Love's Order For Life's Priorities VI, What's God's Purpose In A Family

You're doing a lot of plastering work, wouldn't you? All right, let's get your notes out. If you have a mother, get your notes out. Come on, don't make me look at you with my eyes and see you, just standing there holding your hand. We're going to be taking notes today whether or not you have a family underneath your roof right now. I believe this message has relevance to all of us who are seeking to walk in the purposes of God. And by the way, while you're turning there, I don't want to miss one last opportunity that I have, and I know that you'll honor with me the person most responsible, I expect, for my being here today, and that's my mom, who I think is—oh, there she is. Mom, would you stand, please? My mom, Elsie Passaman, right there. All right, well, I'll tell you, it has been an interesting morning. My wife is not here today. She is taxing our son off to actually meet up with Paul Reichert and go to this conference together. And so she had to leave at 6.30 this morning to meet Paul somewhere out in Toledo, and none of my family, my immediate family, I should say, is here, so I'm going to tell a million stories this morning, because I get into some various responses when—no, I'm just kidding. All right, we're going to talk about the family. Because whether or not you've noticed, in the last months, once again, the family is rising to the top as sort of the hot issue, especially as you get toward election time and politicians are trying to grab hold of the energy that's associated with our passion for the family. You know, everyone is saying, if we don't come back to figuring out what's going wrong with the family, we could lose more than just family. We could lose our whole culture, and that's not an overstatement. Politicians and sociologists are telling us, if we don't figure this one out, we're in deep trouble. Some are claiming that the family needs redefined, and so in Hawaii, they're voting on the legalization of homosexual marriages. And you may have read that just recently, there's an act going—a move, rather, to enact Congress to give the states, every state, the right to determine whether or not the family would be defined as it has historically been, or we'll just go ahead and make a different definition to go with the cultural flow. But despite all of those posturings, everyone sitting here today knows something about your family that I know is true about mine. You know that there's a war going on for the values that your family is going to hold to. You know that. You know that kids that you are raising are under intense pressure to adopt a set of values that you as parents would not hold. I was one of the chaperones at a recent high school prom night, and it was a fine evening and the kids were great and there was no problems or anything, but I went up to the DJ, and he told me, he said, you know, the kids were writing out their requests for songs, and he said to me, 80% of the songs I can't play because the lyrics in them in many cases are obscene and include things about rape and violence and sexual abuse, he said, that you wouldn't even believe. Now, you don't hear them played over the air, but that's what the kids are gravitating to. And it's one of the things, it's a family stress that's on every single one of us. Another one that's out there is the whole issue of the squeeze that's on in corporate America and the time demands that are being put on most of you here today. I mean, this downsizing thing and re-engineering and restructuring, all that's nice language, but you know what it boils down to is, you have less time to be with your family. Less time to do the things with your family that you know you want to do. In many cases, both parents are working to try to just make ends meet. There's the whole issue of overload. 80%, 80% in a recent survey said that stress is causing serious problems in their homes. Richard Swenson, a noted doctor who recently changed his whole lifestyle in response to the pressure he was under said this, as technology, technological progress continues, giving us more and more, faster and faster, it axiomatically leads to an increasing rate of stress and overload, complexity, change, speed, and debt. And that's the truth. All of those things are increasing. We don't even know where to go to get away from them. One busy mother of four recently confessed that her idea of a vacation was a trip to the dentist. I can't wait to just lie back in the chair and relax and do nothing for 45 minutes. You know things are bad when the dentist becomes your vacation spot. So I want to talk for just a few minutes today about God's purpose for the family. What did God intend? You see, if we read this scripture correctly, the family was God's idea. And although the family is under a lot of pressure, and though it's sort of cracking in some places, I don't believe the family is ever going to disappear from the scene. I don't believe it's going to be redefined in some weird way because I believe God ordained it the way it's to be. And before he'll let it be destroyed, he'll intervene. Look what it says in Genesis chapter 2. Let's all read it together. Right there on your outline. The Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. And as you all know, after that comes procreation. On came the children, Adam and Eve, and so on. And