Personal Portraits II, A Truly Masculine Man

Warning please to John chapter 15 verse 12. My command is this, Jesus is speaking, love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that he lays down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead I have called you friends for everything that I learned from my father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last. Then the father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command, love each other. 25 years ago it was fairly easy for a man to know his role. He was the breadwinner, the head of the household, his wife basically catered to him and raised his children and his word was law. Then came Betty Friedan and the feminist movement and the literal avalanche of communication and literature and documentaries and talk shows and organizations and political activism focused on bringing forth women. If you weren't here last week, we spent our first Sunday in this series on personal portraits talking about women. Now, dear ones, it's no longer the women who are in a struggle for identity, but the men. Men are expected to be breadwinners and consummate child raisers at the same time. No longer independent and monofocused, men are open and supposed to be sensitive and caring and in touch. They're supposed to be masters of intimacy and tenderness as prized qualities. Frankly, many men are confused and unsure as to how to respond to all these new expectations. Men in their 30s and 40s are the ones that are most affected by these new expectations. It's what's called the transitional generation. They've grown up with a certain set of rules and now the rules have changed. What was modeled to me is not what's expected of me. One Newsweek article said, pity the modern father. His wife doesn't think he does enough. His boss thinks he takes this kids thing too far. His parents think he's strange, holding diapers and cleaning the house, and he himself isn't sure what he's supposed to do or be. He's been trained to be successful in business and finds it difficult to be caring and sensitive and relational in home, at the home and everywhere else he goes. 80% of household fathers are present in the delivery room when a baby is born. How many of you over 50 were present in the delivery room when your son or daughter was born? You were as far away as possible, weren't you? I mean, that's right. All the moms over 50 are going, that's right. Now we see dads at home with the kids. Dad's, you know, putting the toothpaste on the brush and dad's changing the diapers. I was struck the other day by an ad on the radio about cellular phones. And it's talking about the case where you're driving toward this important business engagement, and you forget your briefcase. And it's got all your papers that you've got to have to make this business call a success, and you're going to the airport and you don't have it, and you're going to miss your plane. You don't have time to go back and get it. And they're describing this scenario at the end of this 50 minute commercial, 52nd commercial rather. The phone rings at home. And the husband answers the phone and says, dear, I'll bring it right over to the airport for you. There's nothing wrong with that. But you see, that's the, that's the direction of things. More and more dads are suffering from burnout these days. Do it all dads, they're called. And they're burning out trying to be all things to everyone all the time. Tough flight in their careers, making big bucks, caring, listening, sensitive, relational at home with their wives, available to their kids for mucho quality time every day, moving in the five-fold ministry in the local church, winning the world for Christ, and lowering their golf score all at the same time. Unfortunately, dear ones, in all seriousness, many men these days are unable to cope. And so they're fleeing into different escapes. Do you know that men, more than women, are caught up in drug abuse? There's eight times as many male alcoholics than female. It's men who are being crushed under the weight of it all. Seventy-five percent of all suicides are male. And as a result of all this, by the way, men are living seven years less than the average women of today. They're not prepared to cope with it. They don't know where to go. And the problem is men in our culture largely don't have any standard, any place to look and say, that's what it means to be a man. And so I see men beginning to gravitate into about several, but at least three, different camps in the 90s. I'm going to just highlight a few of these. Before I share with you what I believe God's Word says to us, men, just think about these camps. Think if you're possibly leaning toward one or maybe know someone who is. The first camp is the camp of the emasculated male. Now the emasculated male is the one who is basically a wonderful sensitive person. One writer calls them soft males, not interested in harming the earth or starting wars or working endless hours for corporations. They're