Take This Job And...Love It III, Working Mothers, Motivated or Misguided

Let's move into the Word, shall we, this morning. And I'm going to begin where I have a couple of times in this series, in Genesis chapter 1, called Beginning in the Beginning. The theme, in case you missed it, is women in the marketplace or working moms motivated or misguided. Verse 26, Genesis 1, Then God said, Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground. And so God created man in his image. In the image of God, he created them, male and female. He created them. Now, when I began to look at this subject carefully over the last couple of weeks, two facts quickly emerged. First of all, it's a very relevant and vital topic, whether you're a Christian or not. I have to say many families in our church have wrestled with this whole question. Should women work? Particularly should moms be in the workplace? The second thing I quickly discovered was that there are no black and white answers to be found anywhere. You know, this week on Pittsburgh's Talking, the hostess there interviewed, that was the subject of the day, Tuesday or Wednesday it was, and she was getting this feedback from a panel of folks who were in various stages of agreement about what they felt concerning working moms. And one female attorney, when asked what she thought really her response would be when her kids said, well, gee, mom, you know, we kind of miss you around the house. Her response was, quote, well, children learn to go with the flow, and I'll get over my guilt feelings anyhow. You see, this is a topic that's not just, you know, here and there. It's every day for most of us. Our statistics show us that 54% of all women work outside the home. In metropolitan areas, Washington, D.C., that figure is 78%. Yet, at the same time, 80 to 90% of the work in the home is done by, how many of you say it's 99%, ladies? I was reminded of that last night. You know, this summer, when I spent three and a half weeks up in a cottage on my own up in the mountains, I learned something of what you go through just to keep house. You know, I thought I was going to have lots of time to just read and kick back and study, and after the first few days, I was, you know, spending all my time cooking and then cleaning up and then making my beds and, you know, so finally I went and I got a microwave oven. Now there's no washing. There's no cooking. You just put the thing in, push a button, eat it, and throw it away. I love that. That saved me hours. But I have to admit, after a few weeks of that, it does get, you know, kind of the same tasting. So ladies, I know, and I want to say up front on this message, if you don't have any other responsibilities in your life than working in the home and raising kids right now, then I understand that's a full-time job. I don't need, I'm not in any way demeaning that, as you'll see as I go through the message. But I have to say also that so many women are working and are faced with the pressures of needing to make ends meet and all the rest that I feel this subject has to be addressed. You know, most subjects that don't have black and white answers and are controversial, you know what pastors do with those? That's, hey, goodbye, you know. It's no win. I want you to know I'm prepared. I'm prepared today. If after this message you don't agree, I went out and I said, well, just in case, just in case things get tough, I got this. This not only disguises me, but it protects me. So, all right. Well, I just want you to know I'm going to keep that around for after the message at the Some of you don't agree. Here we go, Don. Thank you. Now, though there aren't black and white answers, I want you to know something on this point. There is something to be said. Number one, if you haven't discovered this yet, and I'm sure with all of our visitors today there are some of you who are wondering, you know, what difference can God make in this issue? Number one, Jesus Christ was the greatest woman's liberator of all time. If you do any kind of objective study of history, you'll find that Jesus gave more credibility, more honor, more value to women than anyone that preceded him, who was a trendsetter. I mean, that word doesn't do Jesus justice, but a social formation kind of person. Jesus honored women and gave them a place of great significance. Secondly, his word does give us some guidelines about things which I think will help you to make these decisions. And let me say, men and women, these decisions, if you're married, need to be made together. And the word I'm going to share today I hope will give you some sense of parameters, things that you can consider if you're facing these decisions. First, I want to say this. This is on our outline. I want to affirm the glory of women as it relates to the marketplace. And when I say marketplace, I also want you to know I'm talking about out there in the workforce and talking about the kingdom of God. I'm talking about the place operating within the function of God's kingdom in the church. You see, we read today that God created women in his image, created in his image, fully in the image of God. There's not a lesser level there among women. That's a misconception. When we talk about the relationship of men to women, we know that God in that role, husband and wife, there's a different role to be fulfilled. And that's not the topic of today in marriage. But women are created fully in the image of God. Male and female, created he them. Not everyone just go, whew, all right? So that's in the word. And as part of that image, God, ladies, put into you gifts, talents, and abilities. You've got great gifts from God, great abilities, great talents that he's given to you. Both the Old and New Testaments give abundant