Sounds Like A Plan VII, For Managing Your Stress

When you get discouraged and don't know what to do, Jesus will carry me through. That's a little bit of a foretaste, by the way, of next week, which is Father's Day weekend. We're going to have all the men leading us in praise and worship and focusing on dads and especially our Heavenly Fathers. So you're going to want to be here and bring someone next week. Bring your dad or bring a friend or someone that needs to have a reminder of what kind of God we love, what kind of Father our Heavenly Father really is. Lots of people have a distorted image of God. Well, if you have your notes, take them, please, and pull your outline out of your notes. We're going to look today at how we can stress less. How we can stress less. That's the title for this morning. And if it's just for a few of you, fine, but I have a hunch after you hear today's message. In fact, this is one of the few messages that I had numerous testimonies that could be shared. So we're going to hear two today because so many people deal with this subject of stress. A few weeks ago, I mentioned candle parties. A number of you ladies let me know that that was probably pushing into your territory a little bit and you were a little concerned about that. And I didn't realize what big business this candle business party thing was. Two billion dollars last year in candles were sold at candle parties. And the selling point is called aromatherapy. And what is the purpose of aromatherapy? To reduce your stress. Now, the best aromatherapy I can remember is walking into a bakery. Just walk in there and take a deep breath. Before it really mattered, you could just eat whatever you wanted to. Remember that, folks? We picked this graphic. I want to thank Chris Bennett for this great graphic. Do you feel like that's your life sometimes? You're trying to go up against a wave and you're just not going to make it. Well, I want to talk about that today because stress is something that we think comes to us from the outside. But if you want to know the truth about it, it really is an inside job. It has to do with how we respond to circumstances, not just the things that happen to us. And if we can learn how to respond differently, we can change. Let me give you an illustration. Two people can be in the exact same circumstance and respond differently. One would be totally cool and the other would be totally stressed out. Carol and I, for example, are wired quite differently. If we go to a supermarket to pick up some things and it happens to be a busy time and we'll walk up to the checkout line, Carol just sort of resolutely looks and says, well, we'll just go in this one and we get in line. I, on the other hand, look up and down. I try to gauge how many people are in each line and how much is in each basket. How skilled the checker is, you know. Is there a bagger in that line? And I'm going through all this. She said, look, just get in line. See, for me, it's a stressful thing to wait in a long line when you don't need to. For her, it doesn't matter. What is that? That's my problem, you see. It isn't the circumstance. It's my problem. Well, you know what I'm talking about. If we can change our way of thinking, then stress, which is just a combination of emotions, worry, fear, but it's a serious one, guilt, bitterness, is based on a way of thinking. If we can change that, listen, we can begin to enjoy our life with God. And the whole reason I felt the Lord wanted to bring this message has to do with that. Too many believers that I know are not living a joyful life. Too many believers are reflecting stress in their relationships, on their faces, in their daily walk, because they've missed the truth of what God wants to do. So would you look with me at this? The first verse on the top of your outline, you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Well, if we can get a clear mind on this, we can help one another to stress less. So let's look at it. The first place we need to learn to think a little more clearly and differently is in compromising situations. Now, we've all been called upon now and then to compromise something. Someone wants us to be something that we're not, or don't want to do, perhaps. When you're young, you call it what? Peer pressure, that's right, peer pressure. You know, if the crowd is doing this, you know, can you remember back to the first time that someone offered you something to drink that you shouldn't have been drinking? Or something to smoke? Or said, if you did this thing, you'd be part of our crowd, or whatever it is. That starts pretty early on, doesn't it? But interestingly enough, young people, I've got some news for you. When you get to be an adult, it doesn't go away. How many of us can come up and give a testimony about our place of business? Where if you don't put profits over people, you don't last very long. Where the pressure is to perform every single day. You know, the question that goes through your mind is, do I tell the truth and lose the sale? Or lie and make the sale and have to live with myself as a result? Ethical and moral decisions like this confront every one of us every day. What do you do? Well, the Bible says there's two things to do to make your stress less. Number one, fill in your blank, do the right thing. Do the right thing. You see, in the short term, the easy thing is often