Fearless, Imagine Life Without Fear II

Has come early this year for Kelly Fry and her husband Jason. After a complicated, difficult pregnancy, Kelly gave birth to the couple's first child back in September, a baby boy named Bennett. So many of you have been asking us, how is Kelly, how is Bennett? Well, a few days ago I stopped by their home to see Kelly and Jason and their Thanksgiving miracle. Eight-week-old Bennett Ryan was wide awake when Kelly picked him up out of his crib. It felt like I had known the little guy already. Say, who is that man? Is that Mike? Did you hear Mike for a lot of months? You heard Mike for many, many months, didn't you, huh? Look at how tiny he is. His fingers holding on to me and not letting go gives you an idea of how tough this little guy is. He wasn't supposed to have been able to hold on. Maybe he gets his strength from his mom. It has been a pregnancy, as you can see, that has been filled with grief and many, many tears. This is back on August 26th, Kelly sharing the news of her pregnancy with you, the viewer. Bennett wasn't supposed to have made it at all. Tuesday, April 21st, was a tough day. Roughly 10 o'clock in the morning, a time we'll never forget when we first got our terminal diagnosis. And that was hard, very hard. It takes us right back. Doctors diagnosed Bennett with holoprosencephaly, a severe malformation of the brain. Kelly and Jason were prepared for the worst. Many of the babies diagnosed with HBE are stillborn or die shortly after birth. Here we are, and we went through that whole time, you know, in the pregnancy, all those months, and just watching him get bigger on the ultrasounds and, you know, watching him in my tummy, little hands, you know, little feet, little heartbeat. It was always hard, but it was always joyous, too. But then when he came out on September 22nd... Delivery day, Bennett beat the odds. This photo captured the emotion. Bennett was not only breathing on his own, he was crying, screaming, letting people know that he was very much alive. I was so overwhelmed. I was almost scared to touch him at first because I was not in disbelief, but somewhat in disbelief that here is this child that we had lived with the knowledge for all those months, 7 months, that he was going to die, and that here he was, bundled up, and he was alive. And after 7 weeks in the hospital, including 3 serious surgeries, Bennett is now home with Mom and Dad, doing what kids do, such as swinging in his ultra-cool, vibrating infant swing. Tonight at 5 o'clock, we're going to tell you how baby Bennett is now doing, and the challenges ahead. I was going to say, it's good to see you. We were also there for a happy reunion. Kelly's doctor, who delivered Bennett, checks up on the little guy for the first time since he was born. Why Bennett is defying the odds. I think what it says is that, you know, anything can change at any time. There definitely should be hope and faith, no matter what, because, like I said at the very beginning, we are ultimately not in charge of any of this, and that this is truly a miracle. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Kelly and Jason Moon, and baby Bennett. We're already showing off beautiful pictures. Well, this is a great, great moment for us to share with you. Thank you, really, guys. You're welcome. We know it's no small sacrifice to pull everything together and come out. We were actually on time tonight. Well, yeah, I was impressed. That doesn't happen very often. The whole thing started on sort of a shaky note yesterday when I called Kelly to confirm things and just to kind of make sure everything was cool, and I called the cell phone the exact time, and she answers the phone, and I said, hi, this is Pastor Jason. She said, oh, no, it's you. We were a little busy. Yeah, you know, I get that a lot from people. Well, anyhow, you're here now, and you look great, and I think the thing that we're most appreciative of is the fact that this is going to be a real family time, and I want us all to maybe listen for in the midst of all this what God might be saying to us, because one thing I know already from our conversation is you're absolutely convinced God's been speaking to you in all this. Yeah, so let's go back a little bit. First of all, for the friends that don't know, you're no stranger to North Way. How long is the history again for being here? We moved to Pittsburgh in the summer of 2000 and fairly quickly wound up coming to North Way, so, you know, it's going on 10 years now. 10 years. Wow, okay. I just remember meeting Kelly a couple times and knowing she was in broadcasting, and then Jason traveled a lot, and then one day he showed up in his 260z, 280, no, 360. You know better than that. I know you know exactly what it was. He couldn't wait to get me in the car and do donuts in the parking lot, which we had a good time doing, knowing he was in the right... Then he knew he was in the right church, anyhow. The pastor related to that. But we... And then you guys, when Oakland campus became a reality, when was that that you joined there? Well, I mean, the first Sunday, because we thought it was closer so we could make it there on time a little bit more often than driving to Wexford, just teasing. But, no, it was... Oakland was a great location, and it was exciting. It was new, and it was the branch campus, so we were excited to go there and start to help out with the