just, you get a picture of this? You see, you've got, Adam walks into this incredible garden that he's prepared. God's prepared for him. This wonderful place where, you know, there's abundance, there's all the beauty you could ever imagine, there's no problems, there's no stress, there's no difficulties, and so God gives him a wife. And you know, at nine o'clock, everybody just got that. I just don't know what this is, but we're going to get it all. No, I'm just kidding. He said it's not good to be alone. It's not good. And whether you're single or not, and listen, what I'm going to say today, whether you're married or single, you need relationship. You need companionship. You need a sense of community in your life. That's what God intended from the beginning. And so I want to look at these just four things. And one more thing, God really stopped me, the Spirit of God stopped me when I was preparing this message, to say this one thing, it is never too late to begin. Are you hearing me? You may be here as a grandparent and think, man, if I'd known 30 years ago what you're going to say today, I would have done some things different. You may be here and your family is shaking at the foundations, friend, listen, God wants to do some miraculous things today in some families in this church. I believe that. You can call it a prophetic word if you want to. You just need to open your arms and say, God, I'm willing, please touch my life, touch my family today. So let's look at these four things. Number one, and by the way, if one of these helped, just one, I'll feel like I've been a success today. Just decide which one you're going to focus on. Number one, and by the way, I have three moms that are going to help me make these points in just a moment. I really appreciate them for staying on with me in this service. First thing is this, a family is a shelter for the storms of life. I mean, we needed shelter yesterday. I mean, I thought I was going to need an ark to get here this morning before rain stopped. But it is ironic, isn't it, that when you think about it, the family, the home often becomes the exact opposite of what God intended. God intended for the home to be a place where you could come in at the end of a long day of being competitive and being on the front lines and maybe getting beaten up a little bit, and you could come in and you could get refreshed and you could get restored and you could find a little bit of healing and a little refreshment. But interestingly for many, the home is the last place they want to go because it's more conflict-oriented than the workplace. How many of us have had our worst battles of our lives in our homes? Not out there in the world. Don't put your hand up right now, yeah, that's okay, it's all right, I'll do that, yeah, I have. I admit it, I have. Okay? Well, God never purposed for our homes to be that way, and again, I want to say by the prompting of the Lord, friend, if your home, if you've been robbed, the Bible says Satan has come to steal, kill, and destroy. The number one thing he wants to steal is your soul from God. The second thing he wants to steal is your family. And if men, listen to me, men, I know it's Mother's Day, men, if someone is stealing your home, put your foot down, protect your home, protect your family. Just say to Satan today, maybe you can't control circumstances, but say to Satan, I'm not going to let you take it, this is God's gift to me, and if some of us would just recognize that, we could change what's going on. Let your home be a place where family members come in from the storms of life. When they get hurt, when they get rejected, or shamed, or ignored, or dumped on, or passed over, let your home be a place where they come and they can just cry if they need to. And you know what? It doesn't end just, you know, when your kids leave, you think, well, I guess that phase is over. You know, we have two kids in college now, most of you know, and my oldest son, my middle child went off to college this year, and he had the normal freshman year adjustments going on. It was tough. He had some tough things. He started calling us in the fall. You know, we taught more to our son in this last year, and we did the three previous years combined. Our phone bills were astronomical, but we didn't mind because what he was doing was he was coming into the shelter by the telephone lines and going back out, and that's the way it should be. There are three storms that every family faces. Here they are quickly. Number one is the storm of change. Now, you know, that just rolls off my lips, but you know what? There is so much stress associated with change. The more stress, or the more change, rather, the more stress, and some of us who move every two years or so, you have a phenomenal amount of stress in your home as a result. Some of us, you know, our situations are always in flux and uncertain, and all that change creates a certain level of stress. We need our homes to be a place of predictability. Alvin Toffler calls them islands of security in an age of future shock. The second storm that we all face is the storm of failure. Have you discovered, as I have, that nobody wins all the time? Some of us put on a pretty good front. We look like we've got it all together. We never lose. Never lose an account. Never lose a court case. Never lose a battle. Never lose an argument. Never lose a