Personal Portraits III, A Child Of Promise

Once again, it is a bit warm in this center section. I'm going to take my jacket off, and men, I want to encourage you to do the same if you'd like. We thought we had that corrected, and we'll work on it again this week. Are you at Ephesians chapter 6? Did I say that? Ephesians 6. Ephesians 6. Verse 4 reads, Fathers, do not exasperate your children. By the way, the word fathers is in the neuter gender in the Greek, which means really better translated parents, parents. Do not exasperate your children, instead bring up in the training and instruction, or I like the term, nurture and admonition of the Lord. Wouldn't it be great to be a kid all over again? In the first service, everyone went, no, it wouldn't be. But think about it. To be able to do all the things that were fun, things that you didn't get an opportunity to do now that you look back on and wish you had to have those carefree moments of rollicking in the park or playing with your pets or playing house or whatever you did when you were a kid. If you're hesitating, you're probably wise. You better think twice about it because things are different today with our kids. They're really different. I've quoted this before, but for those of you who are new, let me share it with you again. According to one resource, in the 1940s, the top seven offenses in our public schools were these. In order, talking, chewing gum, making noises, running in the halls, getting out of turn in line, improper clothing, and not putting paper in the wastebasket. In 1982, the top seven offenses in public schools in order were drug abuse, rape, robbery, assault, burglary, arson, and murder. There's been some serious changes in the lives of kids these days. One writer said this, when I was a kid, grass was mowed, coke was a drink, and pot was something you cooked in. Today, children live in a world that is totally unlike the one you and I remember, especially those of us who were raised in the 40s and the 50s. I've cited several reasons why I think this is happening and I want us to look at those this morning as I complete this series on personal portraits. There's four reasons at least, I'm sure you can identify more, that our families and our kids are suffering so greatly. The first one is fragmented families. Fragmented families. The nuclear family has exploded in our generation. TV has given us the clear impression that however you can make it work, it's okay. Kids today are now speaking language that we never even heard of. Their top entertainment and their top pastime is watching television. They talk and act and think like game show hosts. In my day, it was rare for a classmate to have only one parent. I couldn't remember. I tried to think of one of my friends that only had one parent at home. I couldn't think of one. Today, according to Rand Institute, two out of three white kids between the ages of birth and 18 will spend some time in a single parent home. What do you think the statistics are for black families? It's 19 out of 20. You see, nuclear families are dissolving and disintegrating right in front of our eyes. The effects, as you might imagine, have been quite staggering as well. The University of California did a little survey with fifth and sixth graders and asked them this question, what makes you feel anxious or sad or breaks your heart? Number one, when parents separate and divorce. Number one answer. Number two, when parents argue violently. Number three, when parents ignore me and don't spend much time. Time magazine in a recent survey said that half the children from divorces, half of them enter adulthood angry, worried, underachieving, and self-depreciating and have a difficult time getting over the trauma. Two-thirds of the girls enter adulthood deeply anxious about relationships, unable to make lasting commitments, and fearful of betrayal and intimate relationships. The men are not spared either. Most of them find themselves jumping from job to job, many times even leaving opportunities in the midst for unknown reasons, lacking in confidence and purpose. It's difficult for them to recover. This is sobering stuff. I'm mindful today, hearing this message, there are a number of you, a number of you who have gone through the trauma of separation and divorce and you're thinking, what does this mean to me? And I've got some news for you today. I'm sensitive, and we as a church are sensitive to those of you who, through no fault of your own in many cases, find yourself a victim of broken relationship. With the 50% divorce rate in our nation, hundreds of thousands of kids are entering into this realm of being in a single parent, broken family type situation every year. Hundreds of thousands of them. It's no wonder then when high school students were asked, do you think a happy and successful marriage is one of the best goals in life, 80% said yes. They'd like to see that. The second reason why I see such difficulty in young people today is what I'm going to call pushy parents. This isn't a category you would have seen, I don't think, as much 15 or 20 years ago. You