Look Into My Eyes IV, Building Bridges For Eternity

If you're a guest, we have a little teaching outline inside of your notes that helps you follow along and maybe makes some sense out of this message for you today. So I want to encourage you to take your notes out and let's look at it together. I don't even say fall is your favorite season. Boy, a day like yesterday and so far today is beautiful. You know the most amazing thing to me is that the God who created this world with all of its beauty and textures and colors, the God who put the stars in the heavens and the Bible says named every one of them, the God who tells the sun when to rise and when to set, that God wants a personal relationship with you and with me. Now that may be so common to some of you that it's no big news flash, but you know that, listen, the majority of Americans alive today do not know that truth. That God loves them personally. Wow. The problem is that sin has woven its way into our thinking and into the fabric of our lives and sin has broken the relationship that God intended to have with His people. And that sin is devastating. It not only fractures our relationship with God, but it fractures our relationship with other people. God wants us to be His friend. Look at the first scripture on your outline. We rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done in dying for our sins, making us friends of God. I want to be a friend of God, don't you? What better thing could be said of someone that they were a friend of God? Now, knowing that we had this sin issue, God didn't just leave us in this mess, in this quandary, but He sent His Son Jesus, the Bible says in 1 Timothy 2.5, to be a bridge, as the visual shows today, a bridge between our condition on the one side and God the Father on the other side. Jesus took on human form. He showed us what it was like to live a perfect life. And then He died for our sins. And because of His love, He restored the possibility of a relationship with our Heavenly Father. And folks, it has nothing to do with our status in life, nothing to do with how much money we make, where we live, how smart we are. It has everything to do with the fact that He loves people. As the song that we started with today said, God loves people. Isn't it interesting that as a result, Jesus came and then said, because I love people, I want you to love people. When someone approached Jesus and said, what's the greatest commandment? How many commandments could He have chosen from? Well, at least ten that we know about, right? He didn't pick any of those. He said, the greatest commandment is you love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. What neighbor is He talking about? Oh, you mean the one across the street, you know, who parks their car diagonally on the lawn and makes the whole neighborhood look like it's going down the tips? You mean the neighbor that doesn't ever cut their grass? How about the neighbor on the row next to you today that maybe just doesn't look exactly the way you'd like him to? Yeah, that neighbor. The neighbor that maybe is just a little offensive to you and maybe the neighbor that you love very much but you can't seem to communicate with. Those are the people that God wants us to love. And there are two problems about relationships. Relationships are very fragile. How many find that you can be doing really well with somebody one day and really lousy the next, huh? Anyone ever have a day in your marriage where, hey, this was a great day and the next day you wake up and you say, what happened to you? Are you the same person I was with yesterday? Ever have that? Relationships are fragile. And the second thing is, no one has ever taught us how to have good relationships. Anyone take a course in high school about having good relationships? Is there a Relationships 101? Is there a Getting Along 101? No. And that's why we've been looking in these last weeks about looking into my eyes, understand my heart, know how to relate. That's what we've been talking about. And we've been looking at the fact that God's given us a ministry of relationship building. Look at the next verse. God has restored our relationship with Him through Christ and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships. Everyone in the place today, everyone is given a ministry of restoring relationships. Now, how many people in the room are ministers today? Well, I see about 50 hands. Let me explain what a minister is. A minister is not somebody that necessarily has a collar on or stands up in front or calls them Reverend or whatever. A minister is somebody who God has brought into his family and said, Now, I'm going to give you the same blessing that I have given to others, that is, reconciling them to God. So we're all ministers. Can I just make a declaration? I want you to turn to someone right next to you right now and say, Hey, you're now in the ministry. Oh, no. You're now in the ministry. You now have a ministry. You are now in a place where you can affect other lives. And I want to talk today about how that ministry works when we're sharing with people outside of God's family. It's one thing to share with other people in the church. Usually, that's a little bit easier. But how about people outside the church? And one of the things that was so common, it used to be 30 years ago, one of the ways that people shared is they would