discussion, but that's not the case. Everyone around you has lost. Everyone around you has failed once, twice. Was it Abraham Lincoln failed 14 times and still became the President of the United States? We all fail, and I've discovered this. Failure is a lot easier to handle when you come home to hugs, when someone's there who takes you in and just puts their arms around you and says, hey, you know what? It's okay. We're going to make it. Failure is just part of life. It's a way to learn and to grow together. The third storm we all see and all experience is rejection, and rejection, by the way, and I didn't make much of a point of this in the first service, but rejection is the one storm that leaves the most damage in our lives. Criticism, judgment, I mean, it leaves pain in our lives, and it can start when you're real little. How many of you know some of the worst rejection happens in our lives when we're little? Some of you can remember back to a time when you were a little one and you weren't selected or your friends didn't want you, and it still has this little kind of shadow in your psyche. Rejection is very painful, and how many of you know that little kids can be the worst at rejecting? If you need a reminder about the nature of sin and the fallenness of mankind, sign up for Jeff's Sunday School thing. Go back and teach in the Sunday School for a few months, and you'll see nobody trains those kids to be like that. It's fallen nature, and it doesn't get any better, does it, when they get to be middle schoolers and the peer pressure mounts up intensely, and then when they get to be in high school and so on. You know what? If a kid doesn't have some positive reinforcement and some encouragement from the home about their value as a person, regardless of their achievement or what they look like or how they dress or what they can do, then they're likely to believe some of the things that people are saying about them. Look at Ecclesiastes 4.12 in your outline. It says there, though one may be overpowered, you know your little one can be overpowered, two can defend themselves, and a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. When your family comes around that one that's been rejected, it can undergird them and support them as they go through those difficult times of life. I was thinking about this. You know, what is the goal of most board games and a lot of sports games as well? It's to go around the bases and to get where? Home, because home is where you are safe. Every time you see a baseball game, think about that. Home is where you're to be safe, and there's a need for that in our culture. I want you to hear today a testimony from a family who have a lot of love in their lives to give because of Christ, and they're going to tell a powerful story. I want you just to be encouraged as they come and share with you. Let's welcome right now, please, Gary and Cindy Matske as they come up. Let's give them a hand as they come. Good morning again. Good morning. Thank you so much for staying, Gary. Thank you. By the way, just in case you wanted, I asked the moms to share, and so the husbands who normally step up have declined, or will be nice and behind the scenes, so I'll call you Cindy. Thank you. I consider it a real privilege to be here today to share my life story of how God has uniquely put our family together. Fifteen years ago, Gary and I were married, and we agreed right from the beginning that raising a family is something we both wanted to do. Two years after we were married, God blessed us with our first daughter, Megan, but when she was nine months old, I was given a diagnosis of ovarian cancer, and our dreams of ever giving birth to another child were shattered. My mom moved in with us for a number of months as I went through almost a year of chemotherapy, surgeries, and unceasing prayer. In the fall of that year, God miraculously healed me, and then we began the struggle to put our life back together. Only through the grace of God did our marriage survive as he healed the emotional wounds of infertility. Whether primary or secondary, the trauma of infertility cuts deeper than most will ever realize. During that next year, Gary and I began to pursue the option of adoption to continue building our family, and we were told at that time we were looking at about a five to seven year wait for a healthy infant boy. However, two and a half years later, on March 22nd, 1987, we received a call saying that our birth mother had selected us and she had had twin boys, and two days later, our sons, Jason and Jonathan, four weeks old, joined our family. After the hectic lifestyle of trying to raise twins, I still had the secret desire to have one more baby. So in the fall of 1993, Gary and I began to pursue the option of another adoption. As we looked in the United States, we found that because we had three children, we pursued international adoption, and because there was a need for so many children to be adopted overseas, they talked us into two girls, and we decided on Alicia and Christina's names. We were told we were on a fast track and hoped for them to arrive in January of 1994, but as laws changed and we went through a number of problems, we went from Poland to Lithuania to Latvia, months went by and promises were made but never kept. With each disappointment, we continued to seek God for the answer, and the answer always seemed to