favorably disposed toward life, but they're deeply unhappy because something is lacking. And in a word, what's lacking is energy. For the emasculated male is largely a passive personality. In most everything important, the emasculated male will not take a step to see change take place. Passive. Passive toward his home. Passive toward his relationship. Passive toward himself. And passive toward his God. He's life-preserving, but not life-giving. More women who talk to me about problems in their relationships cite this as the problem. The male won't take a step to get the devotions going. The male won't take the step to open up things in the home or in the relationship. These emasculated males, they know that there's something missing, but they don't know how to find it. They don't know what it is. One woman writes this. She said, ten years ago, we complained about men in their macho roles and working out their stuff around us. And so we said, give us more sensitivity and caring. And now look what we have ten years later. We have emasculated and even feminized males who are confused and adrift, unsure of what it means to be authentically. What does it mean to be authentically masculine? Their fathers didn't model it. The culture doesn't show it. And they don't know where to go to find it. Because the messages out there are all mixed and confusing. I'm not talking here, dear ones, about homosexuality either. I'm talking about passive, non-energetic, non-life-giving males. There are many of them in our culture. The second camp is the one that we all know and see often. It's the camp of the macho male. This is the guy with the cowboy hat and the Michelob and the pickup truck. This is the guy whose father was usually distant, cold, and non-nurturing, uncommunicative, and the father who left his son generally confused about what it means to be a man. And so the macho man is out to convince the world that he knows what real men do. See, real men drink like a fish. Real men curse authority and mock it. Real men drive way over the speed limit in cars and trucks they can't afford. Real men walk with a certain swagger, and real men have women anytime they want. Really what we have in macho men, dear ones, are little boys in big bodies searching for something they haven't found. They flex, and they flaunt, and they fornicate with incredible arrogance, hoping to eliminate their own self-doubt about who they are. You know, it's funny, too, man. We all get caught up in this macho madness in some respects, don't we? I mean, I have. More than once, I've caught myself when I get around some men. You know, most of you know I do a little bit of running just to stay in shape. I was with a group of athletes not too long ago, and actually, it was a little longer than not too long ago. And they said, you know, well, how long do you run? I said, about 15 or 20. They said, miles? That's minutes, brother, but I didn't tell them that, you see. And I tell you, I'm not the only one, you see. I just returned from a fishing trip, a retreat, to get away with some of our elders. I'm not permitted to share the stories. I want to continue to be your pastor. But even the wonderful elders of this church can't help but seek to outdo one another, you know, with the one that they almost got in the boat and those kinds of things. Sometimes our macho-ness is more subtle. We won't ask anyone for help when we really need it, will we, men? Ladies, have you ever wondered if your husband knew what the word directions sounded like? Can you help? Direction, give me. Macho men don't admit it when they're wrong. Because in their eyes, they never are. But you see, none of these things are what God had in mind when he created men. The third camp, and it's a very pervasive one in our culture, is the camp of the moralistic male. The middle of the rotor and I'm shocked at how easily the moralistic men foist their lack of reality upon we believers and make us think that they've got it together. You see, the moralistic man is one who grades life on a curve. And he sees himself as being as good as anyone else around him. Certainly not as as timid and passive as the emasculated male. Certainly not as out of control and freewheeling as the macho man. But just kind of everything in moderation, you know. Good job. Nice home. Acceptable vices. Even goes to church many times. Everything's just okay with me. Everything in moderation. They're pleasant in most every circumstance and they're hourly very self-assured. You'd never know that inside they're terribly insecure because they don't know what really matters. And they're pouring their lives into making bucks. Knowing all along that in a drop of a hat or a turn to the stock market, they could lose it all. And our culture is filled with moralistic men. Nice men. Good people. But good people who aren't really fulfilling what God designed for them. It's not what God meant when he said looking in upon Adam that he created and said he was very very good. You say, well, well, Jerry, where do I look? What is the model of true masculinity? 