see, those of us who grew up as baby boomers, in a sense, were given this jumpstart, this catapult into life and to success. Of course, we want the same thing for our kids, even more so. The movie Baby Boom with Diane Keaton, she is seen as an outcast because she's not enrolled her two-year-old in a music appreciation class. Oh, she's going to be so far behind when she starts out, one of her friends quips at her. Parents start pressing for straight A's in the first grade. How can he ever get into Harvard or MIT if he gets a satisfactory in his report card, first grade mother says. There's one writer come in and it's a toddler-eat-toddler world out there. And it's no surprise, folks, this is a fact, lots of eight-, nine-, and ten-year-old kids are dealing with anxiety early in life because the parents are always there pushing just a little farther. No, it's not inappropriate to encourage your kids to do their best, but you know the difference between that and withholding blessing and love and affirmation. And this pressure contributes to our kids' difficulties and struggles. Number three, another very, very difficult thing is the menacing role models that pervade our culture. A menacing role model is something that was never there when we were growing up. I was thinking back in my childhood, you know, my role model, the only one I can think of as sort of a hero in the media was Superman. And he was, you know, in black and white and you could see the strings he was hanging from, you know. And Lassie and Rin Tin Tin were sort of the, you know, the shows that made me think of, wow, you know, things good in life. And, you know, I remember the little tears every once in a while when Lassie would come home with, what was his name? Timmy. Yeah, yeah. It's been a while. Now, you compare that with today's kid who's bombarded with some of the most unbelievable media models that you could imagine. People who are saying and doing things that we wouldn't even have imagined as we were growing up. One day, a while back, one of my sons came down the steps with these fatigue-looking pants on, no shirt, mirrored sunglasses, his hair wet, and a plastic machine gun laid over his shoulder. He said, go ahead. Make my day. I went upstairs and we had a talk about, you know, what's happening here. And the entertainment world, seriously, folks, it's out of control. It really is. Madonna, you see. Oh, everybody listens to Madonna, don't they? I was called by a local newspaper to give my comments on what I thought of Madonna's newest album, Like a Prayer. But rather than tell you what I think, I'll quote a Rolling Stone magazine critic who said this. Quote, she seems more concerned with exercising demons than with entertaining her fans. You see, today's kids are dealing with things that are on a whole other level than we talked about when we were growing up. And they are being approached at a very young age and caused to deal with spiritual matters that they don't even perceive as being spiritual. What kids can see today on videos, what's readily accessible to them on MTV, and even on network television, would stagger your imagination, parents, if you took the time to watch it. And I have to say this. There's some stuff out there now that is so violent and ugly that literally if you watch some of the things like the slice and dice flicks that the kids see today, you'd be sick on the spot. I guarantee you. Another force that kids are dealing with is that of peer pressure. I remember growing up and I had buddies who wanted me to do things with them and peer pressure has always been there. But today, the force of it is so excruciating that very few kids can survive the high school years. Eighty percent of high school seniors are sexually involved by the time they graduate. Ninety percent of them use alcohol, usually on a regular basis. Fifty percent are involved in drugs. It's no surprise that the increase in domestic violence has caused teenagers a sense of uncertainty in the midst of all this. And the double standard message that they hear from their adults and parents makes them struggle with what really is right. That's why it was kind of fascinating to me this week to hear of the New Jersey boys. I don't know if you heard that news report. Five stellar athletes and outstanding leaders in a small town in suburban New Jersey were arrested for sexually assaulting a retarded classmate. And the story is more grotesque than I could even repeat up here. But you see, these things happen. And it's all underneath. The nice facade that you see and all the nice clothes and stuff only covers over what's the rotting situation underneath. And you add to that the force of AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases and the addictions. Do you know how many kids are addicted to things these days? By the time they reach 18, their life is already so messed up they spend the rest of it trying to get straightened out. We have a ministry to sexually addicted kids. And it's a substantial size ministry. And as you might imagine, where all this leads is not very pleasant because one-third