what seems to be the best, or the least stressful. You know, many of us are wired not to be confrontative. You know, the line of least resistance, that's less stressful for me, so that's what I'm going to do. But can I tell you, sometimes the line of least resistance in the short term causes you great heartache in the long term. In the long term, the right thing is always better. It results in less stress in your life. The easy thing sometimes compromises your integrity, and maybe stretching the truth or become even dishonest if you allow it. Then you begin to carry guilt and fear of being found out and so on. And sometimes what you did to compromise is worse than the event itself, and your feelings about your compromise are worse than what you did. And those don't go away over time. You know, the devil is very wise. Have you discovered this? He wants to make your life miserable. I mean, once you come to know Christ, his mission is to make your life miserable then. And he does it one of two ways. He starts to whisper to you about something out there. He says, you know, you've got to go do this because, well, first of all, you deserve it, and by the way, no one's going to find out. You can get away with it. You can do it. You're pretty slick. You'll figure your way through it. Then the moment you do it, what does he say? Oh, everyone's going to know. It's getting out there. And you see, right away, he pulls you in by saying no one's going to know, and as soon as you do it, he comes right back and says, well, now the whole world's going to know, and you're going to be found out for what you really are. Now, for some of you right now, that's where you're living. You're living in a world where you feel like, if people really knew what I was like, they wouldn't want me. It's always the right thing that over the long haul is stress-less. Look at this. People with integrity have a firm footing. Proverbs 10, 9. But those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall. Another word for firm footing could be confidence. People who do the right thing live with a certain sense of confidence. They don't have to remember, well, what did I say to this person in that circumstance? And how did I say it this way? And do I need to cover my tracks here and there? You can just say, look, I'm an open book. Read me for what I am. No surprises. This is me. You want to know what the number one integrity buster is? And listen, some of you are going to face it this week. You know what it is? My view is greed. It's pure and simple. What most men and women sell out for in the end is more stuff. More influence, perhaps. More power. It's just greed. I want more. In the end, we don't learn the value of contentment the way the Bible describes it. And it's amazing to me how people will put their values, their relationship, their commitments, their faith, even the truth on the line, just so they can have a little bit more. And I want you to know, folks, it doesn't matter where you live or how much money you make, that little monster of greed is going to raise its head over and over and over again in your life. Every one of us has to make a fundamental decision in our lives. What's more important to us, the truth or things? If truth is more important, then you'll do the right thing, and you might have to give up some things. If things are more important, then all bets are off. If things are more important than truth, then you'll compromise when you need to. You'll distort just enough to get by. You'll have a little bit more now, but you'll live with a whole lot of stress and guilt and a sense of failure before God. So, number one, do the right thing. And then number two, trust God for your future. Learn to actively put your faith in Him. This is so important, it goes hand in hand with number one. If you do the right thing, then you turn to the Lord. You want to know what bugs a lot of you? It's what you tell me. You say, you know what, Jay? You stand here on Sunday and you preach about doing the right thing and making the tough choices. And I do that, and the guy that works next to me, he compromises, he changes his figures, he does this, he does that, and he seems to prosper. And he gets away with it. Have you ever felt that way? The guy that's shaving the corners, the person that's not telling the truth, they're the ones that seem to be getting favored. And you wonder, what's up with this? Well, can I tell you that someone who's not playing by the rules, someone who's prospering even though they're lying and distorting, that might be getting away with it for a while. But two things are true. Number one, you can't see what's going on in the inside of them. And my experience over the years is, many of those people put on this front about getting away, getting this. But on the inside, they are very unhappy people because they are living with this seared conscience. And, oh, by the way, many times their families are a wreck because they live the same way within their families. And then number two, keep in mind, the final chapter has yet to be written. How many of you know God will not be mocked? In the end, you will reap what you sow. And, friend, if you're watching someone climb a ladder over you because they're walking on you and taking advantage of you, you just simply need to say, you know what, Lord, I don't know when it's going to be, but at some