kids there, too, also after being here in the Jungle Room for a bit, for a while. So it really fit. And I know you've been deeply involved in that community for now, what, is it three? How long have they... Almost a year, yeah. It's gone by fast. It's really gone fast. All right, well, the video gave us a bit of a summary, but why don't you take us... Hit a couple of things that the video didn't touch on in terms of coming up to that day when you got the report. Things were... You'd been married a number of years, right? Married almost 10 years, well, 10 now. Yeah. 2009 was our 10th anniversary. Right. So it was just prior to our 10th anniversary. Had you been trying to be pregnant prior to that? No, and we'd had a lot of prodding from a lot of people. Grandparents. Grandparents and everyone else, but had not, and then finally decided, okay, I guess around Christmastime we'll give it a shot. Trying not to try is what I said to everyone. Well, that didn't work. Yeah. Okay. A month later... Here you go. Well, we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and things happen. That was God's perfect timing for you guys. Was there any indication along the way, any signs of anything being irregular? Perfectly fine. It was actually a great start to a pregnancy, other than just being tired, and that's pretty normal. That was typical, yeah. And that's typical with work hours anyways. But no, everything had been going along beautifully. We actually had had a nine-week ultrasound, and forgive me if I cry a little bit as we tell our story tonight, but we had seen that beautiful dancing little peanut on that nine-week ultrasound, and just, it was amazing, and we were so excited, and everything was going along just fine, and we had another ultrasound then scheduled, at 13 weeks. I think I take it offensively, I think because they said of advanced age, that I would get them more often. I said, I'm only 36, but the advanced age ultrasound, and that day that we were scheduled, I raced out of work, had worked in the morning, raced out of work to go run over to get the ultrasound done. He was coming in to meet me, and it was just an absolutely wonderful morning. And see, I think... And then we got in there. I think it's important maybe to establish, right out of the gate, that the whole rest of this story is so magnetic to our hearts, because it reminds us, at least it reminded me, as we've said many times from this platform, life has no guarantees, and we do tend to, don't we, get up every morning, and just think it's going to be another great day. In fact, we're in this series, here at North Way right now, called Fearless, which is specifically about facing those things which bring fear into our lives. And this particular weekend is about fear of losing control in your family. And in a very completely unforeseen way, even before the family was fully there, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, came this report. Right, right. A little more detail in terms of the moment that the doctor told you this wasn't just something that might go away. It was surreal. I had... My plan was to go into work that morning, and so I was in my uniform, and she was in work clothes, and it was just kind of a, hey, we get to take another look at Bennett, who we actually hadn't decided on a name yet at that point. Didn't even know if it was a Bennett. Yeah, true, true. But going in just seemed like something to do in the regular course of pregnancy. But the ultrasound tech, when she finally got the thing fired up, she seemed a little bit quieter than we had experienced the previous time. It wasn't oohing and aahing, oh, he's so cute, or anything like that. We kind of got a sense that something was off. Yes. And was confirmed pretty quickly when she said, I'm seeing something that concerns me, and I need to go get the doctor, and I'd like him to come and take a look and just kind of confirm what I'm seeing. And we just kind of stopped and looked at each other. Obviously, she there on the table. And he came back in, and it didn't take long. It didn't take long at all. And he was very frank, not blunt, but he was frank, and he said, what we see here is not good. Your child's head is filled with fluid. And he pointed out in the picture that this area of his head that was supposed to look one way did not, and all of it was fluid. I mean, basically his entire head was filled with fluid. And he said, that's not good. And so immediately our, well, does that go away? Can he recover from that? What does this mean? Yes, what does it mean? And he said, it's just, that's not a good sign. He's not going to do well. Just right now, there are scores, maybe hundreds of people, who have been in that moment when the doctor has come in, said something's not right. And when it can be any range of things, from, well, this might pass, to something like this that very likely isn't going to go away or change on its own, that's when all of a sudden we discover the gravity of life, isn't it? And what our faith is made of. And we'll talk a little bit about that as we go along here. But I just want you to know that there are lots of people watching and listening that relate to that moment when they hear those words. So, as you walked out the door at that point, everything changed. We actually, I think, just stayed there for a moment. We prayed, though. When she walked out. We stopped, yeah, because as