of all senior high students contemplate suicide seriously. And the fact is that suicide has tripled over the last 20 years in high school students. Just a few weeks ago I asked Amy what she was doing or what they were talking about in their junior high meeting on a Wednesday night. We were on the way home and she said, well, we talked about suicide. You know, I'm not that far out of youth ministry. Ten years ago that was not a hot topic. But I'm glad Tom taught about it. Because kids are dealing with it. Now what are we going to do about this, folks? You know, these are some of the dramatic illustrations. But every one of us as parents, we need to face the fact that we get a lot of the fallout. If our kids are not into all this stuff, be thankful. But don't be ignorant. And don't presume that they're not going to be affected because they are dealing with it. And some of the impact is very noticeable, even in lesser ways. A hardness toward things, perhaps. An indifference toward things that are valuable. I want to share with you today, if you'll permit me, a few things that we as parents can do. And I'm mindful I have an audience today that some of you have already sent your kids off. And while you say it's too late to hear this message, no it's not. I ask you to bear with me, those of you who maybe aren't parents today. Maybe you know someone who is that could be encouraged by this message. The first thing that we as parents, as Christian parents can do, is to take more seriously the preparation necessary for parenting. I called one of our young moms last night about 5.30. I hadn't seen him in church for a while. I called him, I said, what's it like? She laughed and chuckled. The baby's about, I guess, six weeks old or so, a couple months old. And she said on the phone in kind of a cracked voice, she said, we knew it was going to be an adjustment, but we had no idea how much of an adjustment. She said, I repent of everything I said about you and your wife when you had all your kids. You see, there is a tremendous thing that happens in a marriage when kids come along. How many of you know life is not the same? I mean, more than one parent has told me of going down to Kmart, getting out of the car and locking the door and running back out of the parking lot because you left a kid in there. You forgot you had one with you, those kinds of things. Life is not the same. And sometimes these factors are so intense that they put a stress on a marriage that it's not quite ready to bear yet in those early years. As you know, 40 to 50 percent of all marriages, or divorces rather, happen in the first five years of marriage. And if that bond hasn't been purposefully strengthened in the first four or five years, it can be very difficult. No, certainly it can be overcome. I'm not talking about the impossibility, but I'm talking about the difficulty. Why deal with extra stress? Why deal with it? If you can take the time to wisely prepare. Folks, listen, in the fall, we're making room in our building to add classroom space for adult training and education so that we can have classes on communication, conflict resolution, parenting, spiritual growth as couples and so on. Because we believe it's so essential. Raising a healthy and well-adjusted child is not an easy task. It takes your best efforts. And by the way, if you were blessed with a little one before you had enough time to adjust, be encouraged that many have gone before you and it can be done. But just be prepared that extra stress is going to come in your relationship. Number two, let me urge you to pray faithfully in the midst of parenting. Turn in your Bibles if you still have them with you to Jeremiah chapter 29. That's in the Old Testament. If you have your Bible, if not, just listen, I'll read it for you. Jeremiah chapter 29 talks about something that God has for everyone who calls upon his name. Jeremiah 29 and verse 11. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. How many of you are glad God has a plan for you and he has a plan for your child? Look at the next verse. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. And you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Dear ones, there is a link between prayer and receiving the promise of God for your children. There is a tremendously important thing that happens when moms and dads pray for their kids. And I'm not just talking about grace at mealtime. When moms and dads consistently and courageously and corporately pray for their kids, a power is released that will overcome the onslaught of the crud that's in the world today. Don't just pray for their safety and their blessing and their health, but pray for their heart to be soft. And pray for the Holy Spirit, pray for the Holy Spirit to be poured out upon them. Every morning that we meet here for prayer, I take the time, right here in the steps of this platform, when Tom is here, I bring him up, when other parents are here, and we pray for our kids. And I want you to know, kids, young people, junior, senior, highers that are here in this service, we're praying that God would pour