Focusing Your Life I, 7 Steps To Relieve Your Stress

You know it's a holiday weekend? Yeah, how many of you knew that? I mean, how many of you are off tomorrow? Let me see your hands. How many of you wish you were and you were going to be? Well, despite the fact that it's a holiday weekend, there's quite a lot of people that came out today to learn how to manage and, better yet, relieve their stress. I began to reduce my stress today by dressing down a little bit. Because I got tired of fidgeting with starched buttons and this was a lot more comfortable. In the magazine, a very popular marketing tool, American Demographics, a recent 1994 issue said that one in five Americans experience stress at a maximal level. In other words, what they call stressed-out level. One in five, every single day. And that 60% experience that level of stress at least once a week. I just want to do a little informal sample here to see how many people in this church experience stress and maybe even can identify with some of the language. You end the sentence or the phrase with me if you're familiar with it, okay? Try this one. I'm all stressed out. I'm all shook. Okay. I'm at the end of my... I'm coming unglued, apart. I'm about to fall apart. I'm feeling burned out. I'm ready to throw in the... Yeah, some of you are really good at this. We could go on and on, couldn't we? And we all know, we've been told loud and clear by all the, quote, experts, that stress creates a terrible toll in this country in terms of health. And I mean, it's a serious problem. And so we're trying to do all kinds of things to relieve our stress. The same little article talked about the fact that among adults who sleep six hours or less a night, 43% feel stressed out every day. And those who sleep seven or eight hours, only 14%. So getting enough sleep begins to help. But maybe you're not getting enough sleep because all the stress... There's other ways to relieve stress. We have one right here. Thanks, Wayne. How many of you know what this is? Everyone in the first service knew what this was. Do you know what this is? This is a stress ball. Would you like to borrow it? You just take this thing and you just... When you're feeling it coming, just squeeze. It doesn't do anything. Just kind of slowly. And you breathe deeply. And the idea is after a while, your stress disappears. I mean, how many of you take stress vitamins? And you get a stress pillow? And all this kind of thing. But recently, I found the best advice I could find from a secular source on stress. Someone put this on my desk about two weeks ago. It was called an anti-stress kit. And all you had to do was bang your head here and slide it up in very simple directions. Place it on a firm surface. Follow directions in front of the kit. Bang your head here. And repeat until you're anti-stressed or become unconscious. And so we passed that out. And everybody on the staff has one. And we can make them available. If the message doesn't help, we'll get you one of those. I've discovered in my discussions with different ones of you that stress kind of covers the whole gamut of place in life and socioeconomic backgrounds. It isn't just unique to hard-driving yuppies. It has to do with a lot of different kinds of people. I was at the department store a couple months ago. And I encountered a North Way person who had some kind of a blue maintenance jacket on. And I said to him, I thought you worked at such and such a place. He said, oh, I do. This is my other job. I work 80 to 90 hours a week. I talked to a businessman. He said, I get to the office at 7 in the morning. And I rarely get home before 8 or 8.30 at night. Sometimes I don't break for lunch. Moms tell me, having three or four youngsters around underfoot all the time, at the end of their day, they are just maxed out. They're feeling terrific stress. Single parents, they have their own unique stresses. High school students have their stresses. But dear ones, these stresses are real. But my conviction, and what I want to talk about today, is that they are not the source. They're not the root of our problems. They're not what really is going on. It's an underneath sort of issue. It's a deeper issue that I want to talk about. And I want to look at the life of Jesus as a study on how to relate to the Father in a way that defies stress. You know, the Bible never says of Jesus, oh, he then hurried off to his next appointment. There's no record of the disciples turning to him and saying, Master, you look really burned out today. But did he have pressure? Was he under a lot of criticism and judgment and potentially enormous consequences for his life? Absolutely. Was he misunderstood and misjudged? Yet all along, Jesus maintained this calm sense of balance. He seemed almost stress-resistant. How did he do it? I want to look at seven ways. All right, write them down. Use your outline. The first one is Jesus modeled in the Gospels the principle of identification. I know who I am. And dear ones, if you want to win the battle against stress in your life, you have to know who you are. I must know who I am. This is critical. I don't want to go off at this point until I know you've gotten it. Jesus, 18 times in the Gospels, said, I am. I am the Son of God. I am the light of the world. I am the door. I am the way, the truth, and the life. I am the bread of life. Eighteen different times. He