Every Good Family III

Right now it's this one for two reasons. One it's something that I can't possibly do justice to in one little chunk of time. It probably should be a six or eight week series of messages to do justice to it. And the second one is more personal and that is I don't have this down real well yet. I mean some messages I come and preach and share with you like you know how to study the bible. If I don't have that down by now get me off of here you know bring somebody else. But this topic that we're going to look at today I'm still working on and probably will be until the Lord decides he's done with me and takes me home. We all do live by a set of rules more or less don't we. I mean when you think about it our lives are structured and there are certain things we're allowed to do and not allowed to do. I'm looking for the little thing I had in my hand here. We ate out at a restaurant the other evening and they instead of fortune cookies they gave us these little things. But anyhow mine it was so appropriate. Mine read have you ever noticed that if a person's driving slower than you they're morons and if they're driving faster they're idiots. A little deep isn't it. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to get too deep early on but I felt such conviction because I've used those exact words. I'm on my way over here I use those words. But the basis of the relationship that we're called to live is this and this is what makes it so challenging. God set a bar that none of us can sort of casually meet and the bar is this. Do unto others as I have done unto you. Do unto others as I have done unto you. And my relationship with God is characterized by mercy and acceptance and love and grace and forgiveness. And God says don't forget that when you get into relationships with others. That's how I want you to respond. To which we respond back to God. Lord you know I'm not exactly wired like you are and it's not that easy for me to do. And He says wait you forget that I gave you some kind of an empowerment so that you could do what I'm asking you to do. It's called the what? The Holy Spirit within you. So it is possible. That excuse goes off the table. He says you can do it. But it begins by understanding number one in your outline that you are the chosen ones. I want you to just take a look at this. You were chosen by God to receive life, mercy, grace, forgiveness. All of which came at the highest imaginable price. And that was the suffering and death of Jesus on the cross. Ever think you deserve that? Ever think you know I'm a pretty good guy. If I were God I would have sent my son to die for me. No none of us ever think that. That's so arrogant it doesn't even cross our minds. We know we don't deserve it. And one of the biggest struggles that I encounter with people that I converse with about even trusting Jesus is they say what about all the people you know the billions of people who don't believe it? What's going to happen to them? And I'm not sure I always have a satisfactory answer for them. But I just know I usually tell them well I'll leave that into the hands of God who I know will be just and righteous and loving. And all I care about is that I am responsible and you are responsible for what you hear and know of Him. And God says I'm going to treat you in a way you don't deserve to be treated. And you know that has laid for me a very secure foundation in my life. And by the way that can't be taken away from you. God doesn't say today I'm going to accept you and affirm you and love you and maybe tomorrow if you mess up that's off the table. Isn't that amazing? Think about it. Some of you today had a great day whatever already if it's early when you're participating in Oakland or in the cafe maybe you haven't had time to really have a real bonehead move. It's coming. Some of you already had it today. That's why you're 14 seats away from your spouse. We're just wired that way. But God says even though you do all kinds of things with me I don't conditionally offer you my acceptance and my redemption and my grace and my mercy. And He says so that's the way I want you to treat others. We're chosen by God. And by the way that's helped me and I don't know why as I was reflecting on this in preparation for the message I thought that's one of the reasons why over the entire course of my adult life I've been able to somehow and I don't mean this in any kind, please don't misunderstand, any kind of self-congratulatory way but I am very comfortable relating to people from every walk of life, every socioeconomic background, every educational background. I just because I see them as valuable, just as valuable in the eyes of God as I am. And I hope that maybe that's something you'll consider. Not based on performance or achievement but just simply based on the fact that God said so. Now look at John 15 on your outline and just look at it, would you? It begins by saying you did not choose me but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit. And we won't pull this verse apart right now but that should be reason enough for the whole rest of the holiday weekend to be a celebration if you belong to Christ. Now I understand some of you are participating today that you're not sure about the Bible or Christ. Maybe you're in that discovery mode and we're so glad you're here, you're in