Every Good Family I

Well, happy Mother's Day. Hope you related to part of that. I wonder if you know the origins of Mother's Day. How many think you do? If you're watching in the cafe or the Oakland campus, I wonder, has anyone ever explained to you where Mother's Day came from? Did you know it was an act of Congress? That doesn't mean much anymore. But it's still, yeah, it means it's still gonna happen the second Sunday of every May. And it was originally thought of by the daughter of a mom who helped returning wounded soldiers from the Civil War. And this daughter watched her mom give so much of herself to helping these soldiers and their families reunite and recover that she just thought something should be done to honor moms. And her name was Anna Marie Jarvis from West Virginia. And in 1908, I'm sorry, May 8th in 1914, rather, the Congress established Mother's Day. So moms, you've got an official day. Now, if we're at all successful today in our message, we're gonna help this to be something that happens more than just one day a year as it should be. Someone asked me, why did we entitle this new series Every Good Family? It's kind of like a very exciting title. And why isn't it Every Great Family or Every Awesome Family or, you know, Every Family That God Uses or something like that? And I said, you know, I don't wanna add pressure. Because we say every great family, it conjures up ideas like look at us, you know, we're super achievers, all A's, we get along all the time. No one ever quibbles. We support each other. We enjoy just hanging out on our free time. How many of you would like to do just one of those things in your family, you know? So I didn't wanna make like this a pressure thing. I just want us to look at some of the things that make for family dynamics that are good and healthy. And seeing a good family work together is quite a blessing. And let's face it, families, moms, dads, we don't always know what our kids are thinking and that much anyhow, do we? Any of you been surprised by what you've heard come out of your kids? I was talking to my daughter, Amy, about her son, Luke, who is a kindergartner. And Luke, in preparation for Mother's Day, was asked by the teachers, his kindergarten teachers, to say, well, okay, we want all the students to say, write down something good. That your mom is good at. And so the little kids are writing down, and here's what, I don't know if you can read this, but here's what Luke wrote on his card. My mom is good at, can you read it? It's jewelry parties. Now, he's phonetically sounding it out. Okay, he's a kindergartner. And what that is, is Amy does one of those things that a lot of stay-at-home moms do, which is a couple nights a month, she has little parties in people's homes and they have costume jewelry. And some do cosmetics or health food or whatever. But, well, for whatever reason, the teacher didn't think that was the right answer. I mean, I guess she wanted cooking or something like that. And, you know, cleaning house or something. She said, well, give it another shot, Luke. What's your mom good at? So here's the second one. My mom is good at shopping. Yeah, shop, mom. And notice, at Target. And then he put in a basket and he explained to me, well, yeah, there's a bracelet in there. There's a little purse. You see the purse in the middle? And there's little, there's a blouse. The poor little guy, he's getting dragged around to Target. Anyhow, we have a good family. And one thing good families understand early on is this, loved ones, and this is what I want to invite you to take out of your notes and just follow along with me. There's not a lot of scripture today, but there are important scriptures and there's very few notes to take, except the ones that maybe you might need to walk out of here and implement in your family. Good families understand the centrality of the fifth commandment. When God thought about parenting, he knew just how central this idea was that he made it one of the 10 commandments. And this is it. It's captured there in the top verse on your outline. Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. And it says, honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with the promise, because it says, now here's the promise, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. The first four commandments are commandments about obedience and honoring God and putting him first in life. This is the first one that has a promise with it. If you do this, you're going to receive something back in return. Are you saying, Jay, that if I do this, life's going to kind of go well with me and I might live a long time? Well, I can tell you Carol's mom was very respectful of her parents. And guys, would you put up the photo? Here's Carol's mom. Carol was with her mom this week. She's 98 years old this week. And there she is with Luke and Jack, the two great grandsons. At the rate Carol's going, the way Carol honors her mom, Carol's going to live to be 125 because she really honors her mom. Now, is this a magic formula? No. Is it a principle of scripture? It would mean nothing if I said it, but it's in God's word. And therefore, I would just submit to you that we should take special notice. There is something that God connects in the way our lives go. I just wanted to pause here. I didn't plan to say this, but maybe some of you are off course because somewhere along the line, you dissed your parents and you've not been honoring them at all. And the first step back to letting God honor you is for you to honor your parents, as it says in scripture. So what does it mean to honor your parents? What does it mean? And specifically, we're going to talk about moms, of course, but what does it mean? And first of all, it's about, well, it begins with understanding the idea that honor has to do with a person. Let's begin by dismantling, and that's the first blank in your outline. It has to do with a person. See, when we think of honoring, don't we normally think of achievements? You go to a retirement party to honor someone who's done 40 years in the police force, and so they're going to get their gold watch and whatever it is. Or you honor the one that's leaving the company that served faithfully, or you honor the teacher, or you honor the graduate who finished high school or college or whatever. Usually we associate honor with some sort of achievement, and that's all okay and appropriate. And someone does something and we deserve to bring a special attention to