soon as she walked out, I said, can we please pray? Because we knew there was something bad. And then when the doctor came in and confirmed it, we just didn't know what to do. It felt like the wind had gotten sucked out of us. Didn't know what to do at that moment and just kind of wanted to, quite frankly, get out of the hospital quietly, not have to see anybody and act cheerful after this devastating news. Just wanted to hide and get to our cars. We had both driven separately. Those are the little things. But, you know, do we go home in one car now? Where do we go? Do we go home? And we were supposed to go to my doctor's office later on that afternoon so we could start to talk and for the OBGYN to get the report and figure out what do you do? What does this mean? And start to look at it. But at that point, you had said, let me see if Mike, Mike Arnold, who was our pastor at the time at the Oakland Branch Campus, is there. And I said, yeah, let's do that because I don't just want to go home right now. I can't. And we drove over. It was raining and knocked on that door and didn't know if they'd hear us and if he'd even be there. And he came to the door and pretty much, I think, saw our faces were white and just crying. It's awesome. And I just pause and say that naturally, the first thing that you wanted was support and you turned to your church family for that. And it's not to say that your natural families and all were a great support, but in that immediate moment, you had a place to go. And friends, I have to say, one of the reasons we talk about membership and belonging to a church family somewhere is for moments like that because if you didn't really belong, then where would you go? So you had a chance to have Mike pray with you and minister some and share with him. What did the doctor tell you when you finally did end up sitting with her? Well, we went in that afternoon and to be blunt, on down the line, pretty much every doctor we talked to that day and later on said to terminate the pregnancy. There wasn't much hope that either I would miscarry, number one, that he wouldn't make it and would be stillborn at some point or to end the pregnancy now. And that was repeated over the course of the next few days because we were now starting to get into not just our doctor but calling specialists, finding out what is this, what does this mean, is it dangerous for me, is it, what does this mean? Did you find yourself at that point wondering if God had abandoned you or were you really finding a sense that God was with you even though you didn't understand what was going on at that point? Not abandoned. No. But wondering. Yeah. And not really why, I don't want to say that, but just what in the world is going on? Right. What in the world? And just absolutely devastated, crushed, and not knowing, and also, and I'm sure with every mom or mom to be out there, you have a tiny life in you. What do you do? What does this mean? Okay. And I think, see, that's so important that everyone understands that, again, it's a natural thing when it's out of our control and to say, God, why? Why is this happening? Even as we share this, the questions being asked about Haiti and tens of thousands of people there that are suffering and so forth. So I guess, I'm piecing this together, so you're just hearing person after person saying, you know, there's no point in going, and really, you didn't get any indication that you were in danger, it was just that there wasn't really any hope for the baby. Is that correct? Right. Only one doctor had said, pregnancy isn't always so easy either, and for your safety, there wasn't an immediate danger, but that, you know, you may not want to risk that. Okay. So, and weighing all those things was just overwhelming in the midst of the news. So, then there came a moment, as you shared in one of our exchanges, that, this was difficult, what are we going to do? And, when everybody's telling you that, it's probably best. And I can't imagine the emotion, I'm not sure any of us can fully relate, to end this pregnancy and allow yourself to heal and so forth. You came to a moment, and you said it was real important that you shared that moment, and talk to everyone about the moment where you said, you know, the wrestling match that you had with yourselves and with the Lord about, okay, maybe that's what we should do. Yeah. That was, I mean, it was the culmination of all the inputs from the professionals, the doctors, but then also seeking out the advice of close friends and family, and most particularly, believers who we knew would, would give us the advice that we needed at that point. The people that were thinking clearly, because we certainly were not necessarily. But we wrestled. We did. And didn't know, in the beginning, I think what was the hardest was, and sitting here now, you know, being in the news and being in the spotlight, you know, and looking before me, and this is, you could say, I very much wavered of, how can I go through a pregnancy if we continue on? How can I go through a pregnancy and carry this child? And I guess it's me being selfish too, but that's beside it. And yet have people constantly coming up and saying, you're pregnant, you're pregnant, and this is almost something unheard of. What do you say? I am pregnant, you know, but we have a terminal diagnosis. And how can I do that? And I didn't think I could do that at that time. I