the right place. We have many opportunities for you to learn more. And by the way one of the indications that you're chosen is that God's tugging on your heart and nudging you and just lean into that and it'll begin to make sense to you. That's what I discovered over the years. That's what God wants you to see. You ever reflect on why are you here? Why do you have the opportunity to understand this gospel? Ever think about the millions upon millions upon millions of people in China that don't even understand what the gospel is? I have friends that go into Tibet and we have missionaries all throughout China and and Indonesia and Africa and every place else where people don't even understand that Jesus came. Do you ever get a minute and just say, Lord why did you choose me? That's a greater mystery to me than all those other people because I shouldn't do anything to make myself worthwhile. Focusing on that will give you a little bit more octane to be able to do the second thing that we're called to do when it comes to life's lessons. And by the way this is the final chapter in this little series, three-part series on every good family. And I want to point out, probably should have done this at the beginning, that this is primarily about getting along in families. And the next few minutes are going to be the squishy moments because I'm going to probably hit a couple of chords that are going to make you wonder why you didn't choose to go to see a movie at five o'clock and you ended up or if you happen to be in the morning why you ain't got up at all. But you see every good family, and we've already established we're not trying to be great or perfect or you know the ultimate family, but every good family learns to do this next thing and that is that they learn to forgive one another. Jump down on your outline to the second verse. Let's just focus on that one for for today. It says, and this is written by the Apostle Paul, just a little background as you're training in on this. If you have your Bible you can look at it in Ephesians 4, 31 and 32. Remember now Paul's writing this not from Palm Springs but from the prison, okay, where by the way he landed because some of his friends and people that he trusted sort of betrayed him. People that he'd had great meetings with and lots of exciting sort of revival type stuff happened and yet Paul found himself betrayed and let go and given up to the authorities and all the rest of it. Now he's in prison and some say he's in this sort of modified house arrest where, how about this, how would you like to have a guard chained to you 24 hours a day and they rotate the guard every four hours and you know every time you move your hand they've got to move their hand and Paul's saying, give me some slack here, I'm trying to write. That's his life. He's writing from a prison and here's what he writes. He says, get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander along with every form of malice. Now I read that and that's that's a pretty direct commandment, right? Get rid of it. Okay so let's just pray right now and get rid of it. How many would like to be able to do that? Doesn't seem to work, does it? How many know Paul would not pass counseling 101? I mean, you tell a person with an anger problem, get rid of it. Boy, that's $59.75 for about a half hour. Get rid of it? No, it's not going to work. It takes a lot more therapy. Paul said, get rid of it. Well, maybe Paul didn't understand just how profound your story is. You know, your issues are really deep issues. You're angry for a reason. Somebody hurt you. Somebody wronged you. Somebody neglected you. They ignored you. Maybe they walked out on you. Maybe they slandered you to your kids. Maybe they made you an embarrassment to the rest of your friends and family. I mean, there's so many horrific stories. Friends, if I just turn the microphone over and we could be totally honest, there's a whole lot of wounded people here today. That's the nature of life. And Paul says, get rid of it. Get rid of it. But Paul didn't know my story. If he heard my story, he'd be a little more compassionate than that. Get rid of it. No, Paul says, put it in the light. Get it out. You know, even those imaginary conversations you have with that person you would like to tell off, you know, that boss or that co-worker or whatever, that person that you share things about just so you can like pray for them, get rid of it. To which we say in our hearts, don't we, in our heart of hearts, I don't know how. And even if I could, by the way, I'm not sure I want to. I kind of like to sort of nurse this anger just a bit. I kind of like to hold on just a bit to the debt that they owe me for what they did. Oh, just listen to my story. You know, I have to be honest with you. When I listen to some of the stories that some people come in and share with me, I can see why they're really, really, really angry. They've been hurt so profoundly. I just don't understand how some people can do some things that they do. So Paul writes this letter to the Corinthians, I'm sorry, to the church at Ephesus and they got distributed all around and it lands up now as God's word to us here at North Way 2,000 years later. And he says, get rid of all the malice and all the bitterness and all the disappointment. Just get rid of it. And by the way, we need to take it