them. And special credit to that achievement. But listen, in scripture, listen, honor begins with knowing who God is. Honor begins not with what God did, but with who God is. And I'm going to be saying this multiple times today so that you don't leave here with anything else if you don't. Remember this, honor has to do with the fact that it's about the person. And just because they are. Revelation 4, it's not on your outline, but jot it down. Here's what it says about the Lord. This is what's going to happen when we stand before the Lord at the end of the day, at the end of the age. Here's what Revelation 4 says. You are worthy, O Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power. To receive what? Glory and honor and power. Why? For you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being. God is worthy to receive glory and honor and power. He's holy and transcendent and all-knowing. He's the one who is all-wise, just, true, loving, righteous, perfect. And he's the one who redeemed us. We're called to give honor as well, the Bible says, to others. And this is a little more of a challenge sometimes because how many know, I can give honor to a God who I believe is perfect and I trust is loving toward me, but you're not always that perfect. And sometimes you're not always that loving. How many find it a little harder to honor somebody else? You know, the guy that snuck into your parking spot or is sitting in your chair right now or whatever. But Romans chapter 12 and verse 10, I believe it is, says this, honor one another above yourselves. And so the idea of honoring is, first of all, rooted in the person of God and then goes into the specifics of other people. And I'm gonna talk just a little bit at the end about what would happen if the whole church really took this seriously. Because it is not something that we normally, in fact, if anything in our culture, we're seeing more and more dishonoring and less and less honoring. And I wanna just, you know, it might be a good time to just jump right into that. What does it mean to dishonor? Here's where, and I don't often talk about knowing the original languages because I don't want you to think because I understand Greek and or Hebrew a little bit that I'm some hot shot. I don't feel that way. But when you really pull this apart, here's what the ancient Greeks meant. The word for honor or dishonor has to do or is the same word that is used to describe a fog or mist. Anybody recently been caught in some fog or mist in one of the mornings we've had in the last few weeks when it's, you know, rained the night before and then gotten still and the next morning you wake up and how many of you know it's no big deal unless you're doing what? Yeah, you're trying to get around. I took someone to the airport last weekend where I was and there was less than a half mile visibility. They wouldn't take off without three quarters of a mile. They couldn't fly back home to Florida. They were stuck. Some of you have been on the freeway and you know it's a scary thing when you get, you can't even barely see in front of you. And you see, dishonoring means that what you basically, the message you send to people is you don't have any substance. You're just sort of like a vapor, a mist. You don't really matter. You can't really change anything. You don't count. That's what it means to dishonor. And the Greeks were very, very clear about that. And let me say to some of you who are listening today, one of the things that men have been very sharp at doing is, and I don't think necessarily willfully, sometimes unconsciously, but they oftentimes are so busy and caught up in life that they dishonor their children by sending a message that, you know what, I really love you, but I don't have time for you. And I want to say to our new parents, or parents that have just dedicated your children, the one thing you want to do right out of the gate, parents, is show honor to that little one. Let them know how valuable, priceless they are. I know it's easy when they're little and cuddly, but when they're that sort of feisty teenager, they still have to know that there's nothing more valuable in all the world to you than they are. See, there's some people sitting here today listening to me, and you are still searching to hear your father say, or maybe your mother even say, you matter. One of the things that we do around here is from time to time we get involved in counseling with people. And it's an amazing thing when we pull back layers and layers of walls that people put up, and we find out at the bottom of it all is this frenetic attempt to try to get mom or dad to give their approval. I just want to say, you see, when we dishonor, if we're aloof, if we're unavailable, if we're emotionally distant, if we don't even say it, when's the last time, dad, you said to your son or daughter, I love you, you matter? Moms are usually a little better at that, but our kids need to hear it from both of us. One of my most memorable failures, and it goes the other way, by the way, young people that are listening, my most memorable failures at this was when I came home from my freshman year in college on my first vacation. It's funny how certain dates stick out in your mind, I mean, for some of you, you don't have any recollection what you did your first, I went off to school far away, didn't come back at all for 12 weeks, came back for Thanksgiving weekend, and got home late because there was an accident on the turnpike or something. The next morning, the first thing I did, it was Thanksgiving morning, just said a quick hello to my mom, got the car keys, and started calling my friends and started to catch up with my friends, and I spent the balance of the three days that I was home just hanging out with my friends, and I had dinner at home on Thanksgiving, that was it, and then went back to school. And you know, I so dishonored, especially my mom, my dad didn't think it was a big deal, but my mom was really crushed by it. And it took me a number of years, I think I'm still working on it actually a little bit, because it just so sent a message, you know what, I'm just too busy, I don't really need you anymore. So let's be careful not to dishonor. And it's a little bit difficult, isn't it? We're living in an era as parents live longer and longer. I have lots of conversations with people who are struggling with, what's the honorable thing to do with my parent who's maybe getting elderly, and I can't really care for them the way they