point, justice will be done. And I can entrust that to you. The Bible says, look at Proverbs 23, don't envy evil men, but continue to reverence the Lord all the time, for surely you have a wonderful future ahead of you. Their future is uncertain. Yours is true to God and will be honored by God. If you live with integrity, you have a great future. The prophet Isaiah, for example, here is one who brought heavy words from the Lord to the children of Israel, words he didn't want to bring, things about the coming destruction of Jerusalem. And he didn't want to do it, and he did it, and he was ostracized for it. But in the end, look what he said. Even though the people rejected me, he said this, I leave it all in the Lord's hands. I will trust God for my reward. Friends, I found this. If you take a stand for anything in this world, you're going to be criticized. Now, if the way you live takes a stand for God, you're going to be criticized. You'll be criticized for your faith. You'll be criticized for standing against certain things that are right, or wrong, rather, and standing for right. I was amazed just watching the news the other day on the Fox Sportsnet. They did a little commentary on how inappropriate it seemed to be that professional athletes were praying before and after their games. And they were highlighting particularly the NFL players. There's a lot of NFL players who are Christians. And they meet to pray. And, you know, of course, the cameras are on them. And the commentator is saying, Well, we just don't know if this is appropriate for them to impose their religion on us. And I'm just quoting what I saw on the newscast. You see, because the world would like you to just keep your little religion in your little church box and be happy here. But don't bring it. Let us set the agenda out in the marketplace. And that is not the way Jesus taught us to live. Oh, and by the way, the Constitution of the United States says the Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. So I'll leave it to you to respond back to those folks. So, in the end, for those of you who have done the right thing in business, and maybe it hasn't gone your way yet, or maybe you stuck it out in a marriage and it hasn't really worked yet, or maybe you're believing for your kids and they just keep rebelling, or maybe you're in a relationship where you drew some lines and said, Well, you know, we're not going to do those things because I'm walking with God. And maybe the person walked away, whatever. Listen, if you didn't compromise and it still hasn't worked out for you, what do you do? Well, my counsel to you is just keep praising God because you can trust Him. You can trust that there's a great reward and He's going to make it work for you according to His time and according to His plan. I want you to hear a testimony, first testimony this morning, by a man who has, I mean, he did something I've heard a few men doing. And his story is powerful because he faced some values that were directly conflicting what he thought was important that God had established, and it made a huge difference. Welcome Steve Dahl as he comes to the chair. His testimony this morning. Steve. Some of you might have heard from Steve. He's one of the men who's worked here for a number of years at North Way, helping to receive folks as they come to our church family. Welcome, brother. Thank you. Good morning. As Jay said, my name's Steve Dahl. I don't stand here alone, although they're not physically here. I'm supported by my loving wife of 18 years, Barb, our two wonderful children, Brad, age 7, and Lindsay, 11 months. My prayer over the past few days since being asked to give this testimony has been that the Holy Spirit would guide me and enable me to accurately articulate my situation, and it may offer some words of encouragement or be a blessing to others that may be facing the same thing or those that may face it in the future. First of all, I can truly tell you that had my current circumstances happened to me and my family 10 years ago, our life truly would have been filled with stress, anxiety, and worry. Although today, because of our trust in the Lord, I stand before you in confidence, peace, and at ease in my situation. And in actuality, it has helped strengthen my relationship, my personal relationship with Jesus Christ, as well as our marriage. I'll begin my story by going back to last fall when I read a book entitled, Even Eagles Need a Push. Through this book, I began to realize that my occupation was not aligned with my vocation. I then began to pray to God that He would better use the gifts and talents that He has given me to bring alignment and direction to my life. Be careful what you pray for. It may not happen the way you thought it would. In December of 1999, my corporation, like many others, was operating under a philosophy of doing more with less and that was going to force a headcount reduction in the training department. Because of my tenure and job performance, I was not going to be the one that was cut. Although the result of the pending cut meant that my three-state territory would now increase to seven states and my travel time would go from the 50 to 60 percent I've had over the last five years to 85 percent in the year 2000. This certainly did not help to align my goals, my values, and my purpose for my life. Therefore, on December 21, 1999, I took