didn't. And putting a name to it, certainly, because they said, okay, he has this condition, holoprosencephaly, and of course, you know, it's in your nature to want to know more about it. So she goes and, you know, Googles this. Every day. And the descriptions of the potential, especially the severity that they described him as having, you know, on a scale of one to ten, it's a ten, without a doubt. They said, you know, cyclopsy, no nose, and it's not about the appearance of your baby, but you don't want this child to suffer when he's born. Right. And so you're forced to think about the life of this child once he is born. And is that... So in some ways, you're thinking it was maybe merciful. Oh, it was everything rolled into one. The thought of having a child that was going to suffer outside of my womb made me absolutely just... Suffer then die. Yeah. And at the same time, you really wanted clarity. So you cried out to God. And I'm rolling now a couple of weeks into a couple of moments. But share what it was that you prayed. What did you say to the Lord about that? We took a few weeks, as you said, and I actually went back to work and worked during the time, and it was the hardest few weeks of our lives. And you were at work too, and we would just have breakdown moments, just wrestling what to do and just sobbing and pleading at that point of what to do. And at one point, we came to the conclusion that we had set the date and we were going to end the pregnancy. We were going to terminate it. And I know that may be hard for a lot of people to hear. On either side, it was not an easy decision to come to, and we had prayed about it over and over, but we just didn't want to see him suffer for one moment. But it was hard. I mean, because, you know, growing up as a Christian, my mom volunteered for a crisis pregnancy center and things. She went to anti-abortion rallies. So, I mean, this was something that was in, you know, every father. How could I be posed with this situation now? Prior to this, it was black and white. Then all of a sudden, it became gray. Very gray. Well, you know, that's a really important point, and I'm glad you framed it that way because we all tend to see things as black and white. They're not. Most of life, when you're really honest, comes into the gray shadows where only God really is sovereign. Yeah. So, you prayed the prayer, Lord, show us what you want to do. Right. We're going to move ahead. It seems like this is the most merciful thing, given the circumstance, even though it's a struggle. Yeah. You said, show us, and if you don't show us otherwise, we're moving ahead. But then what happened? Well, it led up to the day, and I'd been praying for a miscarriage, too, which sounds awful to say, but all that time and leading up to it, and it was the Thursday afternoon or Wednesday afternoon, excuse me, before Mother's Day, which was a hard time, and we had been praying, praying, praying, 24 hours to go until we were set to go in, and I was set to go in. I'd taken off work a Thursday and Friday, and I was weed-whacking. Throw that into the mix, but it's a moment I'll never forget. I was outside in the yard doing some yard work, and the phone rang, and he brought it out and said, it's somebody from the insurance company calling, and they wanted to talk to me because of HIPAA and whatnot, and got on the phone, and she said, we will not approve the procedure unless the life of the mother is at risk. And I just, I kind of stopped at that moment because it had been the absolute epitome of joy and then the absolute depths of just sheer grief with him and the rollercoaster ride, and here we are 24 hours to go, and are you kidding me? At that moment, and I kind of handed the phone back to him, and I said, you know what? I'm going to continue weed-whacking. When I'm done, I'll come inside. I just need to digest it. I don't know what else to do at this point. And then... But then you realized... We realized. Wait, it wasn't about insurance companies. It had nothing to do with that. It was what? That was the lightning bolt moment. That was God. That we had been praying for. Just give us a clear-cut sign of what are we supposed to do here, and what did he ever... Could we have done other things? Absolutely, but that was a clear cut. We wanted the proverbial one door to open when the other door closes, and I said, there is no clearer sign than what we have just been given. That's awesome. So at that moment, then you pushed the throttle forward and said, it's the Lord's will that we go forward and trust him all the way. Absolutely. And it was scary at that moment. It was scary. We called our specialist, and he said, can you come in for another ultrasound tomorrow morning, and we'll still see if there's anything changing or whatever. And that was the calmest ultrasound that next morning. Granted, we were up all night, and it was not a lot of sleep going on that night. But that next morning, we drove to our specialist's office and laid on that table and just kind of looked at what we were seeing at that point, 15, 16 weeks, with brand new clarity and eyes. He was really starting to take shape, and you could see him in there and didn't know how we were going to do it, didn't know how I was going to address it publicly. People at work, we had just started telling them before this all happened, but just knew, okay, here we go, and we'll do it. At that