1st Corinthians 16 Just listen verses 13 and 14 says this. Keep your eyes open for spiritual danger. Stand true to the Lord. Act like men. Be strong and whatever you do, do it with kindness and love. Be strong and love. First of all men, to be a truly masculine man, we need to be strong towards God. We need to have God as our number one outspoken priority of life. Bible says of David, God looking down in Acts 13 22 said, speaking even as a fulfillment of prophecy, I see in David a man after my own heart who will do all that I ask him to do. You see, a person who's strong toward God has no compartments in his life. He has no compromises that he holds out as his domain and God has the rest. He certainly has no apologies to others for his faith. And he's not afraid to talk about it. I think so many men today are like the rich young ruler, you know. They've kept all the commandments, especially the moralistic men. They've done the good things and when the rich young ruler approached Jesus and said, well Lord, what do I need? What did Jesus say? Well, take all you have, sell it, give it to the poor, come and follow me and I'll give you eternal life. Well, why didn't the rich young ruler do that? I mean, if he was a good man and he'd already kept all the commandments he said, what was he missing? Well, you see, he compartmentalized God. He wasn't strong toward God. He was just basically handling God, using him. And when confronted with the truth, he was not able to respond by faith. So many men fear that if they go wholeheartedly after God, he's going to diminish them and rip out their masculinity and basically expose them as naked and lifeless in front of a culture that will eat them up. I've heard businessmen say, if I acted like a Christian in my job, I'd get rolled over like a, you know, like a steamroll. Dear ones, can I tell you this? I've only seen God tear down in order to build something better. You know, I was in Pittsburgh not long ago and I drove, I went in a place, let me just give you an illustration. How many of you remember the Jenkins Arcade? All right, those of you in Pittsburgh, right there in the center, built in like the early 1930s, something like that. There was this very substantial building, had a lot of nice offices. And that thing just went, that was bulldozed right out of there. You say, wow, what a waste. It's demolished that thing. Now look what's been built there. This beautiful, huge skyscraper, the Fifth Avenue place. And in order to make room for something better, you had to rip out the old. Men, you needn't fear that God's going to destroy you and leave you flat and lifeless on the ground. God wants to build something better. And if he says get this out of your life, it's only because it's in the way of what he really wants. Be strong towards God. What you'll find is that God loves you with a father's love. And men, the thing that many of us may have lacked growing up of a father's affirmation, a father's care, a father's ear, he wants to be your Abba, your daddy. As you receive this assurance of your identity and of who you really are in him, as your personality is shaped by God's love in you, you receive the assurance that you can grow on to maturity. Something that really stumps me, men. Why once you receive Christ's love, his redeeming grace, why do you stop? Why do you satisfy yourself just to be kind of there and not all the way on with God? I marvel at men who will say to me something like, well, if God wants me to have this, he'll just give it to me. Well, just play that back a little bit. Did God want you to be saved long before you were? Probably so. What had to happen? You had to say, God, I want it. I want it. And men, God is looking for men. The Bible says he's searching to and fro over all the earth, looking for men whose heart is pure toward him, hungry for him. He wants to bless you. He wants to give you mature, full, rich, satisfying lives. You know, men, if we gave one-fourth of the resolve to knowing Christ that we do to being up on the things of our careers, the fruits would be incalculable in our lives. Emasculated male senses, he has these needs. He doesn't know how to get strong. He doesn't know where to take a step. The macho male, he doesn't admit it. He couldn't even begin to say he has a need to be strong towards God. So he just, you know, jumps in the truck and runs on down the road. All the while running from what he doesn't even know. The moralistic male, well, he doesn't want to risk veering too far from the norm, even enough to be authentic. Men who are contrite enough to admit their need, courageous enough to take a step, and commit enough to follow through. Those are the kind of men that will change this world. Men like the Roman centurion that came to Jesus and said, just say the word and my daughter will be healed. Men like Saul, who when confronted with the fact that he was the slapping God in the face, humbled himself