illustration of this. I just gave a passing look through some of the things. Deborah in Judges 4 and 5 is raised up to be the leader of the Israelites and to judge over the people and fill a gap that had been opened up in the people. And that happened on numerous occasions. Proverbs 31. How many of you have ever, men, have read Proverbs 31 to your wife and said something you shouldn't have said and regret it, huh? Interestingly, Proverbs 31, as I did a little more thorough examination of it this week, I discovered eight references in Proverbs 31 to marketplace types of functions. It says here, for example, Proverbs 31, verse 16. She considers a field and buys it out of her earnings. She plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously. Her arms are strong for the task. She sees her trading as profitable. And her lamp does not go out at night. And there are several other ones in there indicating that the Proverbs 31 woman is not just simply making the beds and the stereotypical thing, barefoot in the kitchen and pregnant. But she's busy about multiple kinds of things. And ladies, that's the issue, is that there are choices out there for every woman today. I could go on to the New Testament, Acts chapter 16. Lydia, an exemplary person raised up in the New Testament, Lydia is said to be a seller of purple and quite wealthy. And so there's indications. There's other things in the New Testament. Jesus dealt with a woman by the name of Mary of Bethany who had a perfume that was so expensive that she poured the thing on Jesus' feet, remember that, and washed it with her hair. And the disciples said that was worth a year's wages. And so there's all these indications that there were women who had some means and there was a place for women in the marketplace. And that's why as I look at this and see that God's endowed women with these gifts and talents and abilities, and I believe when He did that, He had the idea in mind that they would use them. Now amazingly, even this week I was told on the radio, one of the prominent radio preachers was saying how he feels that a woman's place, rightly according to the Bible, is in the home. And I hear people talk about, once in a while I'll come across a man who'll say, not my wife, she's never going to work. Her place is in the home. With that kind of a tone to it. And I want to say to him, listen Archie, let me ask you, do you love your job? Do you draw some sense of satisfaction from the things you accomplish in the workplace? Do you enjoy using your gifts and talents and developing them some? Do you enjoy the satisfaction you get when you accomplish a task and you get a well done from a co-worker? Do you like the feeling of receiving a paycheck and being able to make some discretionary purchases and maybe give some of it away to the things of God? Do you enjoy all the rewards that you gain from making a difference? Do you enjoy all that? Well, yeah, I guess I do. Well, did it ever cross your mind that your wife, who was after all created in the image of God just like you, given gifts, talents and abilities just like you, that she too might enjoy receiving some of those same benefits? Now the typical Archie would say, yeah, but she gets it from the kids. And I'm thankful she does. But Archie, listen here. What about the day that's coming? What day? The day when at the end of the line all those little ones that were filling the nest now are growing up and leaving it. And the day will come, Archie, when the whole purpose for mom, functionally speaking, has ended. Then what, Archie? Then what do you have? You know what you have? You have what we see happening in millions of women. They go through a crisis. Who am I? I'm 42, 45, 48 years old. I've got 30 or 40 years of life left. I don't know anything about, really, what I can do to make a difference. How many marriages do you know that crack at that point? Because they were built around just that function. You see, it's, I think, absolutely crucial, and there's a lot of young women here today, that you understand, younger women, that life needs to be viewed as in seasons of preparation. And I did a study here and realized that most younger women today are recognizing that when they get into their 20s and 30s, that they may still be functioning in a way that will enable them to be useful and feeling a sense of worth in the things that they're pursuing. Now, interestingly, as I have a teenager myself, I've been raising some of these questions. And, you know, the prevailing thing when many of us were younger was, you know, gee, you go to high school and hopefully go to college if you have the opportunity. And somewhere in that time zone, from 18 to 23, I mean, that's when everybody's really hunting, right? And, wow, we get out there and we really take a look and we start, you know, planning everything and, you know, we just put all of our energies, focus our efforts at getting married in that particular section of our lives. And I have to say to you, more and more and more, we need to see marriage, particularly at a young age, as an option for young women, not as, you know, a necessity in order to be happy. I have a lot of yearnings in my heart for my daughter, as I'm sure most parents do for their children. The greatest yearning I have is that she loved Jesus Christ with all of her heart. I mean, that's the greatest thing. And I don't do the best job I could as a dad to kind of impart that and model that, but I really try to. And then, number two, I want to give her a healthy sense of esteem, you know. Enough people are telling all of us that we're not worth much, but I want her to know that she is. And the third thing I'm trying to do more and more these days is to tell her that she has gifts and talents and abilities