the morning and I don't know what anybody else will ever get from this but I can tell you what happened to me. A man responded with no, he didn't want an offering, he wasn't looking for the position, he's not looking to do a conference or get some albums sold, he didn't come in with a suitcase. He came at his own expense and said I'm here to encourage you, to love you and to somehow help you to press on and I want you to know it was a gift from God to me. You say well you know what he might have driven all the way across the state and you've not even been here. Well we kind of arranged the date but he could have driven all the way right across the state and found that I really wasn't open to anything he had to say. You see love takes risks. Love that gives has to be willing to be rejected and that is very difficult for us to do. Some people say I'd just rather protect my heart. I don't want someone to go and break it. I don't want to give up myself and then find that later on I'm ignored again. Listen to what C.S. Lewis wrote, would you? To love it all, he said, is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrong and possibly broken. If you want to be sure of keeping it intact you must give your heart to no one. Lock it up safe in the casket or the coffin of your selfishness but in that casket safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken but it will become unbreakable, impenetrable and irredeemable. And he said the only place outside of heaven where you can be safe from all the dangers of love is hell. It's powerful isn't it? Love is a risky thing but it gives. Someone's got to be thinking well I don't feel any love anymore. How can I demonstrate love to a spouse or a friend? I don't feel it. Have you discovered that sometimes you can act your way into feelings? It's a very powerful thing. Sometimes if you just act like you want to feel, you'll find that the feelings will trail along and get right up with you. It's a powerful thing. Love is giving. It's true for individuals and by the way it's true for churches. Love that's alive is loyal. And again I want to say this is true in personal relationships. It's also true in the body of Christ. It's true in marriages. It's true in friendships. To honor someone, to speak well of them behind their back. Look what it says at the end of verse 7. Look at verse 7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Dear ones, now let's take a look at that list. Scott if you'll hand me your sheet please. I'd like to read yours. What I'd like you to do, those five characteristics, maybe just put a little X where you are in the continuum. Patient, I've got a lot of patients with the ones I love. Well you know what? I've been kind of rushed. Well you know what? I can't wait for a minute. Go ahead. Go ahead and do it. Mark each one of those and then evaluate yourself. How am I doing? If someone came up and shook your apple tree, what fruit would fall today? Let me conclude with this. What can we do about it? Well one thing that every person in this room has to understand to begin with is the only way that you can love the way we've talked about today is by receiving the love of God. This is not a love that we generate. This doesn't come from a human source. The kind of love we've talked about, the Bible says is found only in God. In fact, if we'll put up 1st John chapter 4 and verse 19 please. I'd like you all to read this with me. This is the source of our love. It says this, we love because He first loved us. Let's read it again. We love because He first loved us. Leave it up for just a moment. We love because He first, first loved us. Not just love God. We love one another that way. With all the people that walk up to you, with all the demands in your lives, your spouse, your kids, your boss, your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers, your pastors. How do you keep exuding love? Well you've got to first receive it. You've got to know the love of God. And dear ones, if there's just a handful of you here today, there may be quite a few of you who have never really personally experienced the patient, kind, forgiving, secure love of God in Jesus Christ. That's the beginning point of everything that's going to flow out of your life. Either you're drawing on an empty well or you've discovered the well of living water that comes from Christ. You say, well Jay, I think I am but I'm not sure I'm a Christian. You know something church, we need to be very careful how we judge people. I think God alone is the judge of all man. But I can say this, if your orientation in life is more along the lines of taking, rushing, hurrying through, if more along the lines of disloyalty, all those kinds of things, then maybe you need to examine whether or not you've received the love of God in Christ. You say, well how much do I, how do I know that God loved me like you're saying? The only thing I can do is say, look at the cross. The cross is the demonstration that God loved you despite everything about you. You know, I get so many letters that I can't share with you, but every once in a while some letters come through that are powerful statements from people. I got a couple in the last few weeks I saved up for this message. People write letters and they say things like this, I couldn't