point, then, were you starting to connect with your support network and your family, and how did that start to take shape? Now that you knew you were going to go through it, what did you do to find support? I mean, even before that, we'd had support during those two weeks with wrestling with everything because between church, family, friends, our family is amazing. But then we started to kind of get the word out, as far as I can remember, just letting everybody know that we're going to continue forward. We don't know how we're going to do it. It may not always be pretty. We may have really low times, but we're going to do it. Let me ask you. People often say, I can feel people praying. Did you say that was true? You felt the support of people? Yeah. I will say no, I didn't, because it was already there. Okay. Because there is no way that we could have done it without the people praying. Okay. I know that for a fact. But it was so overwhelming that even to get to that point, you're saying you couldn't have done it on your own. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So the next, how many weeks was it until you knew that the baby, and it had to be a C-section, correct? Yeah. We didn't know it was going to be at that point, but as time went on, we knew that. He continued to grow. Right. All those ultrasounds, we would see him get bigger and bigger. And that was the beauty of it, that we just took joy in the pregnancy. And it was kind of neat, because of his condition, we actually got to go in much more frequently than any other person would. So every three weeks, we'd get to go take a look at him and what he's doing. And he was kicking around and doing all the things. Oh, yeah. Ten fingers, ten toes. And those were the monumental moments. We'd go in, and I'd ask, do you see a nose? And those are hard things, but can we see the nose? Can we see two eyes? Does he have fingers? Does he have toes? Does he, you know, his heart? And then when we saw it, we had four chambers to it. His mouth. Yep. You know, because of all the things that Was it big? could have gone wrong. No. I'm just kidding. We're supposed to talk to babies a lot. Oh. So he's been getting it from day one. Okay. So everything was shaping up beautifully, but nothing really changed in terms of the prognosis. No. No. All right, so take us up to the day when the doctor said, it's probably time that you deliver. We were getting close, and I was actually measuring 42 weeks at the day of delivery at 35 weeks. Wow. His head had been so enlarged from the fluid, and we were right down to the end, really spacing it out. We were trying to push it as long as we could go for his lung development to give him the best chance to survive if he was going to be able to breathe on his own. We had been told, because of his brain and his brain stem, he would not be able to breathe on his own, period. There just wasn't enough development there. So we had done everything we could. We wanted his lungs to be mature if they could possibly make it to 36 weeks, but as we got closer to the time, his head was so enlarged that 35 weeks looked like the date that we were going to have to do. So it was a hard time because to actually make a date for a C-section and to know that that would be the day we'd say goodbye. At least that's what you thought. Right. And that was hard. We dreaded that day. We dreaded. We looked forward to it, but we dreaded making that. I wanted to just deliver naturally if I could and take that out of my hands, but that wasn't going to be an option. He was already a tank. He was always a big baby, as you can see now. But even coming up at 35 weeks and his head measuring 42 weeks and myself measuring 42 weeks, we pushed it as long as we could. Okay. So I remember the day that the word went out that it's set and we're going in, and almost like everybody was waiting to hear. Everybody wanted to know what happened. I think it's emotional for all of us. I remember the first picture I saw, I think, was the one of Jason. We had that photograph of Jason holding up the baby and realizing that when he came out of the womb, he was beautiful. That's the one there. What do you think? That's a pretty neat picture, isn't it, everybody? Yeah. Yes, it is. He liked it, yeah. He said, come on. He said, give me a couple of props, please. I had my best baby face on that morning. Tell us what you were thinking at that moment, Jason. I could not believe that I was holding my child and that my child was alive. As they were performing the operation, we were behind the little sheet that they have up, and they had kind of prepped us. So we knew the script of what was going to happen. We said, if it goes this way, this is what's going to happen. If it goes that way, this is what's going to happen. We laid on, or she was laying, I was sitting there with her and just prayed, prayed continuously throughout the entire procedure. And they said, well, here we go. And there was a peace in that room, though. There was. There was a peace that morning, waking up to drive into that hospital. I can't describe it. I mean, God was in that car with us, driving into the hospital that morning because we were so calm. And we were running late. And we were running late. We ran late. We did. It's not going to start without us. You need us there. And I even called the station and thanked Scott Stiller and the guys on the morning show because they