and repented. Strong men, men like Peter, a fisherman. Probably a brawling, cursing, wild-haired fisherman. Be strong towards God. That's number one. And then, be strong for God. Then, love in everything. Do everything in love. And as I thought about this, man, I couldn't help but think, what better model, what better model than the model of Jesus love? I want to give you five marks of Jesus love. And I pray that, you know, it's not common for us to write things down, but think about these anyhow, would you? And if, there's a lot of wives are writing these down. That's probably good. Because I want you to talk about it. It was Jesus who said, love each other as I've loved you. Here's how he loved. Once you have that vertical relationship, once the father-son relationship is established, then the horizontal can work. Number one, love initiates. Manly love initiates. Contrary to the passive, lifeless timidity of the emasculated males of today, Jesus was constantly initiating. I love it when he goes to these disciples. You know, you have to picture that they were gathered together. One of the hardest things I find to do is to go up to a group, you know? It's one, it's something to talk to people one-on-one, but to walk up to a group and just begin to open up is very, very tough. And Jesus walked up to a group of disciples, a group of fishermen, and said, come and follow me. It's kind of like he put himself in the toughest scenario, come and follow me. What'd they do? They laugh at him? Do they mock him? What'd they do? Left their nets, followed him. Jesus said, Mark 1 36, I must go. I must go to another village. I must go. I must initiate love. Manly love does not hide behind the veneer of being too overstretched and busy. Men, listen, we're all busy. We all have work, but let's not use it as an excuse to ignore those who need our love. I'm surprised how easily we just can justify plopping down in front of the tube because we deserve it. Love seeks to express itself. You know, Jesus had been teaching for three days and a crowd of 5,000 men had gathered to hear him, and women and children. And at the end of those three days, when that crowd was hungry, I mean they were physically hungry, the disciples said, Master, send them off to get some refreshment. And Jesus said, what? You feed them. And he initiated the feeding of that 5,000 at the end of the three days of teaching. Men, we need to be willing to initiate even when we don't feel like it. Number two, love commits. So many today cut out when the going gets tough, men. They cut out of their jobs. They cut out of their marriages. They cut out of their commitments. To me, it's a bogus love that says, I'll be there. And when the chips go down, you're not. Well, you know, I had some things come up. Men, when we say something, when we give our word, let's commit to it. Let's be there. Let's follow through with it. Jesus said, John 13, 1, He loved them to the end. He didn't stop halfway through. And even in betrayal, He loved his disciples. That astonished me when I thought about it. Even when he was betrayed by them, he still loved them. The most powerful men I know, they give their word and they keep it, even if it costs them dearly. 1 Corinthians 13, 8 says, love bears all things. Let's not be commitment hoppers jumping from one thing to another. Number three, manly love sacrifices. John 15, 13. No man than this, than a man lay down his life for his friends. Now, I've said this before, I'm going to say it again. It's unlikely that you're going to have to stand, you know, there's going to be two of you there. Scott and me standing in front of the firing squad. One of us has to go and I say, well, let it be me. And Scott says, okay, yeah. He said it. I don't think that scenario is going to take place. We lay down our lives in little ways. We lay down our lives by giving up the preferred seat. We lay down our lives by walking away from what we really want to do. Man, I wonder how many times have you made a choice for you and not for the ones that you love? You say, well, don't I deserve some stuff? I've discovered this, you know, when we make the choices that in the face of it look like we're giving up, God always has a way. He always has a way. He comes around another way at you. I love God for that. He is so creative in blessing us. You see, in the end, I don't think God's going to ask to see your golfing trophy or your tennis trophy or your stock dividend printout sheet. I don't think God's going to want to see the trophies of your love. Number three or four, manly love is love that is zealous. I wanted to use the word passionate, but unfortunately that has a connotation that you may, I'm not talking about in terms of love making, I'm talking about zealous in terms of being on fire. Who are the people that change us? How many times have you said, boy, he was really on fire, that term? You know, the Bible says of God that he is a zealous God. He's a God that gets fired up about some things. I wrote down here