out his Spirit upon your life. Because you see life in the perspective that it's all out there ahead of you, and when you're ready for God, you'll move in it. I want you to know, the earlier you come to God, the better your life will be. The less grief you'll have. God has a plan for you, and we're praying that the Holy Spirit... Isn't it interesting, dear ones, that in the fulfillment of the pouring out of the Holy Spirit in Acts chapter 2, the Bible says this, in the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people, and your sons and daughters will prophesy. And your young men will see visions. God's heart is for the sons and the daughters to move in the fullness of the Spirit. How many of you believe you love God today because your mom prayed for you? A lot of us do. I know my mom did, and my dad as well. And I say this, moms and dads, we have a charge to pray for our kids. And dads, we need to be the initiators to say, let's pray for our kids. Let's get time together to cover them, to set a hedge around them, that God would touch them. Number three, to stem the onslaught against our young people, we need to have powerful input as we are parenting. God's Word places the responsibility for your kids' spiritual well-being, moms and dads, on your shoulders. Listen now, it's not on the shoulders of the church, first off, it's on your shoulders. You're the one that God is going to hold to account as to why your kids did what they did. God is not going to call a babysitter or some kind of a daycare worker or somebody, He's going to call you. Or a Sunday school teacher, He's going to call you. How you do this is very important. You know, those of us whose children have grown up in the midst of our Christian life, they are bombarded with teaching. I have to say, I think my kids know more Bible than I know. Sometimes when you ask me questions, I go and ask David where the answer is. I mean, that's how much stuff they get. And so, I have to urge you parents, listen, be creative about this. And I'm going to say something that might almost sound like heresy to some of you, but I find that for our family, the best input into their lives is generally not in the family devotional hour. I have yet to have my kids come and say, oh, dad, would you just teach us the Bible? They are not impressed that I stand up here and teach week by week. They don't ever ask me to do that. But what they want to know is when their hearts touch something, they want to know right then. When there's something that's stirred up in them, they have a question, they say, tell me what this means. And if you think back in your understanding, the Bible says, for example, in Exodus 12, and when your children ask, what does this ceremony mean? Then tell them it's the Passover sacrifice to the Lord, who passed over the houses of Israelites in Egypt and spared their homes. You see, Joshua 24 says the same thing. When your kids ask, be ready to use the moment to teach them. I remember about four years ago, following a baptism under the stars over at the McCabe's Pool, we were walking back, and very fascinating, the very place where my home now sits, my daughter Amy asked me, she said, daddy, something really happened to me there. What was that really all about? And here's this beautiful starlit evening, no moon, just a black sky with stars, and we just experienced 30 or 40 people being baptized and singing God's praises, and my daughter at age 10 said, daddy, something really happened to me. She said, tell me what this means. And that has lodged itself in my spirit, and I believe in her spirit, as a time when we had a chance to really discuss what it meant to follow God. Parents, be wise about the input you're giving. Number two, under the same point, the input of the word and also the input of song. I want to talk about music for just a minute again, because there's nothing more powerful, I don't believe, than music. If I could have the sound ministry right now crank up a tape of something from 1962, there'd be some of you who'd start misty eye right now, just because you remember somebody or some situation where you were. It's an incredible thing that happens. Music lodges itself down in our soul, and just hearing that song again brings back the whole memory. I could make some of you laugh. I could make some of you think sensual thoughts. Music is powerful. I had an experience about a year ago. I was seated in my office on a Friday morning after morning prayers, about 8 o'clock, and the buses for Eden Christian Academy were arriving. Kids were coming down. After a little lull, another bus came down, and I heard the kids singing. It was a late springy afternoon, kind of like a day like this was, or morning rather, and I could hear the kids singing. I said, this is what it's all about. Kids coming to school, singing God's praise in the morning, and the bus drew up and stopped. A little roadway right here next to the building. My ear, and I said, what? You know what they were singing? Ninety-nine bottles of beer in the wall, ninety-nine bottles. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer in the wall. I said, wait a minute, that is the wrong script for this scene. Somebody's got to put this back in here. I've wanted to tell that story for so long, because that was really a crack up. But you see, music touches our soul. Parents, let me ask you something. What are you doing to ensure that your children are hearing the music of God's people? What are you doing? Are you just bringing them here on Sunday and hoping that somebody back there will teach them some songs? You see, music nurtures them. It sends the message into them that even words don't carry in a certain way. Once they taste it and become aware of the sensitivity to their emotional being because of music, they'll never be the same. And some of you wonder why your kids are having problems with all kinds of things in the culture. Because they are feeding on the junk that comes through music in our culture. Now believe me, I know I risk sounding prudish to some of you teenagers who think we have no idea what's cool and what's going on. But the lyrics of what happens on many albums today is simply fueling in you a total misunderstanding of what the values of life are. And the more you submit yourself to it, the more likely you are to be affected by it. On the other hand, those who submit themselves to hearing the songs of God's Word and the truth of God's songs are likely to benefit from it. I can't tell you how many times I was blessed to walk up to my daughter's room and see her with the little earphones on her head listening to a tape of Salty Sings the Psalter or something like that or Maranath the Praise. More than once, I've had the clear impression that what basically is happening there is deep down inside their spirit, there's a lodging taking place. And even if, listen parents, even if your kids should wander off when they grow up, it may just be hearing that song once again is going to touch that spirit. What are you feeding your kids? What input are you bringing? Parents, listen, it is critical. It is critical. And that's why every parent in this place should support the ministry to our children. With your presence and with your prayers, with your resources, because we are doing what we can to help you be the best parent you can be. But we need your support and we need to support you. And as I said, we're purposing to do that come the fall. Let me give you the last point here. That is, we're only going to stop the onslaught against our young people if we understand the true purpose of parenting. Now let me touch this point and I ask you to give me your full attention because I may, at this point, if I give you an insight into why you really are parents, perhaps it will give you the extra motivation that you need to understand how to fulfill this call. What is your goal when it comes to raising your kids? Do you want your kids to grow up to be healthy, well-adjusted, successful, beneficial contributors to society? Is that what you want? Then you're aiming too low. You see, when God created Adam and Eve, He created them in His own image, the Bible says. And at the end of that creation, He said, ah, this is good. In fact, He said, it's very good. I like this. And then He turned to Adam and Eve and commanded them and said, now you produce additional reflections of my glory. How many of you know most of mankind has honored that commandment pretty well? Be fruitful and multiply. There is not a shortage of people on this earth. Multiply my image bearers, the Lord would say. And so all over the world, people have populated the earth seeking to bear the image of God. But what came in that messed the whole thing up? Sin. And so rather than bearing the image of God, most people today are like a vase that's been cracked. And they don't bear the pure image of God. But Jesus comes on the scene and says, if a parent will come and lead his son or daughter to redemption and faith in Christ, then I will be able to restore in that child the full image of God the Father. And the reason then, the primary reason why we have kids, parents, is so that we can raise up image bearers of the glory of God. To reflect the fullness of who God is. What motivates and trains and compels me to train and love my kids is the fact that God has a higher destiny than just being a contributor to society. Believers don't have kids just to fill up their time or to pass on the family name or the family inheritance or to avoid being lonely when they're in their later years of life. But they raise up kids to come to faith in Christ so that they too can bear the image of God. It's sort of the ultimate discipleship challenge, isn't it? I mean, when you go home and you look at that little one, you say, man, there's a long way to go for this one to get to his image. And yet, in this very strange way, they already have that simplicity and the purity. What we want to do is preserve them from the destruction that the world wants to bring upon that image. And it isn't easy. I have to say, it's not easy. Single parents, let me just say to you, I don't know how you do it. And my heart goes out to our single parents, and