had given us dinner the night before. And Demetrius asked what the weather was doing at Mercy Hospital if it was raining. And just moments like that. But those were the little things that made us laugh, and it was calm and peaceful. And we were going in to meet our son, period. You know, as hard as what may follow. We were at a point where we just wanted to meet him. And when they wheeled into that OR, they were jamming, actually. They had music going in there, and the ladies were all in there. My doctor was in there. And we said, this is a party. This is a celebration. This is going to be a birthday today. And then he came in, and they started. But, you know, we had been prepped. If his circumstances are critical, you're probably not going to see him. But otherwise, you might. And the next thing we knew, when she said, well, here he comes, there was a baby being held over the sheet like, boom, you know. And I could not believe. And that was kind of, that picture was the reaction A few seconds later. A few seconds later from that moment. And realizing, as they carried him over to clean him up, that we heard him cry. And they had told us, you know, if he's breathing on his own, that was the big question, whether or not he would breathe on his own. That was what was in doubt. And knowing that, that he was crying, meant that he was breathing on his own. And then, for then the NICU doctor, who had cleaned him up and examined him, to then bring him back over to us, was just completely unexpected. Yeah, let's show the picture with the baby and Kelly. Kelly's, I don't know how to describe your face in that one shot where you, I think you're first holding him like he's not real. No, no, it was, they, I mean, a few minutes had passed, and they, yeah, they took him back. They said, we're going to wheel him down the hall, get him to the NICU, just keep checking him out. And they had to finish up on me. And Jason, I said, you know, you go then to go to the family, because our families were all waiting outside, and they expected to see him on a ventilator. We had chosen we were going to do that, at least for a few hours, just to get to meet him and then say our goodbyes. So we had made all the decisions. But they came wheeling him down the hallway to the family members, and we heard later that they all went. And Dr. Greenberg lifted it up and said, hey, you've got 20 seconds to take some pictures. We've got to get him going over to Children's Hospital. And they all kind of stopped too and said, he's not on a ventilator. And by that, they took him to the NICU, and then were able to take me back in there. And that was the first time I really had a chance to hold him. And it was just unbelievable. Did those moments make everything worth it, just those moments? Whether or not he had survived that day, it was worth everything. And we can say that without a doubt. Meeting this little one and seeing him come out was the most precious gift. We've been given numerous gifts since then. Now, just to kind of bring us in for a landing here. So it's been how many months? What are we at? Three and a half. It's been a whirlwind. Yeah, three and a half months. And he's needed some attention. Sure. He's had some extra procedures and so on. But most of the time, he's at home with you and keeping you up? Yes. Keeping us up. And actually, long story short, oxygen temporary. That was a reaction to something. He's never needed oxygen in his life. It was a reaction to some stuff. So we're playing with the medication and hope to get him off the oxygen actually soon, too. It's barely even on. In fact, we joke that they're going to be after us as bad parents. Because half the time we go in and he rips the thing off. And we don't even know it. So he's doing great. He's on a multivitamin and a seizure medication. And that's it. And that's it. Have the physicians been able to give you any explanation as to how he is so remarkably different than what they expected? No. I think they quit trying a long time ago. Honestly. Five days after he was born was kind of the last time we got a prognosis. Ever since then, everybody's been a little bit more quiet. And that was tough, too. And I want to revisit the whole thing. But four brain surgeries is a lot to go through emotionally. But the people who showed up, and the people who didn't, but the people who prayed specifically, I would text. I would say, Bennett's going in for surgery in an hour. Please, prayer warriors, get on your knees, please, and pray for this little child. And God delivered him again and again and continued to amaze the doctors throughout. They thought, well, since he's so small and so weak, so frail, he'll need a ventilator when he comes out of the surgery. He didn't. Just things like that. Just truly amazing. So, like I said, they quit trying to prognosticate a long time ago. They just said, you know, he's writing his own book. We know there's probably more to it than that. But, you know, they said, we'll just wait and see what happens with him. Oftentimes, in the midst of something like this, those of us who want to be helpful don't know what to do. Tell us what was the most helpful support or expression of support in and through this so that going forward we can know how to do that. I'm laughing. I know what he's going to say. Well. Food. Yes. For my physical body, it was food. Thank you so much. But in truth, in truth, it was food.