hand out tracks. I remember maybe five or six years ago, I was in the health club. I was going in for a workout, and got dressed and went to go to the bathroom. And on the back of the commode was a track. And the track said, Do you feel like your life's going down the toilet? And then you opened it up and had something about the gospel. I said, What a terrible connection. What an offensive way to relate this message. Well, friends, almost all effective evangelism these days is born out of relationship. You need to know that. Really, stadium evangelism, television evangelism, most of it isn't working. What's working today are people connecting with people. That's what it's about. And that's what we're going to look at today. And here's the exciting part. The field is so ripe. There's so many people who are ready, if you're ready to go meet them. You ready? Let's go down, and I'm just going to touch on some of these. And if this service is like the last service, we're not even going to get through them all. First of all, first thing you need to do if you're taking notes is to be proactive. If you want to build a bridge of relationship to someone, be proactive. What does proactive mean? It means to take initiative. It means to reach out. It means you be the one that takes the first step. Now, someone's thinking, Oh, well, that eliminates me. I'm too shy, Pastor Jay. Well, wait a minute. There's always an opportunity for you just to open a door of conversation. You know, it's interesting. People who are very timid in one hand might be very, very good in another way. Some of you might not be very good at talking, but you're very good at doing. You can be proactive by just simply doing something to serve somebody. There's a person in our church who's not really good in terms of talking, but they live in a neighborhood in Cranberry that's growing by leaps and bounds. And when someone moves into their neighborhood, they take them a loaf of bread, homemade bread. And you know how great that smells when you first pull out the oven? And they put a little card on it, and they take it over to the neighbor and say, Hi, I'm your neighbor. And they don't go in for a big conversation. And they say, Just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. And on the inside, there's a little card that says, We're part of a great church, and if you want some good spiritual food, please come with us. And that has led to many conversations that have invited people to come here to Northwood. How'd they do that? Just by simply presenting a little loaf of bread. You see, by being proactive. The point is, if you sit and wait for people to come to you, as Veronica Riley said last time, you may wait a long time before anyone ever connects with you. You know, some of the nicest people I know aren't Christians. If you don't relate why it is you are the way you are, people can just go right over their heads. So be proactive about it, and be willing to talk about it. And build some trust. It takes a little while for people to trust that what you're going to say isn't weird, isn't bizarre, but is worth listening to. I've found that if you're prepared, God will send people across your path just to say a little word of encouragement. Remember I said last week, you might be the fifth person in a line. The next one might be the one that's going to open the door for them to come to Christ. I saw a bumper sticker recently that says, friends don't let friends drive drunk. I'd like to see one that says, friends don't let friends miss heaven. If someone's really your friend, you want them to know about God's love. So be proactive about it. Second thing is, refuse to wear a mask. If you want to build strong relationships with anybody, your husband, wife, kids, colleagues, you've got to be authentic, friends. You have to be open and real. Look at the scripture. We can say with confidence and a clear conscience that we've been honest and sincere in all of our dealings. Can you say that? People see right through our religious fakiness, don't they? One of the greatest compliments people pay me is when they say something like, you know, you don't act like a reverend. What does that mean? How is a reverend supposed to act? Is he supposed to be somber? Is he supposed to be like, you know, afraid to smile? Pious? Uptight? Wearing a collar? I've discovered something. You can be holy and happy. Did you know that? I'm not saying that I'm either one. But you can, and I can, enjoy the love of God, live a life that's pleasing to God, and be happy. They are not contradictions. Now, I'm not saying at all that you compromise your values or conform to the world. I'm saying that you can live a normal life and still be passionate about God. Sometimes you might even reveal that you don't have a perfect life. You know that? And here's a little newsflash for you. People already know that you don't. So you might as well just tell them. I mean, it's okay to say, hey, man, I had a really tough day at home. I got home and the kids were really giving me a hard time. And it's okay if people say, well, you mean you're a Christian and you have some issues to deal with? Yes. I mean, you're a Christian and you're struggling with some of the same temptations. Yes! Here's another thing. If you're here today and you're not sure where you are with God, maybe you're seeking the Lord. But can I tell you something? Christians