in Zechariah 8 too. Thus says the Lord of hosts, I am zealous. I am passionate. I am on fire for Zion with great jealousy, and I'm jealous for her with great wrath. God is not emasculated, but he really cares about his church. And men, we need to be passionate about some things. Bible says that Jesus walked into the temple, and he was impassioned by what he saw. People playing games and money changing and selling animals, and he overturned things. To me that was a great display of his passion. Finally, number five, manly love is love that forgives. That should be Luke 23, 34. Jesus hanging on the cross. His life at the end, and he is faced with the fact that his tormentors, his torturers, his persecutors are there mocking him. What does he say? Father, forgive them. Manly love forgives, and brethren, how much would happen in our homes? How much would happen in our workplaces if we had the courage, the guts, just to say, hey, even if they don't ask for it, we can release it. You know that? Even if someone is too hard-hearted to ask for it. And you know, this is easy for me to say, and I know men, I know what comes up in us. We want our comeuppance. It happens all the time. We want to prove that we can get back. You know, that little macho stuff comes up again. The other day, I was driving into Aetna, and you know, traffic merged down from two lanes into one, and a person in a car, I mean, and I was just, you know, a person in a car was determined that I was not going to get in there. I won't tell you what gender that person was. And that squeeze came down and, I mean, this, what, it, they were determined that I wasn't going to get in there. Well, I want you to know, when I, you know, I got squeezed out. I mean, it was, that was history. I couldn't do it. Well, I drew a bead on that car. And I went after that, you know, and I, you know, about a half a mile down the road, I realized what was happening. I was defending my males. How stupid. I mean, it's just a picture of what happens to so many of us. And instead of just, you know, releasing it, oh God, it's really a big deal, you know, I'm one car farther back. But we so struggle, men, because we have to prove that, hey, let's just be forgiving. Now, where do people who love, let's all put all five up, please. Where do people who love like that leave a mark? Well, number one, men, they leave a mark on their children. And I have to say, some of the men that are here today, without getting into a lot of inner healing and so on, I know that what you struggle with is a function of how you were fathered in your early years. I know that. But men, let's not allow that to clamp down on us and cause us to transmit the same thing back down on our own kids. You see, a father's love for his kids, if a father loves this way, I want to tell you something, his kids will show it. They will show it. And especially their sons. You know, our sons watch us, men. We are the model of Jesus to them. I'm staggered by the number of times that young children equate me with God. It scares me, you know, in those early years. I know our own kids do, those early years. And then when they get a little older, they realize, well, you know, I mean, if this is God, I'm in trouble, right? Number two, men who love like this, they mark their wives. I don't know a woman that would not want to love a man who loves like this, the way Jesus does. We talked last week about the needs that women have and the ways that they can be truly godly women. But women today are not looking for some emasculated, timid, passive male. They're not looking for some macho cowboy to get out and like show his stuff. They're not looking for someone to be lukewarm in everything he's doing. They're looking for someone to love them, who's able to be both tough and tender, and totally sold out. A man who loves like this will leave a mark on his business, a mark in his government, and a mark on his church. And I pray that God will let men grow up in our church like this. Our future, men, is in the hands of you who will love this way. Jesus said this, and I close with this. He said, the whole world will know that you're my disciples, if you love the way I've loved you. God designed us to be his utmost creation. Men, I want to be what God wants me to be, and I know you do too. I want to love the way Jesus loved. I want to be strong towards God. I want us to end this message today. I've asked a brother who's become a friend, a man who's become part of our congregation on a regular basis for the last year, a man that most of you probably don't know other than watching him on television, and that's Tim Johnson of the Pittsburgh Steelers. You know, Tim is privileged to be one of a very elite group of people who have literally the eyes of millions of people. But I've gotten to know Tim well enough to tell you that he's a man who is strong towards God. It's his number one commitment, and a man who is tender in his love for people. And I'm going to ask Tim to come right now, if