a huge step of faith announcing that I would be the one to be cut versus one of my peers. I was unwilling to compromise my family values and my personal and spiritual life to climb a corporate ladder when in fact the Lord was telling me that the ladder that I was on was leaning up against the wrong wall. After a transition period, I left my job on January 18th of this year. Understanding that faith without action is dead, I quickly began to organize my job search with the help of Charlie Beck and the Priority 2 team here at North Way. In terms of faith, I truly turned the whole situation over to the Lord. I prayed for wisdom, knowledge, and understanding and an opening of my spirit for guidance. I have total trust in the Lord knowing that he knows and he has a plan that I do not know and I do not see. It's like the child watching from the floor at his mother's feet as she works on her embroidery. The child could not understand why there were so many knots and threads that crossed and everything looked jumbled and messy. It was not until he saw the top of the embroidery he saw the beautiful masterpiece his mom had created. I am that child and I only see the underside while God is creating a beautiful tapestry from the top. We, as well as several of our close friends, have been standing in agreement on God's word and promises for our future. We confess daily a wide variety of scriptures, including Romans 8.28, Galatians 6.9, Hebrews 10.23, and Proverbs 3.5, believing that day by day in every way things are getting better and better. There are so many examples I could give you over the past six months of my life, but I'll give you a quick story from just this week. We met a very special person. Her name is Deb. And Deb, in a very short period of time, has proved to be a real blessing in helping us through a transition that we're faced with right now. And my point is that even when you don't know how to deal with the stressors that you may be faced with, the Lord will provide somebody that will help you through that. I've now had four trips to Atlanta with ten interviews with the same company, passed a detailed background and reference check, and have a final set of interviews scheduled for later this month. This company has a corporate purpose of to glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us, to have a positive influence on all whom we come in contact with. Now that aligns with my vocation. In closing, we've been faced with a lot of conflict, asked to compromise our values, and still today live with a certain amount of uncertainty. Although we learn to live on faith and not on feeling, such as stress, anxiety, or worry, knowing that we are seeking Him first and that He has and will continue to provide, we live with the excitement of expectancy. Thank you. I look forward to hearing the end of that story to see how the Lord leads Steve and Barb in taking that very difficult stand of walking away from a solid position into the unknown of a future that only God can direct. The second set of reasons why stress grows in our life is because of conflicting situations. This isn't any newsflash. We're all wired very differently. How many of you are married to someone that's wired just differently from you? And you, of course, never have any difficulty with that. But I'll move on. But none of us like conflict. I mean, no one really wants to be in conflict. If you do, you need to see a therapist. Or maybe you are a therapist, actually, and you enjoy it because you cash in on it. But most of us learn conflict resolution where? At home. That's right. We watch it at home. We watch how our parents and our siblings worked out conflict. And some of us grew up in homes where when there was conflict, what'd we do? We just battled it out until somebody won. Others of us, you know, we grew up in homes where when conflict arose, people just scattered and nobody talked for several days or weeks and then we just finally inched back. And whatever the model may have been, for most of us, we don't really have a good model. We don't really learn how the Bible teaches us to resolve conflict. And yet, there's so much that Scripture says about how we can do this in a way to stress less. First thing that you can do to reduce your stress in conflict is, number one, change your focus. Change your focus. Now, this sounds easy, but it's not. It is, however, very important. When conflicts begin to arise, if it's at all possible to intentionally switch what's going on in your mind from your needs and your point of view to understand the needs and the point of view of the other person, you begin to set in motion some things that will bring your stress way, way down. I believe this is the secret to fixing a whole lot of broken relationships. Understanding where someone else is coming from. Understanding the struggles that they're going through. Seeing their fears, their motivations, their temperament, their worrying, their hurts, their values and their beliefs. That enables you to begin to start to communicate. How do you do this? How do you understand them? You learn to listen more than to talk. It's a great place to start. We all want to be heard. We want to be sure that we get our point across. We want the other person to know that we understand it and we got it right. If you just listen, then I'll tell you when you can speak kind of thing. But here's