and non-Christians have the same problems. We both get sick. We both have conflicts. We both have issues to deal with. The only difference is that believers have a place to take them. We take them to the throne of God. And it's okay to tell people that you're struggling. When Carol and I went to a reunion not long ago, actually it was probably about five or six years ago now that I think about it, we were away from our home and we checked in on a Saturday night to see how the kids were doing. And I remember when the phone, I answered the phone and there was some pretty loud music going on there. I said, what's that music? And David said, oh Dad, this isn't a really good time to be calling. I said, no, it sounds like it's a really good time to be calling. He said, well Dad, just a second. And then the music got quiet and I said, David, what's going on? He said, well Dad, I guess the neighbors thought that we were playing the music too loud and there's someone here at the door. I said, what do you mean someone? He said, well, like the police. And I remember, I'm like 300 miles away or whatever for this reunion and I said, okay. So I called my next door neighbor and they went over and checked. I said, oh, it's no big deal. They weren't having a big, you know, people weren't drinking and all the rest. They were just playing their music too loud and a neighbor across the way was a little upset. So I hung up the phone and these people that I was with who were not believers, they were just friends from school from back when, they said, well, how's everything at home? No, I had the opportunity to turn and say, fine. But I turned and said, oh man, the police are there. Okay, not exactly fine, you know, but normal. Okay? Right? And we got through it and it was an honest exchange and it helped people to sort of take the mystery out of the fact that I'm just a real person. You mean pastors have issues? Yep. And so do you. So be authentic and transparent. It helps to build bridges. Next, identify some common ground. You know, when you establish a relationship through a proactive sort of openness, it won't be long before you discover some common interests. Maybe there'll be something as simple as common interest in hunting or sports or decorating or parenting. I was blessed this week in our parenting class in the cafe called Homepage. There was 35 or so, maybe 40 people there and 8 of them were not from North Way. Some North Way friends felt the liberty to bring some other friends to that class. Well, that's exactly what it's supposed to be. And maybe it's a spiritual identification. Have you ever had a conversation where someone said, you know, I didn't, I never read the Bible when I was growing up or I don't understand anything about the Bible. And that's a good time not for you to say, well, you know what, I know a lot about the Bible. It's a much better time for you to say, you know what, when I was growing up, I didn't know much about the Bible either. But I'm discovering some things now and it's a great point of identification, common ground. Look for that common ground. Look for the place where you can say, hey, I know how you're feeling, I know what you're going through. Let's talk about it. Look what Paul says. Whatever a person is like, I try to find common ground with him so that he will let me tell him about Christ and let Christ save him. Common ground, a point of identity, a point of things that you can share together. Next thing that you can do is to demonstrate God's love. Turn your line over, demonstrate God's love. Look at these two scriptures. Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ. Let me, let us stop just saying that we love people. Let us really love them and show it by our actions. I love that verse. You might want to circle that one. 1 John 3, 17. Don't just say you love people, but show it. Serve them. You know, let me give you three ways that you can show people God's love. Acceptance, affirmation, and assistance. There's not a blank for those who don't want to write them down. Accepting them. One of the things that keeps people out of the church of Christ these days is that they feel that if they go into the church, they're going to be judged. One thing the media has done very well is to cast you and I in this image that, you know what, inside that church are a lot of people who are going to point the finger at you for everything that you've done wrong. You're part of the religious right. You're part of the fanatic fundamentalists. And if you come into that church, boy, you're going to get judged. If you've sinned, if your marriage is in trouble, if you've had an abortion, if you have a drinking problem, if you're deeply in debt because you've indulged yourself and spent out of control, if you've been living with someone outside of marriage, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, you know, you say, well, Pastor Jay, aren't those sins? Yes, they are. Most likely they are. But listen, Jesus Christ hung out with people just like that. He hung out with prostitutes. He hung out with people who had betrayed their country. He hung out with drunkards. He was called a friend of sinners. I don't think that would be said of too many of us. We're just a little more comfortable to be a friend of the friends that we all hang out with. And God's looking for people who will go out to the church and