seriously because Paul was the apostle who wrote a third of the New Testament. And there's two reasons I put it down that make this all the more substantive to me. Number one, he's writing it in prison and he's saying it in such a way that he's living out what he's saying. In other words, he's already gotten, he's offloaded his own bitterness and all the stuff that he could have. He says, get rid of all this. He could have said, just like I have. Does it ever impress you when you encounter somebody who's gotten through a real significant hardship and they've turned out not bitter, you know, and they're really like, actually, they're stronger? Do those kind of people get your attention? They do me. When I see somebody that's been through some kind of suffering and they come out strong, that just adds a layer of authority to what they say. So that's one reason why we really need to pay attention. The second one is that I was captured by the fact that Paul believes you really can get rid of it. Because so many people, and I have to say this is a staggering thing because I'm old enough now to have met a lot of people, lived their entire lives with a lot of this stuff woven in, and it just keeps seeping out through the cracks. And they can't make relationships. They can't succeed in their businesses and their different encounters with other relations. They're just sort of isolated, lonely people. And now you meet somebody that really believes it doesn't have to be repressed. It doesn't have to be massaged. It doesn't have to be covered up. It doesn't have to be ignored. You can get over it. You can get rid of it. And so I just suggest to you that the risk is worth the reward, wouldn't you? If it's possible. And so what does he say? How do we do it? Well, he says, Be kind and compassionate to one another. Oh, that's easy, right? Be real kind, compassionate. Kindness and compassion. The word, by the way, for compassion, in the Greek means to come out of your bowels. I mean, like maybe a less graphic term would be get the intestinal fortitude that you need to buck up and do this. All right. This isn't for the faint of heart. That's what the word really, literally means. And so here's what Paul says. Here's how we do it. By forgiving each other. If you have your outline, why don't you just underline those three words. Forgiving each other. Loved ones, let me just say this. Forgiveness is a decision. If you're not going to write down anything else, write that down, please, at the very bottom of your page. Forgiveness is a decision. Now say it with me. Forgiveness is a decision. Oh, that was so powerful. How about one more time? Forgiveness is a decision. Oakland and the Cafe, forgiveness is a decision. I couldn't hear them, but I'm sure they said it. Forgiveness is a decision. It is not a mysterious thing that comes over you that God unleashed. No, it's a decision of your will. And that Greek word, there's two words for forgiving or forgiveness in the New Testament. This is the one that has to do with a continual flow of forgiveness. So that if somebody does something to you one day, you forgive them for it. The next day they do something else, you forgive that. The next day they do this, you forgive that. And it's like the tougher kind. It's like, it's not one incident that happened 20 years ago, forgive that. No, it's an every day, all the time, constantly keeping the slate clean forgiveness. Now, how many of you have a household just like that? I mean, it's like just the rolling sort of smooth time that every time someone yells or raises their voice or dumps this or forgets that, you just forgive them and life goes right on. How many of you have a house like that? I didn't see any hands at all, so I appreciate that was one of the most honest answers we've had a long time. It's tough. Not that way in my house either. It's tough. The definition of forgiveness is that this, forgiveness means to cancel a debt. I happen to have one well-worn $5 bill in my pocket. I didn't know, I was hoping I had something in there. Here it is. And you all understand what canceling a debt means, don't you? Let's see if I have a $1 bill. Yeah, that's better. Canceling a debt. Canceling a debt means I make a decision that something that you took from me, see, forgiveness means something was taken from me that was rightfully mine and you took it and now I don't have it anymore. And it could be something, and I know I don't want to hurt feelings right at this moment, but it could be something as profound as the dreams of a wonderful marriage together or the possibilities of a career path that would have led you somewhere. It could be something like the rights to see your kids. It could be something like getting along with the people you were. I don't know, but they took something from you that was rightfully yours. It could have been a financial thing where you were owed money and they just didn't pay. They took something from you. Forgiveness means not, well, okay, don't worry about it. It means, you know, put it in a box and say, canceled. You don't owe me anymore. Okay? Debt paid. Kind of glad that wasn't the five, but I hope that you understand the depths of this. Because you see, in life, what I'm suggesting right now is not an easy thing to do. And I don't expect you to just jump up out of your seat and say, yeah, no problem. It's