we have a lot of them in this church, and we need to do more than we are even to help support you. I just, we pray for you, and I commend you, and we want to do all we can to help you. But dear ones, if our purpose in parenting is to raise up a God-honoring, Christ-serving child who will bear the image of God, then we need to be serious about it. We need to spend as much time with our kids imparting the goodness of God as we do sports and business. And moms, you need to give your kids enough of a role model of being a godly woman that they know that your primary priority is to serve Christ and follow Him. As Chuck Knoll would say, whatever it takes, parents, that's what we need to do. Whatever it takes. And I thank God for the ones He brings alongside to help fill us up. You know, I was talking to my son on his 12th birthday. I took him out to dinner at Eaton Park, and we sat down, and I said, well, what's been going on in your Wednesday night class? And he talked a little bit, and he said, well, our leaders have given us a goal for life. A goal for life? That's interesting. I said, what is it? To make it to June 8th? Where you graduate on? You know, I was just thinking this. This sounds pretty. You know what he said? I said, well, what's the goal? He said, well, they tell us 10 times every time we meet, they go over it 9 or 10 times, our goal in life is to be mature in Christ. Wow. That's what I did. I took it. Wow. You mean, at age 12, my son has a goal in life to be mature in Christ. I thank God for teachers. I thank God for those of you working in those classes, giving kids something to shoot at. But parents, they're not the ones that are responsible. We are. And I know how much it demands upon us all to give kids prime time, but we need to do it. And I suppose, in years past, I've kind of waffled on this point, because I, you know, let me just share with you. I've had a fear that if I really, really said, oh, hey, listen, spend all the time with your kids, a lot of people would just go and do that, and they'd just write the church off and wouldn't be available. Let me say to you, dear ones, that's between you and God. While you have these kids in this little season of your life, how many older parents would say it goes very, very fast? See, younger parents would say, oh, man, when is this going to be? It goes quickly. And while you have the kids at home, you need to give them your best time. Most parents tell me they wish they had done more productive input when their kids were home with them. And I know this, most leaders of Christian ministries, a frightening number of them, Bob Pierce, and I could just go on and on and on, say things like this, and I quote one. I built a great ministry, but I broke the heart of my kids in the process. I led thousands of others to Christ, but my own kids are angry and lost. There's a balance in this. We're called to serve God, but we're also called to raise our kids. To be Christ-honoring, God-serving kids. Let me end with this. What happened to me yesterday, I guess, epitomizes the challenge of raising kids. I just finished six hours of teaching, a leadership seminar. I was kind of tired. I promised Jonathan that I was going to take him to McDonald's for something that he had done well the week before, and we hadn't spent much time together. I walked out of the room and back to my office, and there on my desk, it was 12.15 already, there was a little note marked 11.30. Jonathan called, when are you coming home? And folks, I sat down at my desk. This message was about half completed. For the next couple of minutes, I had an amazing battle in my mind. What's most important here? I mean, I have 1,200, 1,300 people that are going to hear this message today, and he's just one little boy. And then it dawned on me, that's what this message is all about. So I folded up everything, left it on my desk, and went up to McDonald's, which compounded the whole situation, because I cannot afford to disappoint him. He needs to know that he's important. I'm halfway through as a parent with kids at home, and I want to just say to you, with the best of my ability, I want to give my kids the best shot they have at being image bearers of Christ. And I want to urge you all as parents to do the same. We only get one shot at this, parents, and there's a whole world out there that wants to choke and kill our kids. By God's grace, we're going to present them and hear the Father say, well done, good and faithful sons. Let's pray. Lord, I'm mindful today that these are difficult words for many who feel that their best years are behind them as a parent. And yet, Lord, I also am mindful that there are many here today that have some deciding to do about what's really important in life. And I pray in the name of Jesus that you give great grace to encourage the ones that feel that they've failed and to strengthen the ones that feel that they can't keep up and to move us all together more perfectly in your purpose, that we might raise up difference makers, Christ-honoring kids, in a culture that would want to destroy them, in Jesus' name. Amen.