had no doubt about who he was. Later on, he said, in John 8, verse 18, I testify on my own behalf. In other words, I know what I'm talking about because I know who I am. The saddest condition that I see, and it happens to people here at North Way from time to time, is I see people who don't know who they are. They're one half or maybe a third of the way through their whole adult life, and they're still asking the question, who really am I? What am I really all about? And can I tell you this? If you don't know who you are, if you don't know what you're all about, someone else will determine that for you. They'll put you in a box. They'll make you what they want you or need you to be. They'll squeeze you and conform you to their image of what your life should be all about. And when you're being squeezed to what your boss, or listen, high schoolers, your friends, or your partner, or your associate, or your spouse wants you to be, when you're getting squeezed, that's called stress. Don't try to be something that you're not. It doesn't really work. How many of you have ever walked off the golf course more stressed than when you walked on? I do every time. I've determined I'm not a golfer. I mean, I try. But it's a stress producer, not a stress reliever. People who are golfers, I mean, they feel great when they get off the golf course. Don't try to be what you're not. You ever watch a high school student walk into a group where he or she's trying to fit in, but they really don't, you know, with the athletes, or, you know, and they just try to fit in, but they don't really? They're so uptight. They're afraid they're going to make a mistake and not be accepted. You've got to get comfortable with who you are. You have to know your God-given identity and your strengths and weaknesses. And dear ones, you have to face the truth about yourself. God created you just the way you are and has designed in you some unique qualities and strengths. You've got to embrace who you are in Christ, accept it, affirm it, build on it, celebrate it, and say, you can't say, I am the bread of life, but you can say, I am a child of God. I am loved by my Father. I am more than a conqueror through him who loved me and gave his life for me. And you can begin to celebrate that and not worry about who you're not. It'll dramatically reduce your stress when you stop trying to be someone else. I know. When I was just beginning my preaching and teaching ministry before Northwest, kind-hearted, well-intended people would come up to me after I would preach, and they'd give me a cassette tape of Charles Stanley or Chuck Swindoll or John MacArthur. Or if they really wanted me to feel bad, it would be someone like E.V. Hill. And they'd say, well, Pastor, listen to this tape and work on it. And I'll never forget, one person came up to me after one of my messages, and I was a young guy, and they started with these words. They said, nice try. Listen to this. And I tried. I mean, I listened to them. I used to stand up and say, how would Billy Graham say this? But you know what? I finally realized I'm not Billy Graham nor Chuck Swindoll nor John MacArthur. I'm just me. And once I accepted that with its strengths and weaknesses, a lot of stress went out of my life. If one of you come up to me afterwards today with a tape. Second principle, dedication. Know whom I'm trying to please. Dear ones, if you try to please everybody, you're in serious trouble. Lots of people do. They try to please everyone. They're called people pleasers. They try to please crowd A, but when they do, crowd B's unhappy. They try to please crowd B, and crowd A gets unhappy. And so they're back and forth, torn up inside. Nobody can please everybody, not even God. Right? I mean, this weekend, hundreds, maybe thousands of people in Pittsburgh were praying for snow because they wanted to have a ski weekend. I was praying for sunshine so you could get to church. I mean, no way God can please everybody. My question is, why should we then try to do something God can't even do? All right? Sort of tongue-in-cheek, if you were here last year, I was praying for the weather all last winter when we were building the building, and we almost went under. So I'm just reveling a little bit in that. But God can't do it. We can't do it. You know, as a pastor, I've learned something. I always seem to disappoint someone. I mean, there are people I just, you know, I don't quite get to or don't say the right thing or I'll pass them in the hall. And we, you know, don't say something to them. I realize I'm going to disappoint people and so will you. You have to become comfortable with who are you going to please. Look what Jesus said. Just pick up your island and look at this. I only try to please the one who sent me. John 5.30. Circle the word only there. I just try to please my Father, Jesus is saying. You can't serve multiple masters. It just won't work. You've got to live your life for an audience of one. And when you try to please the Father, two great things happen. Number one, you're always right because God will undertake for you, according to Matthew 6.33. And number two, it simplifies your life. If God's the one you're trying to please and it's not man, life gets a lot more simple. Jesus wasn't stressed out because he didn't allow fear of rejection or need for approval. Listen, those two things, fear of rejection, need for