we'll give him a microphone, and come up. And Tim is going to pray for our men today. I've asked him to lead us in prayer. And so just as he prepares to come up, men, would you stand where you are? Just the men. I want just the men to stand where you are. Tim, you go ahead. Praise God for everything Pastor Jay said. It just ministers so heavily to my heart. And what the Lord shared with me during that time is that each of us as men have fears and anxieties and insecurities that are stemmed from our broken relationship with the Father from the beginning. And to recapture that, one of the things I pray is in Song of Solomon 8, verse 6 and 7, and it talks a lot about what Pastor Jay was expressing about the waters of life, and how they come and they crash down on us, and the floods that come and try to pull us and drag us down. Well, God gives us a direction for living above that. And though we've not, and I myself speak, as Paul, not that I've attained this, but I'm following after this. I'm forgetting the things that I've done in the past. Well, I've not looked to Jesus as a man. I've not done the things that a man should do. I'm forgetting those things, and I'm pressing toward this what God gives us. And just to read it, it says, and the me in this is Jesus, it says, set me as a seal upon that heart, as a seal upon that arm. For love is strong as death, jealousy as cruel as a grave. The coals there are are coals of fire, which have the most behemoth flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. If a man would give all the substance of his house for love, he would utterly be content. That says, Jesus wants to be the seal on our heart and our arm. Our arm is the strength of our life. Jesus wants us to have a love for him that is stronger than death, and a jealousy for him is that as cruel as a grave, and for the zeal of God to burn within us as coals of fire and as a behemoth flame. And that seems so far beyond what I could attain in this life. But Paul says, I'm pressing toward, so this is my goal in life, to burn, to have God shut up in my bones, where I can stand as a man in this evil age, and I'd like to just pray this with you. Let's go ahead. Ladies, you touch the man near you, would you? Go ahead, just touch him. And then you reach out and touch another man. Father, your word says that you have given us a spirit whereby we cry, Abba Father. We come to you, Father, and we come as dear children following you. Lord, we say that we love you today, and in the presence of your angels and all the saints of God who worship you because of your holiness. God, we come to worship and adore your father, asking that you forgive us, O God. We've been lukewarm, God. We've increased in goods, and we've been a part of things that your love would not direct us to, Lord. God, we say forgive us, and we plead the blood of Jesus over those things in the past, O God. And God, we ask that you renew our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, Father. And Lord, cause the love of God to be strengthened in our hearts. Let that be strong, O God, stronger than death, Lord. We will live with a conviction and a jealousy towards you that is cruel as a grave. Yes. And Lord Jesus, as you walked in the temple where there is much hypocrisy going on, Lord, may we walk in the temples of life where there's hypocrisy. And Father, because of the zeal that burns within us as a coal and as a vehement flame, Father, let us turn the tables by our words of love for you. Father, I pray that you would deposit, O Holy Spirit, you said that you would not leave us as orphans. Deposit in us this love, Lord. Deposit in us this love, O God, in the waters and the floods that will come to drown it, Lord. We will live above it because we live on the throne with you, our Father, our Savior. And Lord, as we go, let us continually be set before us. Let us set Jesus as our example of masculinity, Lord. Thank you, God. And I praise you, Lord. We just pray that you be exalted, Lord Jesus, in our every step and our every word in life. We thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name, amen. We all be seated, please. And then we live this out one day at a time. I want to thank the ladies who stand with us, praying with us, that God would enable us to be all that we can. Let's receive our morning offerings and tithes. Some of you are in the midst of a 30-day tithing experiment, and I'm going to share next week a few of the letters that I'm receiving from people who God is providing for in ways that they've never seen. It's an exciting thing. By the way, it's likely that some of you have not yet received one of these. I gave this out three weeks ago, but we always have people who are out of town. This is an update on the property next door. We're still just working with our architects and just getting a site plan. We're not even sure what the building will look like. It's the site plan. But if you haven't gotten one of these, wave your hand. Let me just see. Are there many people?