get over the fact that God loved me in spite of my follow-ups, my failures, and my rebellion. One person wrote and said, God loves me even though I know I was self-willed, self-seeking, and self-promotional. Another person wrote and said, I discovered this amazing love of God even though I was so ashamed of myself and I hated myself so much I couldn't even love myself. God loved me. I was pulled in by the power of His love. Then another person said, when I discovered that salvation was a free gift, it wasn't something I did to jump on a religious treadmill and try to catch up and do good works. And folks, there are still some of us here today that think that God loves you as long as you're good. I want you to know God loves you just as you are, and He wants to bring you along in goodness as you learn to trust. You got to open to the love of God first. And second, for many of us here, we need to renew the love of God. Lamentations 323 says, His mercies are new every morning. You see, every day, I like to use this analogy. I've done it before, but I still think it's a good one. In our worship life, in our times before God, every day we need to plug in. Plug into God and receive a fresh baptism of His love. You know, I couldn't imagine going through a day for very long without a shower. In fact, a few times I've been away with the elders and we've kind of roughed it and gone without showers. It's been a foul experience. I don't even know that. And I sense my spirit gets just as kind of dirty. And I need every day to get the shower of God's love. Kind of just cleaning off the crud and refilling me with His joy. And folks, sometimes you have time to do that in a thorough way. And sometimes you just need to have your eyes open to see what God's saying to you. He's sending His love messages in our answers to prayer, in meeting our needs, in the sunrise that He'll paint tomorrow morning that you'll say, God, thank you. I see your love. In the forgiveness that someone extends to you, in the evil that God keeps you from walking into. In the new idea that didn't come from you that suddenly is a great thing in your life. My worth to God is affirmed over and over and over again as His love is demonstrated to me. And I just need to be more conscious of it. It's kind of like, you know, we need to take those, you know, those little phones that have the antennas you pop up. Maybe your car radio antenna. It just needs to get a little higher. Because God is always sending messages for those who have their antenna up to receive them. Third, once you've been filled, you need to remain in the love of God. Remain in the love of God. How do I do that, Jay? I feel like I've got a leak. God's love just pours out of me. Well, Jesus said this, abide in my love and you will bear fruit. How do we do it? Well, that's the job of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit wants to walk with you and remind you day by day, moment by moment, of the voice of God and the will of God for your life. It becomes a very natural thing. One thing I discovered, this brother that visited with us from England, he was a very tender hearted and very spirit sensitive man. But he wasn't weird. You know, he didn't come in like, he was very real. In fact, one of our staff members took him out to dinner and all they did was laugh for two and a half hours. And yet I still sense that that reality had a depth of a spiritual foundation that came out in a natural way. I don't think Jesus was weird. I think he was real. And I think as you abide in God, he causes your ordinary decisions to be supernatural ones. Oswald Chambers says, you become the will of God as you abide in the Holy Spirit. Jesus said this, obey my commands and you will remain in my love. How do I do that? I just listen to the Holy Spirit. And he tells me what to do. The fruit of the Spirit is love. You want to know the truth about me? I want to be loved like we've talked about today. I mean, with patience and kindness and security and a giving spirit and loyalty. In fact, if I could be really honest, I'm starving for that kind of love. And in addition to that, I want to be known for it. Sometimes when I think if God would take me home, I'm not sure it would be. I'm not sure how people would remember. But I want to be. I wish that when someone mentioned my name, they'd rip off a dozen examples of love. And not the first list that I described. The truth is, church, if I have my finger on the pulse of you as well, you're starving for the love that I'm talking about, too. You're looking for someone to come forward and say, I'm going to love you and not expect anything back. I'm going to look for ways to serve. I'm going to be loyal. I'm going to be patient and kind. And you want to be that kind of person, too. But it won't happen until we acknowledge our need, until we have some moments with God when we encounter the reality of Christ's love once again afresh to us. We look to him and in worship, drink of his love and say, fill me up, Lord. Move me out into my relational world with patience and kindness and security and a giving spirit and honor. I yearn for the day that when people say, Christian? Sure, I know some Christians. They're the most loving people I know. I believe God will be pleased. Let's stand and pray together.