approval. If they motivate or dominate or influence your life, you're destined for stress and misery. Again, young people, hear what I'm saying. Live your life to please your Heavenly Father. Jesus knew who he was, who he was trying to please. He realized he didn't have to be loved by everybody. He wasn't. And neither will you be. Let me ask you, candidly today. Whose approval are you depending on for your happiness? Do you need it? What if you don't get it? What's going to happen to you? The sad truth is there are some of you here today who are still trying to please an unpleasable parent somewhere. In some cases, that parent's already dead and gone. And you're living under the shadow of not matching up. You've got to know whose you are and you've got to know who you're trying to please. And once you do that, then you'll begin to know how to walk sort of in a stress-released kind of situation. Number three, prioritization. Know what I want to accomplish. Because you just simply can't do everything. The key to relieving your stress is to focus your life. I mean, you're going to be guided by one of two things in life. Either by pressures or priorities. Only two options I've discovered. If you're guided by priorities, you're doing what you think God wants you to do. But if you're guided by pressures, you're doing what everybody else thinks you ought to do. How many of you have ever heard of the five spiritual laws? There's really only four. You guys can put your hand up for anything. There's only four spiritual laws, right? I made up the fifth one. The fifth one is God loves you and everyone else has a wonderful plan for your life. But that's the very reason. This issue of focus, that's why I put this box on the back of your outline. If you weren't here last week, I know I talked to many people who took the time to think through this. Some of you just wouldn't do it because I asked you to. Some of you wouldn't do it because you didn't have time. But my heart is crying out again. Take some moments today and say, God, the core motivation of my life for 1995, the mainspring of what's driving me for the year ahead, if it's getting to know God better, if it's dealing with my guilt, if it's restoring my marriage, I don't know, whatever it is for you, and then the one or two or three priorities that would help to drive you forward. That will make an enormous difference. Because if you don't, you're going to experience what Charles Hummel called the tyranny of the urgent. You know what the tyranny of the urgent is? That's when things that scream at you take care of me, do me, take care of me now, will push out what's really important. I have two little piles in my desk. One is an urgent pile and one is an important pile. I find if I leave the urgent pile go for more than two days, most of it doesn't matter. And I go back to it later and pick up the ones that do. As you study the life of Jesus, it's very clear, John 8, 14, that Jesus knew what it was he was to accomplish. Look what it says in the front again. I know where I come from and where I'm going. Don't you wish you could say that? I know where I've come from and I know where I'm going. A great study, for those of you who like to do word studies, study the number of times that Jesus says in the Gospels, I must. I must proclaim. I must go to this town or village. I must declare. Look at the bottom of the outline. I must proclaim the good news for I was sent for this purpose. Jesus lived a purpose-driven life. He wasn't just responding to need. He was moving into it. I came to seek and save the lost. I came that they may have life. He knew why he came. And you know what? I oftentimes will come at the end of my day. Do you ever do this? And you sort of look at your day and you walk home and you say, I don't really know what I did. I was there all day. Did I get anything done? And when I do that, I realize I've gotten caught in the trap of the tyranny of the urgent. Are you ever just busy but not productive? There's a difference. What's driving your life? What's in that box? Is it, gee, I need to make more money? Is it, oh, I've got to keep up with the status quo in my neighborhood? Is it, well, you know, I just want to be a better golfer? What's driving your life? Is it I want to just survive the wintertime? I want the approval of others? If those things are driving you, those are weak motivations that won't last. Number four, concentration. Focus on what is really most important. This is really a corollary. Once you know what it is that you're here to accomplish, then focus on it. Avoid distractions because those are the things that will pull your own life off of the course that God has set for you. You know, I've discovered if Satan can't get you to do wrong things, he'll get you to do too many good things. You discover that? I mean, if you're not trapped in all kinds of evil and sin, he'll just pile you up with good things to do until you get kind of discouraged and worn out, and then you just begin to be overcommitted and you get down and you say, you know, I guess I'm not really pleasing God anymore. Jesus knew exactly what he had to get done, and he had lots more to do that he didn't get to. How many of you believe that there were more people who needed healed? More people who needed set free from demonic oppression? More times he could have preached. Look at this overhead, Luke 