just a little mathematical reminder for you. How many ears did God give every one of you? Put up your fingers. How many? And how many mouths do you have? So what's that a good reminder of? Listen twice as much as you talk. I had lunch with some people earlier this week. A couple of folks from the other side of the city in ministry. They talked for 90% of the time. And in the end, they said, Oh, I'm sorry. What did you want to say? I said, You know what? I don't have any time left. We're done. And they had nine mouths and one ear. It is so important that we learn to listen. And that's the only way that some of us are going to get through some of the conflicts that we're in. Look at the verse at the bottom of the first page. Don't be selfish. Be humble. Don't think about your own affairs. Be interested in others too and what they're doing. Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights. Philippians 2, 3, and 6. Wait. Don't turn your papers over. What are you doing? I'm not done yet. I mean, I can hear all of you. It's like an ADD congregation. It's not going to speed anything up either. I want you to know that. So just turn it back. Let me just talk about that verse for a second. There's a couple of important things there. Don't be selfish. Don't put yourself first. And second, be humble. That's the issue of pride. Listen, those two things, selfishness and pride, are the two greatest causes of conflict in every single relationship. People refuse to acknowledge when they're wrong. They spend 30 minutes justifying their point of view and how they get it across. You say, well, but Jay, I don't know what it means to be humble. I mean, you can't be humble and be a business person. I hear that all the time. Listen, humility is not thinking less of yourself. In a relationship, in a marriage, humility is not cowering down. Humility is thinking about the Lord and others first, and then thinking about yourself following that. And it's an amazing process if you learn that change, how conflict goes in a different direction. How do you do that? Well, you have to realize that you don't have rights anymore. Look at the last part of the verse. Jesus, though he was God, did not demand and cling to his rights. Just let me remind you of something. When you became a Christian, if you have, you give to the Lord everything about yourself. You give him your needs, your hurts, your pains, your sins, and your rights. And you say, Lord, take me. And in exchange, what do you get? You get healing, you get forgiveness, and eternal life. To me, it's a great deal. Take it. It's a great deal. But then some of us, over time, begin to take the rights back again. And we say, well, you know what? I have a right in this marriage to be heard, or I have a right to be treated better, or I have a right to get this thing, or to have my way in that situation. And I want to be real clear here. Now, if there's abuse going on, if there's something violating you as a person, then clearly you have an obligation to watch out for yourself and get out of that situation. But for many of us, it's not that at all. It's just about wanting your own way. And you want to know the number one indicator that you're getting back to clinging to your rights. I've seen this again and again in my own life. The warning light, if you will, that you're taking your rights back in, is anger. You just get angry. You might be real expressive, or you might be real quiet about it, but you just get angry inside. I have a right to this. And you blow up, or you just quietly go away sulking, and you're mad. I see this in three kinds of folks. I see it in nonbelievers all the time. Just anger spewed out. I see it in immature Christians who don't know how to trust the Holy Spirit. And I see it in complacent, plateaued believers who have nothing better to do than to find fault with somebody else because they don't think they're getting hurt, so they just keep on wanting their rights, wanting their way. Please examine your heart. Is your attitude one of humility? Are you willing to give Jesus the right to meet your needs? I have a little assignment for you. Make a list of some of the rights you might have taken back and place them back in the Lord's hands and say, Lord, you know, this is something I wish would work out. I don't have a right to it, but I give it to you and ask you to take care of it. Because if you don't, what you're going to find is, over time, you'll slip farther and farther away from God, and you'll get more and more distant from God. I want you to hear one more story this morning. This is a powerful story of a couple that almost lost their marriage because they particularly, the gentleman in this case, started to lose the focus of what life was about. Give a warm welcome to Jim and Teresa Greno as they come. Would you? Jim and Teresa, thank you so much for staying for both services. Talk a little slower this time. We want to hear you. Okay. Good morning, Church. Hey, guys. I wanted to thank Steve for sharing his story with us. The road that Teresa and I have shared the past four years is certainly a lot different and the roads that we've traveled have significantly different consequences. Again, this is my wife, Teresa, and she's very forgiving to put up with me for as long as she has. When Teresa and I first started coming to North Way, our lives seemed to be in relatively good