Love For A Lifetime III, Wisdom For Women

There are mannequins and we wanted to wait to the appropriate moment to disclose them to you today. Now These mannequins represent a fantasy And man, I want you to Just nod or at least smile if you've ever had this fantasy. You arrive at the door Somewhat weary after a long day's work Your wife is dressed casually, but attractively She smells inviting and comes to receive you with a warm smile and a passionate kiss each of your children have Heard that you've come to the door They leave their activities and likewise act glad to see you and welcome you to the comfort of your well-cleaned and maintained home Your wife continues to look after you Urging you to sit down and relax before taking part in a tasty dinner the aroma of which is already wafting throughout the house Dinner conversation is light-hearted and fun Later the family goes out for a stroll with the dog. Then you return to put the kids to bed with no hassles And then you and your wife Relax together talk just a bit watch a little TV perhaps and then go to bed and make passionate love and it's all before ten o'clock All right, man, let me see the heads go all right Now the women are laughing as much as the men which typifies The essence of my problem here today. I knew by Tuesday that I was in big trouble for this message And I began to send up signals for help all the staff kept reassuring me go ahead And I said, but I can speak to men and I understand men But a woman should speak to woman That's one reason why I want to thank Arlene and Mimi for doing such a great job with Julia to give you some Wisdom from a woman's perspective, and I really wanted a woman to do this whole message So I asked the obvious woman my wife Who last night heard this message, and I think she'll be back today. I'm praying for the second service But she said honey about 20 years ago We knew our roles your roles to be up there and my roles to be down here supporting you And we're not changing it for this subject and so she stood her ground And I'm the one to go on and Share what I believe is God's word for today to the ladies. I want to say a couple of things in qualification Primarily this message is going to be helpful for the younger women now. I mean by younger married less than 30 years 40 should I keep going Mainly because I recognize that I don't pretend to have the insight that those of you have been married a long long time might But I know that a lot of you here today could add to what I'm going to say I I just give you that going in I had some people add that after the service last night if you're a divorced woman I want to say something to you Please don't let this message Discourage you by reminding of you of something that perhaps you didn't do very well and therefore blaming yourself again That's not the intent of this and I don't think the Lord would have that And I also want to say to the single gals those of you who? Have not even any prospect of being married much of what I'll say today in some cases will apply to just general Relationships, and I think you'll find it helpful And if you're certainly a young single gal hoping to get married sometime then you too I'm sure would want to take some notes concerning how you might best prepare yourself For the man that God brings into your life now as we read in God's Word Jeff already read for his first Peter chapter 3 is the basis the text for today the first word we have to deal with folks You can't escape it Arlene introduced it. I think quite well But it says in first Peter 3 1 Wives in the same way be submissive to your husband's the word in the Living Bible was translated fit in with the plans of Now if you've been in our church any length of time you know that I do not preach submission from this platform is some kind of Heavy-handed Dictatorial stance man over woman or leader over follower I don't in fact believe that submission has anything to do with superiority or inferiority in Fact the Bible says in Ephesians 5 that men and women husbands and wives are to be mutually submitted So that's very clear to me, but it does say here that wives Fit in with your plan the plans of your husband's look at this Greek word Please the Greek word for submission is who potasso. It's really two words who potasso which means to come up underneath and give support You've heard the story of the phrase that behind every Good man is a great woman really in that sense Submission means being up there to hold up to fit in with It's a very positive statement, and I want us to look at this message today Wisdom for women in terms of what men need really you need if you're a man someone to come alongside and hold you up To be that establishment that support that you know that you need in order to please God and Live according to his word and so as I share these things today I can't help but use some of my own experience as a basis of need Along with the word and I ask you in a particular fashion day to forgive that if it sounds a little overly done But let me share first of all What men need and what women can do? To truly be supportive of them number one men need women to be positively loving To love positively and I see that in three ways. It's just highlight those through acceptance encouragement and Positive expressions as Mimi alluded to positive expressions of love Let's talk about acceptance shall we? Men, I don't see you writing these things down. You're a I'm sorry you're short-sighted if you don't write these things down all right Women are not they're already writing them. They're gonna see how they're doing Acceptance I Have begun to gain a perspective of most women and that is that they are Highly qualified to be missionaries Many women