9, 51. Once Jesus knew what he was to do, here's what it says. Read it with me. As the time drew near for his return to heaven, he moved steadily toward Jerusalem with an iron will. Once he knew what he had to accomplish, even though there were these demands crying out, Jesus looked toward Jerusalem where he was going to be crucified. And with an iron will, he fixed himself and was not going to be distracted. He was not going to be pulled away. The apostle Paul says it this way. Look with me at Philippians 3, verses 13 and 14. Look at this. But one thing I do, Paul says, not 40 things that I dabble in, one thing I do, forgetting what is behind. And by the way, can I just ask some of you maybe to consider that's what's holding you back. You haven't forgotten what's behind. Straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward. Church, if we'll just bring focus to our creative energies, we'll find an enormous ability to get past where we are. You know, I look out here every week and I see such incredible spiritual potential. I've talked to some people in the hall between services who have such a heart to make a difference with their one and only life. And I see potential. I look at some of you week after week occupying the same basic space and I know that what keeps you from going on and really experiencing fullness and fulfillment is your life is just too scattered. You're just trying to do too many things. You're too consumed with just surviving. And I don't say that in any sense to put a trip on you. In fact, the Bible says that God created good works for you to walk in. He's got something He wants you to do and to move in. But the problem is, without oversimplification, we just don't discover what grace, gift, and God has put into us and we end up frittering our life away because we won't even take the time to discover it. There's been many, many times in the last couple of years that I've awakened in the morning too tired to be alone with God to have a quiet time. Did you ever get that? Oh, I just got to sleep and hit that button again and get another few minutes. And as I have examined that, you know what that usually is? Because I just had to watch the 11 o'clock news. But I thought this week, I wonder, has the 11 o'clock news ever changed my life? Amazingly, the 11 o'clock news is rarely different at all from the 6 o'clock news. And if I would just get out of that little cycle and get to bed earlier when the alarm went off at 5 or 5.30, I'd be ready to get up. I'd be fresh. I'd be ready to be with God. You know, one day the Scriptures say that the Lord is going to call us to account for the way that we've used. Write down Matthew 25 and 1 Corinthians 3. Now I want to say something very important here. You will not be accepted into heaven based on what you have done. Your works do not gain entry into heaven. You know that if you come here for any length of time. But you will be held accountable for your life. And the Scriptures teach very plainly that the Lord is going to look at you and say, well tell me, what did you do with your one and only life? What did you do with the talents I gave you? What did you do with the gifts I gave you? And I think it's going to be a pretty awkward moment when we say to God, well you know, Lord, I just didn't have time to have a quiet time very often. I didn't have time to be in a small group. I didn't have time to get into a ministry. I didn't have time to share my faith. I was too busy to study the Word. I didn't really get a whole lot done with my life. Church, please hear this. The Father won't love you any less, but I believe there will be a deep sense of grief in your heart that you wasted a major portion of your one and only. I tell you, I burn with a passion that you grasp this. Because as your pastor, I think he's going to say to me, well why didn't you help those people? Touch the destiny that I had for them. I came across this quote a couple of months ago and it really has affected me. Five minutes after we die, we'll understand what's most important. We will see with the clarity of eternity, the blinders will be gone. We can choose either to take off the blinders now while we still have our earthly lives to live, or to wait for them to be taken off after death when it will be too late to change anything we've done on earth. And then this point. May what will be most important to us five minutes after we die become most important to us right now. May what will be most important to me five minutes, what I wish I would say five minutes after I die, may that become most important to me right now. Concentrate your life. Next, number five, delegation. Let other people help me. One of the things that keeps us from maintaining our focus is the idea that we have to do it all ourselves. How many of you appointed yourselves general manager of the universe? You've got to have everything under control. Interestingly, I've discovered that even if you think that when you get sick, or when you have an accident, or get out of commission somehow, what happens to the rest of the world when you're laid up in bed? It just keeps going on like you never even were there. You want to see how impactful your life is? Stick your arm in a bucket of water sometime and pull it out and see the impression you make. How many can complete this sentence because it's become your personal credo? See if you