a very, very challenging thing to do, almost in inverse proportion to the degree of hurt that you've experienced as a result of it. But forgiveness comes when you decide in specific terms to say whatever it was that was lost or whatever happened to your family or whatever's happening, maybe it's just, it could be something as simple as maybe just respect. You know, there's some parents right now who feel very disrespected by your kids. And there's some kids who feel very ignored by their parents. It could be things like that. But God says through Paul, cancel the debt. Forgive them. That's the way to freedom. That's the way to get rid of it. It's possible to get rid of it. Now, here's the wall that we got to cross. Jay, they do owe me that, though. I mean, they did take it from me, and they really do owe it back to me, and it's on them. And to that, I really can't argue. It's real. These hurts are real hurts. But this is where the mystery of God's grace comes in, friends, because if we do what I'm about to suggest, we find that God begins to fill those very tender, sore, sometimes deeply wounded parts with His precious presence and grace and brings about a change that lasts for the rest of your life. We struggle, don't we, with the thought that it's just not fair to cancel a debt. It's just not right. They should pay a price. And that's the way we operate. But then I need to remind you of something. Listen to it. Only forgiven people can truly find the grace to forgive others. Do you hear that? Only forgiven people can truly find the grace to forgive others. And I want to take you back to just what the text says, because the next two words are the secret to getting there. Forgiving each other, what does it say? Just as in Christ, God forgave you. The only reason I could even stand up here without you getting upset and walking out on me right now is because you've received forgiveness that you didn't deserve. And Paul writes and says, just as you received it and didn't deserve it and you were guilty and you did it and you did stuff you could never pay God back for and you know it. God says, just as that happened, now it's your turn to offer that same forgiveness to the person that violated you. Now, you know, for some of you who've had really sort of nice, even lives, this is a, you're thinking, hey man, you're, you know, great. I hope someone's grabbing on to this. For some of you right now, this is an impossible thing just about in your mind. But I want to encourage you, it's not impossible. In fact, if you'll lean into this, there is definitely, in my experience, a power that comes from God that can change you from within, that sets you free. Because who is really in bondage when it comes to unforgiveness? Is it the person that violated? No, it's you, love. And the way to freedom is forgiveness. The way for you to get unfettered from all this is to learn that you've got to be the one that steps up and cancels the debt. You say, well, Jay, my story, yeah, I mean, that's easy, you know, you've had this sort of, you know, patterned life and everything. No, no, no. I'm sure there are stories that are just heartbreaking out there, but it doesn't matter because God knows your story and He cares about it. His only Son came. And how did He forgive? He forgave finally, fully, and freely. And I won't take the time to pull that apart, but that's the way we need to forgive. It's over. I'm not going back to it. It's been canceled in full. Everything's paid and it's unconditional. It's free. And loved ones, the only way you can do that is to shift your focus away from the person and what they did and how it happened and how long it's been going on and put your focus on what Jesus did for you. That's the only way. Now, let me give you three little specifics for this. If you're in a family situation that you can enact, here's three real quick specific things. Number one, you've got to identify them and be honest. And this could take you a couple of weeks to do. I've had people tell me when I've suggested this that they took some three by five cards and as they were, you know, driving to work or thinking about, you know, it would come to their mind and they got a place to stop, they would write it down or if they were, you know, it just, you have to know this stuff gets pushed way down. Allow some time for it to come out. Put it on a little card and be real specific. Number two, see, if you've been hurt, you haven't been hurt in general, you've been hurt in specific. Forgiveness is like, oh, okay, I forgive you. Big deal. How many of you know that's not true? Right now, some of you know exactly the offense that's really got you just knotted up. You've got to be real specific about that. What was taken from you that you can't get back? What was so important that you'll never be able to do? How were you deceived in such a way? What was lost that you'll never find? The dreams, the ideas, the possibilities. And then number three, the third thing is to cancel the debt. And here's some other suggestions. People said it's very, very helpful to them. Take those cards or whatever you put down, put them into an envelope, something tangible, and then just put a cross on it or write canceled over it. You know, every once in a while in our services, we'll have crosses up and we'll let people come up and nail things up