find some people who are in trouble and accept them where they are and love them where they are. Now, we're not approving of that. We're not saying, oh, that's just fine. We're not saying that behavior is good. We're not saying, doesn't matter. We're not certainly condoning it. We're just saying, however, that God will meet you there and bring you to where He wants you to go because it's God's job to change people, not yours, not mine. So it starts with accepting them. And then you move on. Once you've learned that, to affirm them. And you know what, friends? I have discovered that everybody is struggling with one part of their life or more. How many of you, don't put your hand up quite yet, but if you were really honest today, there's one area of your life that's just not exactly where you want it to be? Well, let me say a little more directly. How many of you are really struggling with one area of your life? It's a problem. I mean, it's a struggle. It's bringing you down. Now put your hand up. Okay. Can we all relax in that then? If that's true in here, it's very, every bit is true out in the world. And we, you know how encouraging it is to have someone come along who's sensitive to that and just sort of affirms you in the midst of it and gives you that emotional support and says, you know, hey, I'm there for you. Anything I can do to help you through. Just genuine love. Bearing a burden of someone who's going through a point of need. And when that kind of person walks into your life, you have no idea the impact that it can have. I want you to hear a testimony today of a family that's been affected because somebody in the midst of their daily work routine picked up on the fact that this person was hurting in a point of need. And God used that as a bridge to help this person find their way to Christ. So would you give a warm welcome, please, to Bill and Jilson, Sari, and their family along with Carl and Bonnie Adler as they come up. Let's give them a great welcome as they come up. By the way, as they're coming, I know someone, a little bit of a health issue back here and they're fine, I understand. The paramedics came and had to help assist them out. That's what the little bit of commotion was, but I understand they're going to be okay from what I've been told. have to learn to adapt to those things and we'll be sensitive and be praying for that person. I'll find out who they are in just a moment. We'll pray for them at the end of the service. Okay? Bill and Jill, thanks for staying. It's great of you guys and kids. Bonus lunch, okay? Tell your dad I want to go out to lunch someplace. Good morning. This is my family. I'm Bill Sinceri. Jill and I met when we were in high school when we were both 15 years old. When we were 16 years old, we experienced the death of Jill's brother, Mark, who had just turned 18 at the time. He, along with four other teenagers, died in a drunk driving accident in which Jill's brother was the driver. Jill's dad died in February, a month later, from the complications of alcohol abuse also. Later that year, I lost my brother in a house fire. And the following year, Jill's mother died of the same complications of alcohol. At that point, Jill was basically on her own, living off a small social security settlement. Jill and I managed to make it through high school the rest of our high school years as most youngest children of large families do. We had our share of troubles. Most were related to drugs and alcohol. After high school, Jill went to a trade school and I went to college and worked at the family business in the Strip District. At the age of 21, we married and had our first son, Sal. I was in full-blown drug addiction and Jill was trying to get her hand at motherhood. I managed to get to work four, luckily four, out of five days a week. Jill's dream was always to have a large family. Eighteen months later, Sal's brother Joe was born. Different problems came up now and then, but we were both too busy to address them. Jill and her mothering and me and my addiction. The addiction really took control of my life. Jill was aware of my drug use, but not the amount of money I spent or the severity of the problem. Eighteen months later, a daughter, Jessica, was born. The children and my wife needed me more than ever, but I couldn't seem to get it together for them. Through these years of addiction, Jill was also having some unexplained illnesses that were later attributed to the stress of small children without the support of a husband. In August of 87, I made an attempt to get clean, but that didn't last very long. By the time Melissa was born on New Year's Eve, my addiction had consumed me all over again, this time worse than the last. Now there was Jill, just 26 years old, raising four small children and one helpless addict, me. In 1988, Jill had a miscarriage, which still hadn't even fazed me. The miscarriage came as a direct result of the stress she was under. The children were too young to understand, and I never felt the loss or pain. I don't even remember how Jill felt. I wasn't there to comfort her. She always said I was physically there, but not emotionally. In January of 1990, Michael was born. The children were now going to nursery school where Jill was also teaching. Salad started kindergarten just before Michael was born and was having a difficult time with separation. The children would draw pictures