can complete it with me. If you want a job done right, and you know really what that is? That's the motto of a perfectionist who's headed for burnout. Or at least distraction or diffusion. Honestly, if I look at that, it's the credo of an egotist or a prideful person who in some way thinks he or she is the only one that can get it done that way. The way it's supposed to be. It's strange, isn't it, that Jesus Christ took a decidedly different approach? Did you notice that? How many of you think that Jesus probably could have preached a better sermon than the other disciples? Or, let me say, how many of you think Jesus was more effective in healing ministry? I mean, if Jesus were here for that healing line and Peter was here, which line would you get in? But strangely enough, Jesus didn't just do it all himself. He drew 12 men around him and then the 17. He said, now you go out and do it. And I just want to submit to you, if the Son of God did it that way, maybe there are people who can help you with your burden and your load and help you to carry some of the weight. You know, we get under stress when we feel like we have to handle all of our problems ourselves. I made the problem. It's mine. I'm going to own it. You can't have it. I'll handle it. And that's kind of the way we operate. And I'm here to tell you today, within 25 feet of you, right now, I'm sure there is someone that God has gifted to help you with a problem or a situation or a decision or a need that you have. That's the nature of the church. That's why the Bible says 33 times, do these things for one another. Help one another. Support one another. Encourage one another. But we don't ask. We don't open up. Why? Two reasons. Simple. The two great imposters of our lives, fear and pride. You'll hear me talk about them all the time. Those two liars will creep in and say, if you let someone know that you're really having a tough time, they're going to think less of you. If you ask for that, you're going to be on the bottom of the pile in terms of everyone else's. No, you're not. People are just going to think you're like them. Because they have the same story. And that's why small groups are such a healthy way to learn dependence and support one to another. So, think of delegation. You know what? When I first started North Way, with eight other couples, I mean, basically they all had full-time jobs and they were employed in the marketplace. And they said, well, we'd like you to be the pastor. So I had to do everything. I mean, we were renting a space at Bradley House down there when it was just reopening. And I'd get there and I'd set up the chairs and I'd kind of run off whatever bulletins we had. And I took the one little dangling 75-watt spotlight and put it on what was to be a platform and made sure I tried to lead the praise. And I did everything. I tried to do everything. I even did nursery duty once. Once. And I tried to do everything. But now, hundreds of you, you do the ministry. I mean, you care for each other. You contribute your gifts and your skills and your talents and you come to know the joy of making a difference. I talked to a new person after the first service right on the back and she said, I'm new to this church. And I said, well, what are you looking for? She's saying, I'm looking for a place where I can make a difference with my gifts. I said, wow. You're in the right place. And she wants to work with youth. And I say to you, church, learn just to get involved and just to plug into others and grab a hold of that principle of delegation. Your stress level just slowly goes down. Number six, meditation. Make a habit of prayer. Finish this hymn with me. Oh, what peace we often forfeit. Oh, what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. I believe that's the truth. Prayer is a great way to relieve stress. And I have to tell you, how you pray will make a big difference. I pray to God in the same way I often would want to relieve my stress on my own. And I don't think God's the least bit offended when I say, God, I don't understand that. Would you please help me with this? I don't just, oh, Lord. I just pour out my heart. And you know what? I think it's a whole lot better just to sort of unload on God than it is to unload on a friend or a spouse. What do you think? Just let, God can handle your emotion. He wants to. And so prayer becomes very important. It comforts me to know that Jesus took time to pray about his life. Look at Luke 5, 15. It says, crowds came to hear him and to be healed, but Jesus often slipped away to be alone so he could pray. Underline that. Often slipped away so he could be alone to pray. In fact, the busier Jesus got, the more he took time. And just a little word of counsel here. The busier your life gets, the more you need time to pray and be alone. I think solitude is a vanishing quality in this culture. Have you discovered that? I mean, we are so busy, so bent on doing one thing after another after another after another. And my own personal life, the more we grow as a church, the more people I see who have needs. I mean, I went to a restaurant a few weeks ago, and the person who came up to wait on me said, well, I don't go to your church, but my brother-in-law's half-sister does. And I'd like to talk to you about this situation I have. And I was fine. I don't mind that. You know, that's okay. But every once in a while, I