there. Some people will do this and they'll go out and they'll bury it in the dirt. Some will go out and burn it. You've got to do something demonstrable so that every time your mind then wants to go back and nurse that thing again, you say, wait, no, I've already paid that debt. And if the person even comes back to you a year, five, ten years later and says, you know what, I realized what an idiot I was. You say, you know, no need. I canceled the debt. It's taken care of. And so I want to urge you just to think about that. Every family probably has at least a couple of these that they might want to talk about and work out. By the way, it might not be your immediate family. It might be, you know, some of you right now are trying real hard not to think of a sibling or a member of the extended family you don't ever want to see. There's a lot of this in our lives, friends. Here's the final thing, and it'll be relatively brief. It's the challenge. And what I've described so far is sort of the easy part. Not really. That's the hard part. It's personal. This next piece is difficult, though, because this is the piece that you don't really have control over. Because, see, we're part of a bigger family, and we use that term here at North Way frequently, the family of God. And we often say to people, you know, if you don't have a nuclear family nearby, let us be your family. And we use that kind of language. And I love it, and I think it's appropriate. But issues in churches always involve people. Do you ever notice that? Churches don't ever have big hassles about, well, they do, okay. I don't like the red carpet, or I don't like the, you know, the black walls, or whatever it is, wherever you might be participating. But that's not really what blows churches up. It's relationship. It's relational issues that cause churches to blow up. And it's people who just don't know how to enter into this forgiveness thing. People who get hurt by someone. People who find themselves misunderstanding and say, you know what, this isn't right, and I don't believe it's right, and so on. And, you know, they try a couple things to work it out, and it doesn't get worked out. And so then you just get mad, and they forget what Paul says, and they just blow past that, and they just go trotting off somewhere else. And do you know when you leave a place mad, guess how you enter the next place? Happy. Oh, good, I'm going to a new place. No. You take that load of garbage in with you. It won't be long before somebody else will disappoint you. It'll happen again. And see, if you take this high enough, and a high enough level of responsibility, and some of the leadership in the church, and I'm talking about the church, you know, across the nation, around the world, has done some pretty horrendous things, you know. All of us know some of the stories. And man, isn't it something, I mean, when a Christian leader falls, what big news it is, and how, like, everyone jumps on them. They're hypocrites. No, they're just people who probably were doing their best, and then just messed up. But those kinds of mistakes call for forgiveness and restoration. And I want you to see the verse that I put on your outline, Galatians 6, 1. Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual, now that's all of you. How come you're not laughing at any of that? That was, okay. You are spiritual, but I mean, he's talking about, I mean, really spiritual. Should restore him gently. Can I just let us look at that another way? Here's how the message, paraphrase, puts that. And I just found this this morning. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. Oh, yeah, we'll forgive them, but boy, are we going to do a number on them in our little prayer groups, you know, in our little conversations? And we're going to just let them, you know, I'll forgive them, but man, I just don't know how. I just, you know, it's just so wrong, and off we go. We don't hear what Paul says here. And I don't think they do it maliciously. I just think it's part of the nature of all of us to struggle with it. Some of you are going to need to forgive me after this message, but I'm okay with that. I'm not doing this as something to throw in your face. I'm doing it because I believe it's so important for every family to live this way. We have a decision to make as I kind of wrap things up here now as a church. And we've talked about being chosen by the Lord undeservedly, being free. We've talked about learning how to forgive in our families, but let's just think about how do we want to be known as a church? What kind of culture do we want to have as a church when people mess up? And friends, that's, come on, let's be honest. There's well over three or four thousand people who are part of our church life. I'm one of the imperfect ones. You might be one of the perfect ones, but all of us are going to mess up, and some in more, you know, obvious ways than others. And we need to just be. It's just going to happen. What kind of culture do we want to have here? We want righteousness. We want, you know, the hand of God to come down. Or do we want to know that God maybe reaches out in a way that we don't understand and restores in a way that we never could? Some of you might remember this story just, well, maybe a couple years ago of a pastor named Ted Haggard from out in Colorado Springs. It's