of their family, and their dad was always laying down in bed sleeping. In the spring of 1991 is when the medical problems became the excuse to cover up how bad the addiction was. I had everything from ulcer problems to sinus problems to almost letting the doctors take my gallbladder so I could just continue to use and have a reason for feeling so sick. I had also been dwindling away our savings without Jill's knowledge, and we were now in serious debt. I went into the drug hat. I went into drug rehabilitation with the help of my father and my family. So now you have a father in recovery going to meetings every night and a mom at home still taking care of five children. It didn't seem to get any better for Jill. She thought I had just changed my addictions from drugs to meetings, not knowing that without the meetings I eventually would continue my drug use. Even when I was in the room, Jill felt as if she were alone. She managed the house, the children, and the money. In the spring of 1995, things in our marriage were not going well and we had drifted apart. Jill, towards the children and the problems that were arising with attention deficit disorder, and me with my meetings in recovery and my endless need to fill a void. I spent a lot of time and money trying to fill that void with material things. I bought cars and boats. I became obsessed with large-ticket items, anything I could get my hands on. We separated in the fall of 1995. It devastated the children and nearly put Jill over the edge. Through all of this, Jill was taking the children to church regularly and was also teaching at the CCD there. I think she was also looking to fill a void by trying to get active in the church, but it just wasn't enough. We reconciled about six weeks later and Jill decided to attend Al-Anon meetings to deal with me and her own issues of living with a recovering addict and growing up with alcoholic parents. Things were much better for us, but there was still a void that we were both seeking to fill in our lives. At this point, I had also gotten involved in the church by becoming a Eucharistic minister, and Jill was still involved in the CCD program. Our children were getting older and several years of family therapy. Our children were getting older, and after several years of family therapy under the advice of our doctor, we decided to send our oldest son, Sal, to a private boarding school in Georgia. That was very difficult to send your oldest child away to school for two years. This also had a tremendous impact on our four children at home as well as a stressful impact on our marriage. It was apparent that Sal leaving was very painful for his brother, Joe. His behavior became very disruptive. We then continued to commute to Georgia every few months to be with Sal and try to deal with Joe's behavior while still trying to keep a healthy atmosphere for the rest of our children. By now, it's now 1999 and we're in preparation for Sal's return home. We knew the adjustment was not going to be easy for everyone. The children were now getting older and unaware of what the future held for them in their mixed-up life. In January, one of the elders from the church, Carl Adler, who had been a business associate for mine for a couple of years, came into our store. I had not seen Carl for about a year, but the day he walked into my office, he could see I was in deep pain. My marriage was not at its best and my children were in emotional difficulties. Carl then invited us to come to church and see Strike Force. I discussed this with Jill and she agreed, but we decided not to tell the children that it was anything more than entertainment. Jill and the children and I met Carl and his wife Bonnie for dinner and came to North Way to watch the show. We were so moved by what Keith Kraft and these Christian athletes were saying in their testimonies, we couldn't believe it. It was like nothing we had ever felt before. Towards the end of the evening, Keith asked who wanted to give their life to Christ. I feared Jill's reaction because I was always seeming to jump into things without first thinking them through. And Jill feared that this was just another obsession of mine. She later told me that she was afraid I wouldn't continue and the children would suffer, but I felt such a strong desire to let Christ into my life, I was holding my son Joey's hand and I looked at Jill and I said, I want to go. And she said, go. At that point, my son Joey and I went to the front of the church. It took Jill and the other children a second request, but they came down, which I didn't know they were behind me. On the way home that night, in the car ride back to the South Hills, the children were full of questions and enthusiasm about the show. They were asking if they could go back and see it again and they asked if they could have Bibles. Now this is from children who went to church every week, but not without a fight. We came back to Strikeforce for the last night and we brought a friend with us. Through this time, Jill was very skeptical about what was going on. She didn't know if she could continue to nurture the children through this church if I suddenly lost interest, as I usually did. That Sunday, we attended services and have continued ever since. Jessie then got a call at home about joining the middle school youth group and gladly accepted the invitation. Now we were traveling