that she can develop and use to serve God and to make a future for herself. You know, marriage is wonderful, but it isn't necessarily the thing that everyone's going to do. There are people here who have been single all their lives. And we need to break that stereotype and help young women to prepare for life in all of its different choices and options. My main point, though, is that women have options out there, and they've been given gifts by God to use and employ. Now, I want to say right at this juncture, I know there are women here today who say, well, it has nothing to do with my gifts and abilities. I have to work. I have to work. I discovered this list of eight categories of women functioning at home and in the marketplace. See if you're covered by one of these. First of all, there's the traditional homemaker. Those are the ones who agree with their husbands that a wife should stay at home. Now, don't put your hand up, but when you think you've seen you, you can nod your head or something, all right? Then there's defiant homemakers. Those are the ones who insist on staying at home even though their husbands want them to work. Now, heads are going. Watch it. There are submissive homemakers. Those are the ones who want to work, but their husbands want them to stay at home. There's reluctant homemakers. Ones who want to work and their husbands agree, but a family problem or lack of training holds them back. There's reluctant working wives who wish they didn't have to work, but their financial situation demands it. Those are the ones I just referred to. You know, I discovered that I think it's 60 percent of all jobs or 55 percent of all jobs in America don't supply enough income to meet a family's needs, all right? Then there's submissive working wives who want to keep house, but their husbands say, no, you get out there and work. Then there's defiant working wives. They work because they want to, even though their husbands don't like it. I'd like to see those, please. Would you just... And finally, then there's what they term contemporary working wives who are working, and that's what both they and their husbands want. So there's all different kinds of combinations. To me, the motivation may be somewhat different, but the rewards and challenges are the same no matter what. All right, so we have women who I believe God's fashioned to be functional and productive and fruitful in the marketplace. But then, number two, we've got a dilemma. I want to acknowledge that we have a dilemma, and the dilemma occurs particularly when children come on the scene. You see, it's one thing when your option is if you're single or if you're married but no children. It's one thing to look out there and see all these opportunities in the marketplace and realize, as most women would affirm, that every one of them might give you fulfillment, might be exciting to you. I have to say this. If you're a female today and you're heading into a career, you know that in a male-dominated marketplace, it's very difficult. It's very difficult. Most women tell me just to get where men are in the same kind of jobs, they have to give a whole lot more effort. I saw this one bumper sticker that said, Women have to work twice as hard and be twice as good as men in order to get ahead. Fortunately for us, it's not difficult. Just think about it, all right? And so that career path is challenging, but when you bring children into the scene, there are many moms who'd say right now, stand up and say, The most demanding job in the face of the earth is to raise two or three preschools. And there are many dads who've been through it that would say, There's no argument for me about that, all right? And I know I'm not going to be talking that much to fathers today about all these different things, but I think the implications are quite clear. You see, it takes a mom giving her best to children. If those kids are not just going to be survivors, but they're going to be victors in society. You know, it isn't like we're raising kids these days, you know, just to kind of step out of the hut and go in and till the field someplace. How many of you know kids being raised today are facing things that you and I didn't dream of, parents? I mean that. You know, well, we had peer pressure and those kinds of things, and we may have had a little bit of concern about some kind of a sexually transmitted disease. We didn't have AIDS. We didn't have drugs available practically at every corner of our schools. We didn't have the kinds of things out there that are just ready to snare kids into a lifestyle. And, you know, I am told by so many people who deal with kids who have these kinds of problems that many of them were very, here we go, normal kids who just kind of got caught up in it because it was there. And kids today are facing pressures like, you know, the economics of it all are very distressing. Many, many kids feel like they have to get jobs when they're 15 just to get, you know, and I'm talking about because they feel like they have to, you know, just to have stuff. There's all kinds of pressures out there, and the morals of the country are just slowly eroding. You know, the Pittsburgh Press, I have varying views from them mostly, but they had an editorial this week, The Eroding Family. One thing they say here in this main editorial is this. They said, The fruits of sexual liberation and the tearing down of taboos undertaken in the 60s have left us with what's been called trickle-down morality, and behavior once confined to daring elites has taken its toll throughout society. Who's going to raise kids to live in a society like that? It's not going to be the nursing or the daycare centers, rather, or the nannies or the, you know, the full-time in the house, all