be just wait. For two years, our enthusiasm and faith peaked and fell. We waited for one little girl for over a year. We found out about her from birth and waited until she was 14 months old to be told that she would not be released. At this point, I believe that Gary and I totally released the future of our children to God, but that release was still a struggle. It was a process as we took back control and then again released our children to him. I learned the meaning of what it means when you've done all you can, just stand. You don't need to fight or argue, but just to stand and be willing to accept what God has for your life. We know that his timing is perfect, and in October of 95, we received that phone call that would be the final chapter to our story. We were presented with two little girls that were both two and a half years old, yes, almost twins again. I made a trip to Riga, Latvia to meet them in November and met Alicia and Christina for the first time. Alicia had been a preemie that had a lot of medical problems for her first year, and she really wanted nothing to do with me. When Gary and I went back on March 8th this year to pick them up, she was still not very happy to see me. I must say when we left Latvia, we had some reservations about Alicia, whether she would ever like us, but that first evening back in the United States, Alicia woke up wondering where she was and who she was with, and as I took her into bed with me, I believe God truly spoke to my heart. In my mind was the parable of the hidden treasure. The kingdom of heaven is like the man who searched for the treasure in the field, and when he found it with joy, he sold all he had to purchase it. In my mind, God said, Alicia is that precious treasure that I have given to you, and I have given you a wonderful husband, Gary, who is willing to give his all so that they could purchase that field of Alicia and Christina. We serve a God that's able to make all things possible, and he truly is faithful to bring what he births in us to completion. I'd like to introduce our daughters. Gary has Alicia Anna Motzke, and Susie has Christina Madra Motzke. All right, now it's your turn. On the bottom of your notes, you'll see there's a little place to evaluate. Numbers one to ten are there, and I know this could be painful, but I want to ask you, before you do that, let me just put a handle on this, make it just a little bit easier for you. If your home is to become a shelter, let me just mention four things on the left-hand column. Just drop these on the side. There's no spaces for them. Four things you can do to help improve the shelter quality of your home. The first is hear. Listen to your family members. Hear. Hear them. So many times we're quick to speak and slow to listen. Second, hug. Folks, there's no substitute for the physical contact that comes when you just put your arm around one of your family members and tell them that you love them. Touch them. Third, hope. Build each other up. Give them hope that they can make it, that they're going to get over, that there is going to be a way that's made for them when there's not been a way in the past. Give them more strokes than pokes, because we're so often prone to criticize and to pull down, even in our families and our homes. Number four, help. Give them some practical ways to get where they need to go. It's not just enough to say, you've got to do this, you've got to do that, but help them to do it. Those four things, hear, hug, hope, and help. If you do those, then your family will begin to be a place where the kids, the family members feel sheltered and protected and cared. Now, go ahead and evaluate your family. If in fact your family is a place that's supportive and encouraging and affirming, all the time, give yourself a 10, and I'd like to come move in with you. But, if it's a place where, you know, there's a lot of struggling going on and there's a lot of putting down going on and a lot of pokes and not that many strokes, give yourself a one or a two. Just be honest. I'm not going to ask you to turn these in, but you need to do it. All right, second thing I want to mention about homes and families is that a family is to be a place that's a learning center for life. Friends, we learn things in our families that we don't learn anywhere else. Have you discovered that? Several years ago I came home for dinner and my sons David and Jonathan were at the table and they said, hey dad, watch this, and they took a big gulp of iced tea and leaned their head back and gargled the hallelujah chorus. It seems like a sacrilege, but that's what they did. I mean, where would you learn to do something like that? You've got to try that at lunchtime. If you go to Denny's and you see some people, you'll know they were coming. It's really pretty cool. And you learn all kinds of things at home, you know, how to walk, the basic stuff, how to talk, what to eat, you know, how to use the TV remote, all those important things of life. Look at Ephesians 6.4 at the bottom of your page. Fathers do not exasperate your children. Instead bring them up in the training and instruction. I like the version that says nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6.4, that could be a whole message, a whole series of messages actually. Notice that it does address the fathers, but I think moms, you'd have to admit you're in there as much as the