in our church are missionaries but since most women cannot go to the Foreign mission field they marry one and they undertake to make that man their mission field And they do everything they can to become to them sort of the backup Holy Spirit in their life You know that there's the his and the hers Holy Spirit now And I've seen this and observed it many many times where a woman decides what her man needs to really be more godly now usually most men find one Holy Spirit is quite enough to bring a measure of conviction and so on when needed but women tend to have a very persistent spirit about them and decide that it's Absolutely appropriate to bear down on things that they know should be changed And this is when the problems begin to occur When men don't make enough progress Or their rate of a change is too slow Then women have a way of deciding how to turn up the heat you know what her image of a godly man should be what? her priorities for Successful living would be what what she feels The expectations of a good husband should be now if the personality types are similar some of this stuff goes pretty well I'm looking at a couple here who I know his personalities are really different because I married him And when that's the case like it is if you know Carol, and I we are really different personality types That kind of makes things a little interesting remember the illustration of conflict resolution the Eskimo and the cowboy She's the Eskimo. I'm the cowboy and we always have those times when it just doesn't seem to happen very well And though Carol really hasn't tried to change me a whole lot There's a few areas where you know she's decided to take some shots at it I've gained permission for these I have to tell you, but you know one of them is Carol tends to be really a frugal person I mean she looks out where everything goes. I tend to be a little more enjoy life Hey, let's go for it. Have fun, and you know that kind of a thing on big things that that Difference is really healthy. You know I want to go in and buy a whole you know set of furniture So say honey. We just need one piece. You know so we'll balance each other off a little bit and those kind of things But on the little things This is where it doesn't work all that well trying to change me. You know she has this thing about turning off lights and Appliances and stuff all right watch the elbows okay watch the elbows man see With Carol. I mean I'll be in the den watching a little news after dinner You know I have a little light on and watching the news on TV I'll get up to go out to get a cup of coffee or something after I'll come in and TV will be off and I'll be off I It's like she's hovering now waiting for me to you know one morning I was in the shower right and Where the lights on the bathroom and all of a sudden the light goes out in the shower and light in the bathroom is What's going on? It's almost sunrise you can see I Kid you not now these are true stories Now Despite her best efforts to change my Attentiveness to those details. I am really not moving much in that direction It doesn't really work Women have to understand there's going to be some things that you just can't change even though you'd like them to be different And it's best to not press too hard on those things It's better to learn to live with them and adapt a bit to them And you know I've observed this Some of the things that we dislike about our spouses are the flip side of the things that we like Do you know what I'm saying there? I? mean the fact that Carol doesn't particularly like that. I'm not sensitive to lights and stuff That's the flip side though of the fact that I don't mind going out and buying a new lamp with her Do you see what I'm saying? I'll go out and spend the money get a lamp. She likes that part of it Maybe you don't like the fact that your spouse is inflexible and rigid But you do like the fact that he loves discipline and and is responsible in his job Maybe you don't like the fact that he'd rather play ball than do yard work But you love the fact that he gets together with the kids and has a good time you see Maybe you don't like the fact that he's not very aggressive in his job It doesn't seem to get very far, but you love the fact that he's sensitive and tender and caring towards you And ladies it's difficult. You can't have things both ways You need to be able to see the and appreciate the flip side of that same coin in your man I've learned that with my wife. There are some things I've tried a long time to change it about my wife in terms of you know Initiating projects and stuff like this to do and all that But the Lord really spoke to me a few years ago and said look at the flip side and the flip side is a tremendous Amount of stability and a tremendous amount of peace that that she brings and so I've learned to accept that thing as sort of a trade-off in our relationship The second thing on this list is encouragement Positive loving means affirming The strengths of the one that you love it amazes me how much I value my wife's opinion it really does I'm gonna take my jacket off because I'm getting warm if you'll forgive me for this Okay When we first were married it seemed to Carol that I was the kind of person that was directed You know and really intend on getting on and she said well the best way to go with this guy is just to let him Go you know hang on and and she often would just let me do things to get into things And you know and that was fine because she preferred that We discovered along the way that she really made a big difference and How I felt about the things I was doing I began to value her input so much that I made a point of bringing her Honey tell me what you think about this how am I doing