the babysitters one after another marching through the house. Those kind of people will not be able to impart to the kids the quality of life, the values of life, the necessary bonding that needs to be there. It takes a full-time mom, and it takes a dad, too, who knows how to care and give the kids the time they need. And so a woman looks out, and she sees these avenues of job satisfaction and expression and fulfillment, and she has a yearning there, but she also sees these kids, and she has this maternal desire to raise them. And so what has the world's answer been to this? Should we all stand up? Supermom! Wakes up in the morning, does everything with the kids, goes and does her 9 or 10 hours in the job, comes back, whips up this wonderful dinner, does the kids' homework for some minutes, and, you know, at 10, 11 o'clock at night, she just goes into the bedroom and everything's great, and we've got to do the next day. Supermom! The more and more I read about supermom, the more and more I recognize that she doesn't exist. Oh, she may be able to juggle for a while, but she doesn't exist. The more and more I hear stories like this one woman who writes, I'm spread so thin right now that I don't think I can be devoted to anything else. I'm an overworked professional, an overtired mother, a part-time wife, and a fair-weather friend. What descriptors those are? What is she saying? She's saying, I can't do it all. I can't keep it up. An overworked professional eventually is going to hit the wall. An overtired mother. What happens to kids who sense that mom's just barely getting through the day? They feel they're getting leftovers. What happens in their attitude? What about a part-time wife? How long will a marriage survive when a husband feels that he's just getting exhausted, weary responses and communication? A fair-weather friend. Someone who's not able to be available to build relationships. Listen, where is a woman like that headed? I think she's headed into a disaster. And unfortunately, those kind of unravelings have very serious tolls. Usually, it can end up in affairs and all kinds of things like that. You see, this woman is saying what so many are saying, you just can't have it all. But I'd like to just alter that a bit and say this. You just can't have it all at the same time. Let me give you the third point today, and that's this. Would you consider accepting some alternatives for those for whom career development and mothering are choices? Let me propose some biblical considerations. Ecclesiastes, which is a book most of us don't spend a lot of time in, in the Old Testament, reads this way. Chapter 3, verses 1 through 5. There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. You all know that. A time to be born, a time to die, and so on. A time to build, a time to tear down. I want to submit to you that maybe both of those deep yearnings and desires in women could be better served by seeing their lives in terms of seasons or eras in which they are at specific times exercising the particular gifts that they have. Number one, you may want to jot these down. If you're a younger woman, this could save you an awful lot of pain, if you understand what I'm saying. If you're an older woman, you may have someone that does too. There's the preparation season, a season when you can identify your gifts and talents and develop them. Education is a marvelous thing, whether the Holy Spirit is doing it or you're going to school. I think a lot of attention should be given to young women discovering their gifts and abilities. Then there's a time in the younger years when you can exercise your vocational ability. You get out of school and you're able to get in the marketplace and do some things and just find your way on into your career or into the church, wherever God would send you. Then you come into those years that we'll call the child-raising years. I want to submit to you that in this season, if it's at all possible, women should give themselves fully to the raising of their kids. Everything that we know from psychologists and studies, and I think it's clear in God's Word as well, that the first six or seven years are the most formative, and certainly the most ten, are the most formative years in a kid's life. If moms are available to give their gifts and their abilities and their interests and devote them, if they can do that in these years, I think the fruit will be well worth it. Now, those of you who are a little older, you don't even know what I'm talking about because this wasn't even an issue. Do you know that in 1950, 90% of all moms stayed at home? That's why you're thinking, why is he saying this, Mabel? I mean, I already know. He's saying this because most of the culture doesn't believe this. The next season is the season of mixture. Just an idea. As your children begin to go into school and you have more and more time available to yourself, maybe you could consider a part-time job. And again, I'm sensitive to women who say, you know, Pastor, I have to work. I have to work. What do I do with this? Well, there's lots of alternatives to seek there too. You know, ladies, there are things you can do that give you more time at home to do your work, and alternatives like that you can consider. In our situation, I was fortunate in that Carol had a teaching skill that she developed before the kids came along, and so now that they're all back in school, she teaches a couple of days a week, and that just keeps her out there. Now, I'm not sure which of those she was. She might be a defiant worker, but I, you know. She's exercising those gifts. And the final phase would be the phase of full-time service, full-time giving once again. I've been through this transition with different women on my own staff who