fathers are, giving instruction and admonition and training to the kids. And, you know, a lot of training is just knowing which end to pat at the right time. Isn't that right? The head or the tail. You just have to know when to do it. There are three stages of learning how to live life that I see kids going through. There's the parent control phase, when parents tell their kids, this is what you should do. And I know this sounds so elementary, but how many times have I been in a mall or a restaurant and parents don't ever tell their kids, sit down and be quiet and eat the dinner? And they bounce all around and disturb everybody and make a big scene and it's supposed to be cute? That's stage one. And stage two is when the kid learns his own control or her own control. It's self-control. So it's parent control, self-control. That's when they know what to do. But the third stage parents that you're responsible for is what I call God control, where you teach your kids how to listen to God and know what his will is for their life. Now look at that next verse, flip the page over. Here's what we know about Jesus' childhood, that he grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and with men. And I don't know what you think, but if my kids did those four things, I'd be a pretty happy parent, wouldn't you? Favor with God, favor with men, wisdom, stature. There's not one of us that wouldn't pray that for our family. But are you doing something to teach your kids how to do it? Or are you just saying, well, I hope you turn out okay? It's very important that we see these things as a balance in the lives of our kids. Some of us are fanatics about sports. We'll take our kids to every soccer, baseball, basketball game, golf, tennis, you name it, but we won't spend five minutes training our kids in the word of God. I'm calling for balance today and instruction and admonition of the things of God. Now there are three key areas that you'll learn in your family that you won't learn anywhere else. And you can, when you sit down and get to know a person, you can tell a lot about what they received in their family. The first one is in relationships. Right or wrong, good or bad, you learn to relate to people through your family. And sometimes this is a real plus. And hey, friends, sometimes this is a real liability and you have to unlearn some things. Some of us who had dysfunctional families know what I'm talking about. Where there was pain and abuse and alcoholism, you've got to relearn some things. The home, what a great place to model the positive qualities of life, loyalty, commitment, vulnerability, tolerance, trust, kindness, compassion. We have an opportunity in our homes to teach this to our kids. Secondly is character. This is number two in the top of your page, character. How many of you know character is more caught than taught? You don't teach your kids to have character. But you know what I've discovered? The older I get, the more I realize how much my kids are like me in their character and how much I'm like my dad who's sitting right over here in character. And it's a scary thing, isn't it? Hello? It is. And you realize, man, sometimes my sons will say, or my daughter, they'll say something just the way I would have said it and just when I would have said it. And sometimes that's good and sometimes that's not so good. I'll say, well, where'd that come from? And I'll realize, you, big guy, you. And that's when I say, Lord, you know, I need your grace in this job of parenting. It's up to me. I can make a huge difference in what comes out of my kids' life. Number three, the third thing we learn in our families is values. What's really important is learning the family. What's really important about money, kids' attitudes about money get shaped in the home. About sexuality, about ethics, about discrimination, about self-esteem, about respect, about hard work, about facing life's issues or running from them. Look at Isaiah 38, 19. It also tells us that one generation makes known your faithfulness to the next. And I want to make an important point right here. Not only is what you give as a parent a contribution to the world that your kids will go into, but it's also a contribution to the world that will follow after them. One generation inputs into another generation and then puts into another generation. And in some ways, today, I'm influencing what's going to happen in the next millennium. And the reason I know that's true is because of what I have received. I was running around back there, forgive me, looking for this book that I thought I had left out front. It's a copy of the book, Life and Letters of William Alfred Passover. And even at any length of time, I cherish the legacy that has been given to me by my great-great-grandfather. And someone in the early 1900s took the time to just pour over his letters and some of his documents. And this is a 500-page book about his life. And he was a very godly man who did some incredible things. The hospital that has the family name is just one small thing in what he accomplished in his 80-some years of life. But he attributes most of his spiritual upbringing to his mother. And friends, just as a commentary, talk about how things have shifted just a bit in what our kids are into. And this is by no means, please, if you're a teenager here, I'm not slamming where you are. I'm just commenting on how kids