order. Our marriage of six years was healthy. We had our growing pains, but we were two people who loved one another and looked out for one another. We were dedicated parents who loved our two children, Anthony and Kirsten, very dearly. My career as the business manager of a local medical group practice was proving to be my way of the future, and I would expand my business opportunities by taking night class at Robert Morris. While I had other commitments, such as being an Air Force reservist, coaching my son's soccer team, holding an officer's position with the Air Force Association, along with being dad and honey, my life was pretty manageable. Teresa was getting acclimated to Pittsburgh, but she was pretty happy. She decided to quit her job at a local food brokerage firm in order to spend more time with Anthony and Kirsten, while she was also providing me with a lot of support. Anthony and Kirsten, well, they were both doing very well in school and had a lot of friends along with a healthy diet of activities. Life was, at least in our eyes, pretty good. For me personally, well, I was busy, but my heart was always in the right place and right with Teresa and the kids. Work would be providing us with that. I'm sorry. Working would provide for us, and going to night school would allow me to continue moving up the corporate ladder. What happened during the next four years was not what we had planned, but has changed our lives dramatically. The life I chose to live began putting distance between Teresa and I. The more distance that grew between us found Teresa feeling unfulfilled, and the more unfulfilled she found herself, the more animosity that grew between her and I. I didn't know it at the time, but Teresa began praying for the Lord to change our lives in whatever way she saw fit. That's what I should have backed up right there. Here we were in our mid-30s. I had the position I worked so hard to obtain, one with many expectations placed upon me. Sure, it was demanding, but I thrived on those challenges it offered. Time was not in abundance, yet I chose to spend most of my time dedicated to my blossoming career. Over the next three years, I became entrenched in my job to the point I had very little time for my home life. I seemed to find myself running from one responsibility to the next, and the time I viewed as so valuable with my family began taking a back seat. I started to feel as though I was losing control and out of touch with my family. If I did any one thing right during this phase in my life, it was to spend some time with my children, but even that time wasn't quality time. Teresa and I, while we were slowly drifting apart from one another, I denied many of the problems at first by working and studying even harder. I began to find home life yet another added stress in an already overwhelming environment. Home life now became an added stress I sought to escape. Being home, for me at least, meant having to deal with emotions for my wife and to have solved problems I didn't want to deal with. Do you think bitterness can grow in that type of environment? You bet it can. And rather than me reaching out to Teresa, I turned away. I found myself looking for ways to escape all the sources of the various stress I had in my life. For me, that escape came in the form of another woman. I found someone who could listen to me, someone who could help lift the weight of my growing list of problems and help provide an escape to a home life I no longer thrived to maintain. My heart was no longer in the right place. Teresa had no clue of my relationship. To her, this was all a string of terrible events which we would overcome together. And deep down, I knew that I had deceived her. I felt guilty of misleading those I loved and cared for. With a marriage in shambles, a career falling apart around me, and the heavy burden of having a relationship outside of my marriage, my life was in total chaos. I didn't know which way to turn. I wanted control of my life, yet the more I tried to control, the more unraveled it became. Unfocused and deceptive, I was on the verge of losing everything. I did lose my position with the group practice that I helped build. To make matters even worse, I was initially denied unemployment. It didn't take long for the bills to pile up, and we found ourselves in danger of losing our home. I was feeling in every single phase of life that mattered to me, yet still, I had no way to turn. With no answers at my fingertips, I stood in this church one Sunday morning, 1999 in April. I cried out for the Lord, telling Him that I felt like this broken puzzle, and I wanted my missing pieces back. Acknowledging that I was a shell of the man I used to be, I wanted to feel whole again. I asked the Lord to forgive me, but more importantly, I asked for His direction. I recall so very clearly when confessing that it can no longer be my way, that I needed a strength greater than my own to pull it out of the darkness that I had fell into. I said, and I quote, Dear Lord, this has to be your way. I'm ready to give you control of my life. For me personally, this was huge. When I spoke those words with a burning desire in my heart, He was about to answer my prayers. I didn't know it at that very moment, but He was about to start reshaping my life. That very same day, as we were attending my son's soccer game, a beautiful spring afternoon