just need to get away from people too. I need some alone time. I need to just sort of do what the Bible says. Be still and know. Know what? That I am God. When was the last time you were still? No radio, no television, no noise. Just still. But it's been a while. I realize this is very basic, but we set ourselves up for stress because we don't plug into the grace of God consciously. We just start our day off as if everything's going to work out. Try starting your day with God rather than bad morning America. Think about the way we start our days. What's the very first thing most of us hear in the morning? It's our alarm clock, right? And our alarm clock goes off and makes this horrendous sound. Both of my boys have alarm clocks, and they don't wake up to music because they can't turn up loud enough. So it's like 6.15, and I'm like jolting out of bed because these alarms are going on. Don't you wish they could create a radio or something that could say, Welcome to this beautiful new morning. So glad you're awakening to join the world. But what do you do? Your alarm clock goes off, and you start to get your breakfast ready. You turn on the TV, and you hear about Bosnia and Mexico and the peso, and then you hear about the drive-by shootings and the political stuff that's going on and the OJ trial and all that. And then you sit down with your breakfast to read the paper, and gang violence that broke out, and 200 more people laid off at Clark, and strikes in the basement, and all this stuff. And you get your car ready to go to work, and it's the traffic jam, and don't go down there. And you get to work at 8 o'clock, and you say, I feel stressed beyond belief already. I haven't even started my work day. Little tip for you folks. You do far better to leave all that stuff off and just wake up. You don't need all that input. In fact, next week, I was so impressed with this, I'm going to do part two of this little series, How to Develop a Devotional Habit. And may I say, if you've tried and failed, I think there will be something in this for you. I may even renew some things of your conviction in this. Well, finally, after meditation, number seven, relaxation. Take a little time to enjoy life. Some of us are so used to going at the red line of our personal schedules, we feel guilty about dropping back a little bit. Or if not guilty, wasteful. Everyone who's an alcoholic, alcoholic, workaholic, listen. An alcoholic at my work, too. Taking time to rest and relax, that's not wasted time, that's important time. You know, again, Jesus' life is instructive to us. There were more people to be saved, more places He wanted to minister, more to be healed and delivered, but Jesus took time off to rest. And my question is, do you think your job is more important than Jesus? Look at Mark 6, verse 31. Crowds of people were coming and going so that they didn't even have time to eat. And He said to them, in the midst of this pressure, look at this, come away by yourselves and we will go to a lonely place to get some rest. When's the last time you've done that? It's very healthy to schedule that time. Because if you don't, something more pressing will always come up. I have these three little phrases I use. You might want to jot these on the margins there. Divert daily, withdraw weekly, abandon annually. You might want to write that down. Divert daily. What does that mean? Divert every day. You should find some little chunk of time where you just do something for you. Maybe it's aerobics. Maybe it's hitting some golf balls at the driving range. Maybe it's gardening a little bit. Maybe it's reading a book or listening to music. Do something that you get energized by doing. Maybe just spend some time with your kids. Maybe get away from your kids. But do what you need to do to get energized. Second, withdraw weekly. Abandon annually. Once a week you should take a day off. You'd be amazed how many people sitting here today work every single day. And they think they're going to get ahead. And God's Word says you're going to pay a big price. In fact, it's such a high priority. God made it one of the top ten commandments. Keep a Sabbath day holy unto God. And abandon annually. Once a year at least. Take some time just out of the loop. Even if it has to be some kind of a place where maybe you don't have any money to spend on a vacation. You can find places to go where people will receive you in or give you their place or whatever. Jesus came, the Bible says, Matthew 11, 19, enjoying life. Can I say that one of the scourges of this lifestyle that many of us are in is that we wear this solemn, somber, kind of negative cast about ourselves. One of the things that I often do is I see some of you driving your cars. Some of you elders, staff people, leaders. I see you driving your cars looking like you're waiting for some bomb to fall on you. Lighten up a little bit when you're driving. Smile at the person who's passing you. It's usually me, alright? Don't be so intense. One of the greatest impediments for people who you're seeking to engage in a conversation about the Christian life is if you're saying, Man, life's really a bummer. Man, I'm really under attack. Oh, it's everything. Who's going to want a life like that, you know? The Bible says Jesus came enjoying life. One of my life's verses, Jesus said, I have come that they might have life and have it more abunda