think differently today than they did 150 years ago. Listen to what this 15-year-old wrote to his mother, and actually both of his parents. He writes to them and says this at the end of his 15th year. He said, my dear father and mother, my beloved parents, I write to ask your forgiveness for reviewing my past life since a time when I could distinguish right from wrong, good from evil for the first time. I weep and fear the vengeance of the just God as I remember the innumerable acts of unkindness and unthankfulness, of ingratitude, of headstrongness, of open defiance to your commands. Or when my mind reverts to later days, I find the same long list of sins committed against my parents, against those who have labored during their lives for my support, and those who have passed many a sleepless night on my account. Those who have watched and prayed for my safety during 15 long years of my life and have undergone so many bodily privations for me during my infancy. I have longed to fall on my knees and ask your forgiveness for every pang that I've caused your heart. Why don't we do that right now, teenagers? Every unkind look I've given you, remember those? Every unkind word I've uttered against you has given me the sincerest sorrow. Every remembrance of ingratitude has awakened repentance and remorse in me. And now, O best of parents, I ask a forgiveness for all my ingratitude to you, hoping that when I've received your pardon, my mind will be at ease and my conscience will be at rest. I also thank you for the example you've given me and the instruction of religious things. Remember me in your prayers. Farewell, dear parents. Do not forget your son." Now, his mother writes back and says this, chill out, no big deal. As for the forgiveness you ask, do you not know, my beloved child, the hearts of parents are such that offenses are forgotten as soon as repented of. And my memory recalls nothing at the end of this year but proofs of affection and obedience from my own dear Willie. Now you say, well, that's nice, I mean, does this really mean a lot to you? It sure does. And I know all of you, if you trace back, there's something in your legacy that's been left that you need to thank God for. But you know what? I'm not here to say anything about this because you can't control that, really. Whatever was in your past was in your past, but you know what you can control very clearly? You can control what you do right now. And every single one of you, if you're in the back row, the farthest corner of this auditorium, you can decide what legacy you're going to leave. You can decide what your kids will one day say about you. And I fear that what a lot of kids are going to say is, well, my parents, you know, they tried their best, but they didn't have a clue. The greatest legacy I had was the TV Guide, you know, I just learned how to flip through the channels. Friends, let's get, it's not stock portfolios and inheritances of wealth and property that really matters. In the end, what really matters to a kid is that they know and love God and know His plan for their life. And every parent in the room knows you can do something about that. You can just decide today, you know, I don't know how it's going to work. I don't know what to do next, but I'm going to make a difference and I'm going to leave my kid a spiritual treasure so they can look back and realize, just as my parents made it through the storms of life, I can make it. And that's a rich treasure that every one of us can get. So I urge you, make your home a learning center, a place where the Word of God is lifted up, where the values of the Kingdom of God are taught, and it will make an enormous difference. I want you to welcome another couple who's going to give a brief testimony about how they're training their kids in the things of God. And this is an elder in our church, Dave Lewis and his wife, Kathy. Let's welcome them as they come up here on the platform. Dave. And again, I asked Kathy to do the speaking and I got a shocking response at first and now she's fully ready to go. Well, I guess like every mom, it's a privilege to get to talk about your children. So it's exciting for me to do that, even though I was pretty nervous in the first place. But as Dave and I reflected on this topic, we felt that one of the things that was very important to us was to develop a love for the Word of God in our children. And early on, we tried all sorts of things, all sorts of family devotions, and most of them were not particularly successful. In fact, most of them were real failures. In fact, we got so desperate, we tried using two yogurts as puppets. I don't know why we tried that, but it was not too successful as you can imagine. But our pastor in California suggested to the congregation that everybody read this great Bible. It was called the comic book Bible. Now, that may not sound very spiritual, but he told us that he had studied from this when he was in seminary and it really helped him pass his exams. Well, we might have wondered about his seminary, but we decided to get it. And lo and behold, it was a tremendous success. Our kids just loved it. It made the Word of God come alive for them. They began to love the stories in the Bible. And as they got older and could read for themselves, they were constantly picking it up and trying to read it and finish off a story we hadn't finished. And then they