here we Is he about to fall over back there, or what's gonna happen You see I Have come to realize. It's not just the women's Intuition that I appreciate about her But it's the fact that I need to know that no matter where I go no matter what I'm trying to do for God or For anything else that she's there with me women. You don't know what it means I don't know if you really know what it means for you to be the one that's giving that positive reinforcement and encouragement It is so vitally important. You know it doesn't take long to say honey. I really appreciated What you did to provide? This particular weekend for me. I really love the way that you spent time with the kids last night because it meant a whole lot to me Honey, I appreciate the fact that you're stepping out in some ministry and taking some leadership. I you did a great job leading home group You'd be amazed How just one little word from you can mean a whole lot more than anyone else saying some things I'll tell you what when I leave leave worship If Carol doesn't say something about my message. It doesn't matter what all you've said you know that I Value that so much And so it's so important that you take the time just to find something say well I don't want to make anything up. You know Well you can find something You know Proverbs 25 11 says like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word fitly spoken It's I mean it's a treasure what it is. It's a treasure when you say something appropriate And women say to me not infrequently you know my husband loves to be at the office too much He's there too much I want to submit to you one reason why a lot of men work in the office or in the shop too much is because that's Where they're here, and hey you're doing a great job. That's where they're here, and hey you're number one in the company and keep going They're given an affirmation that they may not get no man wants to go home and hear all a long litany of things He's doing wrong So go where the affirmation is number three Positive loving means learning to express it in a way that is positive to him something he'll appreciate Something that he has come to Value you know you can do this in very simple way doesn't cost a lot of money But be sure it's something that he likes something it to him says. I love you Honey I spent all afternoon making these wheat germ oat bran whole grain muffins that you love you know I Wouldn't go for most guys Carol knows if she really wants to get me racing. She makes this yellow cake with this special recipe chocolate icing I mean you know and I'll come up the steps and look and see that see that baby on that it doesn't matter what kind of day I had if that cake sitting there on the on the countertop, I'm excited and And this is it you know she knows it well. I got one of those last year in fact and She knows And you Ladies listen you may not know and if you're more of a newlywed You know you may think you're doing some things that he really likes But maybe you're he's just saying he likes him because you like him if you know what I'm saying Make sure you communicate talk about it if you've been married a long time chances are you know But if not talk about it Alright, that's important. It's a little thing, but it's so important I mean Mimi said it very very well look for the things and do them no big fanfare You'll be appreciated. It will mean a big boost in your relationship alright second major category All right men now are flipping notebooks. I see men need clear communication Now I've said quite a bit over the last few weeks about the fact that Men are less verbal than women on the whole they speak half as much But that does not mean that they communicate less listen to what I'm saying. It doesn't always take words to communicate I fat I find in fact that many women find it difficult to communicate in ways that men understand It may be that they normally require You know 15 or 20 minutes to get to the point Sometimes and a man usually tuned in right away to hear it and a woman doesn't know that so she's working her way up to Say what she really wants to say and it ever gets said because he's already checked out. You know 15 minutes ago Some women don't communicate because they fear rejection They don't communicate because they in the past they tried and they were hurt or they were ignored nothing happened Some were just quiet that way I mean sometimes it it's just an accumulation of things One woman was trying to communicate to her husband about the fact that She was not interested in him sexually Because of things that he had done along the way and he was trying to figure out why she wasn't more interested And she finally hit upon a way of communicating She said this let's say. I'm your favorite fishing reel When we were and of course he loved fishing I mean right away fishing we were first married I was in beautiful shape fresh from the factory and wrapped in a gift box Well as soon as we got home you took me out And you could cast me a mile It was wonderful being together But then you began to use me in salt water and you used me day in and day out and you never rinsed me off And never cleaned me and took care of me Now the years have begun to take their toll, and I'm rusted and the salt has corroded me, and there's knots in my line And it's beginning to fray and even the eyelets on the edge of the rod are starting to bend and twist and now Whenever you go in the corner of the garage and pull me out and go to cast me It doesn't work Boy he was stunned you see that woman found a way to communicate to him Ladies I know That men aren't always the best receivers sometimes you're communicating great and the men just you know he's on the wrong frequency Now I know