really interesting for me. He's, as you'll see in this little piece we're going to show you now, he was a very, very influential pastor. Here in this service today, Roy Thompson's sitting with me. He and I met Ted Haggard in his church 16 years ago. He showed us around, and we were designing this building. And Ted met us in a snowstorm and walked us around his church. But Ted Haggard was a sinner. Boy, when he collapsed and blew it, it was just big news. It was national news. And I want you to spend a few minutes with me watching this video that really it was very difficult to take a 50-minute documentary or so and reduce it down to just about six or seven minutes. But just as we close the service, please, I ask you to just, you know, pinch yourself, but lean in and listen to the words that are being said by different ones, by, you know, the court, by Ted, by his wife, by the people that were affected. Listen to the words and then decide what kind of church do we want to be? Let's watch this video together. You're a very intelligent man. Oh, thank you. They fear you. Yes, they don't want you in the government. I'll be talking to the White House in another three and a half hours. They reach out to you. Yes. First Motley Crue, then Neil Diamond, and now you. Yeah, well. Stadium rock style. Well, with Neil's raindrops keep falling on my head, it's just, it's, it's raindrops a blessing for me. I'm living a pretty good life. One of this nation's most prominent evangelical pastors is making stunning new admissions about his private life. Reverend Ted Haggard said in an interview today that he bought crystal meth from Mike Jones, the male prostitute who says Haggard paid him for sex. I called him to buy some meth, but I threw it away. And did you ever have sex with him? I went there for a massage. Now in the news, an admission of guilt, a plea for forgiveness. Former evangelical leader Ted Haggard has confessed that he's had a lifelong sexual problem. That confession from a statement read during morning services at the church Haggard. Now I'd like to read you a letter from pastor Ted, my dear new life church family. I am so sorry. I'm sorry for the disappointment, the betrayal and the hurt. The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality and I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life. As a result, I did things that were contrary to everything I believe. Please forgive me. I am a sinner. I have fallen. I desperately need to be forgiven and healed. Sign Ted Haggard. So we've instructed him he can't do any public interviews. He can't have any public media. He just needs to disappear. It seems folks here wish Teddy Haggard well and more importantly, they just wish him gone. So we're calling this stage in our life, our exile. We've been exiled permanently from the state of Colorado and instructed to take me and my wife and our children outside of the state of Colorado permanently to put down roots someplace else. And how does it feel to be in exile? We're miserable. I was not aware of the depth of a struggle that was going on internally in him. I stuck with him because I, I love him. I believe he's worth it because he's a human being. And I just don't believe in writing people off because they have mistakes. I believe you fight for the good to restore honor to our children. The best thing I could do is help restore honor to their father. What's been the worst financially for you since new life? What's been the worst financial? Well, not just spiraling down. So how many door hangers have you hung? Hundreds, maybe thousands. And how many calls have you gotten? Not one. Churches are not just spiritual bodies. They are corporations, they're businesses. And you were bad for business. Well, I think if they would have been chess players instead of checkers players, they would have realized that I am their business. Somebody struggling with sin is the purpose that the church is on earth. The church is on earth here to help people with their sin problem. It's been a year and you're still living with this every day. Oh yeah. And it's because, see, the reason I kept my personal struggle a secret is because I feared that my friends would reject me and abandon me and kick me out and that the church would exile me and excommunicate me. And that happened and more. Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters. The floods engulf me. I am worn out, calling for help. My throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head. Many are my enemies, those who seek to destroy me. You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed. I looked for sympathy, but there was none. For comforters, but I found none. Come quickly, O my God, to help me. Let's pray. Lord, these are issues that test the metal of what we're all about. But I thank you for your word today. I thank you that it's possible, according to Paul, to forgive, to be full of grace and mercy and understanding, because that's the way you treated us. Help us, Lord. Help us at home. Help us at work. Help us at school. Help us here in our church to be a forgiving people, so that we can walk in the freedom which Christ set us free, at the cross of forgiveness in Jesus' name. Please just meditate on this song that Adam and the team prepared as a contrast to what you just saw. Your ways are higher than mystery. Your word is