have emerged back into the marketplace and really enjoy discovering some of their gifts and renewing them once again. And this gives a woman an opportunity to enjoy each of the great gifts that God's given them, but to do it in a way that no one particular, and especially not the children, suffer as a result. Now, I don't know. Does this sound reasonable? Does this sound like something that can be... I know the Holy Spirit has to make this alive to you. I know He has to give you the specifics, and I know there are mitigating circumstances. Husband loses a job, you know, expenses mound up over a sickness or whatever. I know those things happen. But for many, this can be an alternative. And if you don't seek something like this, what is going to happen is what I see very, very frequently, and that is that priorities begin to erode. And things get out of whack. And let me just touch on these. Men and women alike, here are three things that I trust that you, men and women alike, would consider to maintain as your priorities. Number one, keep your Heavenly Father first. The greatest lie you can believe is, and this is something we all hear, oh, the Lord understands my schedule. He knows how busy I am. He knows that I'm too busy to be with Him today. Don't ever believe that. Hey, God is never too busy for you. And ladies, if you find yourself squeezed, find some way, some way to get more time with God, not less. And He'll order the rest of your life. Number two, your family, your family unit needs to be second. You know, that same press editorial said at the end, even private institutions and individuals should do something, examining their choices and actions for their effect on this core value of family life. The family is the basic unit of socialization, of education, of welfare. This country has no more urgent business than shoring it up. I believe that's right. But more than that, there's no more enjoyable business when it's given the right priority. I meet with many, many adults and parents who are much older than I, and kids are raised, and I say, do you have any counsel? You know, I'm kind of in this, right in the meat of my kids right now, 10, 12, and 14. You know what they all say to me? They say, treasure the time. Give the time to the kids. Be with them, because it goes so fast and they're gone. You know, sometimes I wish it would go faster. You know, I know. But then there are those moments I say, this is really special, and I understand that. And then your third priority is your own fulfillment. Knowing that God will grant you that, Matthew 6, 33, if you seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. Now, the thing that's so difficult is that, and I understand this, the years that you're most demanded upon in your careers, men and women alike, what are those years? When do you really have to make hay? 25 to 27, up to what? Yeah, it gets older as you get older. 40, 42, 45, you know. Most people would say, by the time you're 45, if you haven't really hit some kind of a peak, you know, it's going to be kind of clawing on to the end and all that kind of stuff. I mean, that's in the ideal world. I understand that. But isn't it interesting that those same years, you know, 25 to 27 to 40, those are the same years that you're most demanded on in your home. It's like, why couldn't the kids be there when we were 55 and above? Yeah, I know, all the grandparents say, yeah, maybe not, huh? But I do see the pressures, don't you? They go both ways. That's why we have to maintain those priorities. Let me conclude with one thought. I realize this message may produce some feelings. That's why I have my mask. But I also wanted to say that the one response I most would fear today would be the feelings of guilt. Guilt that maybe some of you whose kids are now a little older and you realize that along the way you didn't give them the time you should have. Or that maybe you had a career opportunity that you just kind of let slide by because you felt suppressed just because you were a woman. I want to say, God wants women to be all that he created them to be. The same with men. And you need to just let those guilt feelings drop because they're not from God. You need to say, Lord, whatever I've done, meet me today and let me finish my course being all that you want me to be. And he'll meet you in that. And I know the one group of people I have most compassion for today and most really appreciation for are the single moms. In our church, I don't know how many we have, but we have quite a few. Probably a couple of score of single moms. And they don't have choices like some of you do. They have to have their kids with them. They have to have a job full time. And I spend time every once in a while talking to single moms. I marvel at how they balance those demands. I don't know how they do it. They barely have a minute in a day that's just for themselves. And I'm really devoted in my spirit to doing some more in our church to help encourage single moms. My hat's off to you. I feel like you have a courage that I don't think many of us have. And God will give you grace. And I know that a lot of children of single moms just tend to, there's a grace that's on their life just because God knows. He knows your heart. And so ladies, single mom, single period, working moms, God has a place for you. He wants to honor you. If you'll consider some of the things we talked about today, I believe that you can have it all in Christ and in His timing. Let's stand, shall we? And Lord, in the midst of everything that we go through, I thank you that you're there. When the struggles have been difficult, you're there. And I praise you that even when we haven't seen you, you've been there. Let the moms here today, let the women here today.