that's true, but it's important that you work at being honest and clear and open in your communication This is a Listen it's important not just in you know little things, but big things and even sometimes the hurtful things a Lot of women have a tendency to take the things that may be hurt and just sort of push them back down And repress them and keep them down And I know of more than one relationship in fact a number over the years when really little things built up and Big things because there was an inability to communicate those unspoken hurts those frustrations those disappointments and resentments You'll never have a spontaneous warm affectionate relationship if you're carrying along a big bagload of those kinds of things Don't let it happen ladies Communicate find a way to get through you hurt me when you said this Honey, can I explain to you how I feel and then use a word picture like this one that I just shared with you I've just drafted a few principles if we could have those one at a time, please few principles to follow in communication First of all ladies don't assume that being a positive wife means that you hide your needs and hurts and tears James Dobson said that hostility grows out of hidden hurts Hostility grows out of hidden hurts So don't don't hide them share them number two don't stockpile your hurts and grievances In other words if it's been a week since you've shared it's been too long. I told you last week I shared with you how Caroline I try to get one time a week when we get out of the house and say all right How are we really doing here? You say you know some people told me so that's unrealistic. No it isn't your relationships worth it You can find the time to do Number three how you say it is as important as what you say you know one couple shared with me how the wife was just Really frustrated about the fact that husband was always coming home late either from work or from Ministry things always coming home late So one day he got home at quarter of 11 You know having left the home at 6 in the morning, and she was there and we opened the door She just boom you know went into what you never get on it You're always and you know on and on and went even though she was absolutely right about his insensitivity What how she said it what happened how she said it became as big an issue as is what the problem was So ladies if that's a struggle you know Step back a little bit find the moment when what you're gonna say can be communicated in a way That'll be received and number that leads to number four which is pray about it Now I shouldn't have to share that with most of you But it's amazing how sometimes you just let your emotions go instead of praying Lord. What's the best way to communicate? And then number five ladies Don't stop don't give up don't think that we got it the first time around amen How many of men take more than one sometimes to hear it? So don't give up don't just say well, you know I told you once and you didn't hear it So that's the end come back again and persevere a bit Because it's worth it don't assume that he rejected it sometimes. He just didn't hear it You know sometimes you were just right Go back and it's not even unwise by the way to have him play it back to you say honey What do you think I just said? Let me check check my notes Really did see if that communications happening All right now once we've got those things kind of addressed and I admit that there this is just sketchy thirdly men need women and their lives For fun and fulfillment all right, we're at the good part here For fun and fulfillment you know the saying that men are really little boys and big bodies is true pretty much what it is and Men really need women who will help bring a measure of fun And spontaneity Recreation into their life and don't minimize this folks because I think sometimes we tend to see you know men simply in their spiritual headship roles or in their ministry roles and sometimes a man just needs That woman to be a fun partner to laugh with them to do things with them You know if he's always out there in the war. He doesn't want to always necessarily come back and be heavy-duty. You know You need someone there to just spark him along I'm amazed at how women so easily get into stuff when they're courting you know If the guy that she likes is into basketball. You know she suddenly goes out and buy pairs of Nike airs look at this If he runs the park you know and she's never run in her life. She just said well I can go and get to know she gets some Pretty duds on and her new season goes out and runs the park. You know if he's into golfing she takes golfing lessons He likes bicycling she buys a bike. I See this all the time, and they'll come into my office. They all we'd like to do all these things together And then two years later You know she sells the bike sells the Nike airs stops the golf lesson and says I'm not interested in this stuff anymore Most of us men would be honest that we love for our Wives to do things with us to be partners with us to have fun with us You know be careful ladies if you're sending your husband out to have fun all the time. There's something wrong You should be going out to have fun with him And that's not always easy to do men tend to like things that are a little you know more active and rough and so on And so on, but you can adapt this summer We went up to the Rockies for a vacation with a friend from used to be from Pittsburgh and one things He told us to look forward to was riding these four-wheeler Honda, you know motorcycle Dirt bike type things and I told her this is gonna be great fun and She said sure great fun you and the kids have a great time I said honey, you know he said yeah, they had six of these