about 35 minutes on Sunday from Mount Lebanon and again on Wednesday nights for youth group. Twice a week wasn't so bad until we decided to join marriage menders. At this point, we were meeting more people in the church and wanted to get more involved. Jill even thought of finding a Christian church close to home. It just didn't seem to work for us. We were excited about coming to North Way and that's where we wanted to stay. We had just put an addition on our home and that was finished in the fall of 1998 so we really weren't looking to move, but the Lord was guiding us towards this church and Carl invited me to a men's Bible study that met in the North Hills every Wednesday morning. That's where I met Bonnie's cousin, Charlie, who was also a Christian and a person I really looked up to. He had a similar situation as I did with a family business. It turns out that Charlie was interested in moving out west and selling his property in the North Hills. We then became very interested. We prayed about our situation and what God wanted us to do with our lives. Both Jill and I agreed it would be much easier to raise a Christian family in a place that was closer to the church and our Christian friends. We saw the house, fell in love with it, and moved to the North Hills in August. Well, it's been eight months since we gave our lives to Christ and things aren't perfect. The enemy has tried to get in quite a few times in these past months. We now have three children going to Eden Christian Academy who also participate in the youth group and help out at the nursery during services. Sal, my oldest son, participates in the high school youth group. Mike was involved with the Pioneers and Jesse dances in the dance group with Ginger. They all seem to be having a wonderful time learning about Christ and what a difference he can make in their lives and all our lives. Thank you to all of our Christian friends, especially the Adler's and the Migliosi's who loved and supported us through these hard times and big decisions we've made since we've come to know Christ as our Lord and Savior. We know that this is only the beginning of our walk with Christ and we are very eager to reap his awesome benefits. Thank you very much. This is impromptu and I'll ask a question because Bill kind of laid it out there and said Jill had a hard time. How's it happening? It's wonderful. It's more than I could have ever asked for. I am very happy and just so pleased to be here with all these people. They came out to me last service and they're just wonderful. Thank you. So you're making progress. You're a blessing to us. God bless you. Thanks, guys. Thank you. There's so much of that story that is still being told. But it's just one family that's been through that was falling apart comes together like that with profound issues. I mean, Bill was sensitive in telling us just the essential details not the gory details. And I'm just so proud of people like Carl and Bonnie who cared enough. You know, it's an investment. Carl found common ground but then I know how many times he'd call me and say, you know what? I'm going down to Bill's again. It's like the other side of the city and pray for me and we're working through things. How many times you know, it takes when you love somebody it's an investment. And that's why, friends, I said, each one reach one. Because I don't think he could handle 10 bills, could you, Carl? Big as a guy, 10 bills at once would put anybody under. But now, as Carl reaches Bill and Bill reaches another, you see, friends, that's the way it works. And that's what God's doing in our church and I'm just so thrilled to be part of it. It's such an unbelievable thing and I look and see this family and realize this is a family on the road as Bill very accurately said. It's a process, but they're on the road. Now, because our time's about gone, I'm not going to finish the message today. In fact, I'm going to finish up next week and I'm going to finish what the bridge stands for. But I'm also going to talk about how that relates specifically to your families. Because some of the toughest people to share with are the ones right in your own household or extended family, aren't they? The ones that you love the most are the most difficult. But I do want you to take this one little card out of your North Way Notes. It has this image on the front and I included this just for those of you who need something to share with somebody. You don't know how to start a conversation. Well, here's a great way to help people know that sometimes what they see isn't fully exposing the whole story. Now, here's what I need you to do. If this isn't something that appeals to you, you can just sit and quietly listen. But I'd like you all to take this if you wouldn't mind. And it isn't something that you just stare at and all of a sudden you see something. So don't try that. And you don't turn it upside down. It's not a trick. Okay? But here's what I'd like you to do. I'd like you to take a look at this and maybe hold it just sort of arm's length or wherever you, you know, if you're really having trouble with your eyes, you might want to... Okay, and then there's four little dots right in the center of that image. Okay, just for the next 15 seconds, just quietly look at those four little dots, would you? Just take a look at those. Don't look around. Don't look at your neighbors. And just look a