things at this cabin We were going to so there's enough for everybody so there's not for everybody. We're gonna fun. She said sure we're gonna fun Well that stop was the last part of our trip and on the day. We were supposed to get there my van broke down So Carol went with Jim's Morrison's wife Beth and their kids and our kids all in Jim's van and Jim and I stayed with mine to fix it and they went Up ahead about a two-hour ride up to this cabin where we were to meet them later on that day when I got my van Fixed so we went through this long day. It's another story itself and so about seven o'clock at night We arrived up this long mountain. I mean beautiful high But eight or nine thousand feet and all these rough trails and a lot of pine trees And I drive up and we're talking to Jim and I can hear from a distance. I can hear these motorcycle these four-wheelers And I've said boy, I sure wish you know I wish Carol would be more fun with these kind of things She's always setting this stuff down You know We're going up and we can't go around this bin and this four-wheeler comes dashing out of the trees and up the scent And I look you know and here's this helmet his hair coming out And it's not Jonathan, and it's not Amy it's Carol So this is great So We had a good time those three days going out and running around together I Guarantee that was not something she really thought she wanted to do but boy She was wonderful and adapting and that's what we need to see give a little bit. You know ladies. It can be something simple Maybe just a little candlelight dinner after the kids go to bed when you you know you make make it happen You suggest a walk or you suggest something it it doesn't have to cost money. You can just do Now I wanted to talk here today about another side of Fulfillment and that was sexuality time isn't going to permit it in two weeks I'm going to talk about that when I talk about keeping romance alive. I'm going to talk about sexuality because there's nothing In a man's perspective that really has more weight in terms of a Need than this one, and I I would be really unfair to you if I ignored it, but I don't have time today I do want to end though talking about one other part of fulfillment, and that is spiritual fulfillment Ladies you have so much to do with the measure of fulfillment that your men Rise to in their spiritual lives and this scripture in first Peter 3 tells us so clearly how this is to happen It doesn't happen by you setting a standard so Soaringly high that your man looks at that says I'll never be as good as her You don't know how many men I've had tell me in my office. I'll never be like my wife And it's usually because they've lived with her for a few years, and they feel you know she's just in another planet spiritually And sometimes woman I I know that your intent is to do what's right, and what's best and you want it so bad For that man to be all that God wants him to be but ladies listen you can even tell him to do the wrong things Do you know someone in the Bible that told her husband to do the wrong thing because she wanted him to be happy That's right Sarah Sarah told Abram Well since I can't have a son and and you want to be a God wants you to be the the you know the covenant bearer Then you go Have a son by my maidservant. Hey God What a tragedy that brought along Ishmael and Ishmael as you know became the you know the the the progeny then of the race of the Arabs So you see you can you can push something the wrong way And this scripture talks in first Peter 3 and 7 about an inner beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit I want to end with this thought a Quiet spirit is not that you sit around and you know don't say anything a quiet spirit the word quiet Is that beautiful Greek word that I've talked about Proust? which means strength under control It means that all those gifts and all that inside insight and intuition that the Lord's giving you comes under the control of your will to be entered into at the appropriate time And then it talks about a peaceable spirit a quiet and gentle spirit and that word for peaceable means not full of rebellion and antagonism I read in Proverbs this morning that it is better to live in the corner of a rooftop with a toothache than with a rebellious woman And That word rebellious is the word that would be the opposite of a quiet and gentle spirit the best way you can Encourage your man to go on in Christ is to do some of the things that I shared today To accept him encourage him and express your love positively to communicate clearly to him to have fun with him and In the midst of that I want you to know something. I've made some jokes about my wife today, but One thing I deeply appreciate about her, and I don't say this in a boastful way I'm sure she wouldn't want it that but I believe that God's allowed her to have a quiet and gentle spirit Which is more often than I can tell you've been a great conviction. You know I'm up here the man of God and the point man in this this body But her life in lots of ways has been an inspiration to me Because God's enabled her to be that way And I believe by the Holy Spirit and all of you ladies as well You can encourage your man to be all that God wants them to be Let's stand together I Just extend your hands out, please before you Lord for every woman today, that's come to this place. I pray that this message has Given in some measure of encouragement and hope to go on and fulfill the role that you've called them to Lord and whatever station in life They are single divorced married Even grandmothers all the way down the line Lord Because you've given us such treasures in these women. I ask you Lord to now bring application by your Holy Spirit.