need to be, and you know, these aren't easy decisions to make, but let me just say, whatever you do, show them honor. Make sure you show them honor. Why? It's a commandment of God. The second thing about honor, the second simple truth is it's positional. It's about a position. In other words, honor isn't something that we necessarily merit, it's something that's given to us because God says you're worthy of it. Two years ago, I was invited to the presidential prayer breakfast in Washington, D.C. I was in a room that seated 4,000 people, the Sheraton Hotel. And there were heads of state, high-ranking officials of government. There were heavy-hitting corporate CEOs. There were ordinary people from around the nation, 4,000 of us, and we were just talking and waiting. And then when the President of the United States walked in two years ago, everybody stood up and applauded immediately. He hadn't said a word. He didn't come with something to give out. He didn't do anything. He just walked in, but he got a big, standing ovation. Why? Because he was the President of the United States. See, it's just the position. Carol's not here to completely explain this to you, but I'll do my best. When I was in the Marine Corps, and after I got my officer commission, I got a little tag to put on the front bumper of my car. And we lived on the base. We got married, and we lived on the base together. And when the car left the base, the security detail, there'd be two or three guys there, would stand at attention and salute the car. Now, that made a lot of sense when I was driving it, because I worked my you-know-what to get that commission. But when Carol would drive the car, they'd salute the car. She loved that. She'd slow down. Sometimes she'd drive out and turn around and come back in, and they'd salute her again. She said, this is really cool. And she'll tell you to this day, it was just one of those funny things, because it wasn't anything she did or anything I did. That was just part of the order of the position. And I want you to hear. See, what God calls us to, loved ones, is to honor. And let's be specific here, moms, because of who they are. In the original Greek word, this conveys the idea that these people are in a position that God put them in our lives. And how many of you can say you'd be here if your mom hadn't come through for you, right? So, because mom came through for you, she's in a position of honor. Regardless of how checkered or spectacular or disappointing or wonderful the rest of her life was, the fact that she brought you into this world puts her in a place of honor. It's positional. It does not change according to her performance. And it's important that we not lose sight of that. Let's honor our moms because our moms deserve it, because God says so, no matter what they've done since then. There's another dimension that comes up in the next verse. I want you to look at this with me. Here, it says this. Your husband's in the same way. Live with your wives. First of all, let's look at it in the NIV. We're gonna put that up on the screen. This is the translation we normally use. I like the NIV, but in this verse, I want you to read it three different ways. Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect. That's the word that they translate honor, which is not as accurate as the weaker partner. And that's not talking about inferior. It just means physically weaker. And as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers. And then the Living Bible, a little more contemporary translation says this. You husbands must be careful of your wives and be thoughtful of their needs and honoring them as the weaker sex. And finally, the one I put on your outline, which I like the best, the New American Standard Bible. You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker. Again, not inferior, but just physically so. Since she is a woman, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. And let me just pull out two words for you here. The first one is to show her honor. That word show, and again, not to make a big deal of knowing the original language, but in the original Greek language, this is the only time this word, aponemo, that's the Greek word. There it is. Aponemo. It's the only time it appears in the entire New Testament. And it means to show or grant or attribute honor and respect. Listen, when Bible writers use a word one time, there's a little rule of interpretation that says this. They are meaning to bring particular attention to that word. So when the word appears there to honor your wife, husbands, God wants to get that through all the rest of the interference that might be in your brain and say, this is really important and it matters to you. Do it. Make a point of it. Don't miss it. And you know, let me just pause here and say, fortunately in our culture, more and more, I believe that men are picking this up. It wasn't that long ago, was it? That women were shown anything but honor and respect. And if you look at a lot of other foreign cultures, a lot of other religions, if you want to go check out other religions, you know, if you want to go see what a Muslim woman is treated like, just go check it out. Don't have to take my word for it. Go read what the Quran says. Watch a little bit of, you know, old Jezreel or whatever that Middle Eastern TV station, you'll see. There's no honor given. Here the Bible says, and this is why I feel so, it's so important that we not miss this. God wants us to honor our wives just for who they are. And any sense of superiority that a man may have is just based on one thing. And you know what it is? It's spiritual pride. Because notice what it says. It says that she is a fellow heir of the grace of life. And what that means is simply that God has chosen her to share in that grace that redeemed her just like he did you. And this is kind of a neat thing. In other words, it's God, and if you happen to be one of those wonderfully blessed people who's married a Christian woman, and, or you're a Christian woman that married a Christian guy, or maybe along the way you both became, you don't realize what an amazing gift that is unless you don't have it. And I know I'm talking to some people today that one spouse is not a Christian, and you struggle, and you cry, and you weep, and you say, Lord, I just wanna be equally yoked. I just so wanna share this love that I have for you with my spouse, but I can't do it. So let me just say to those, I understand the pain that you feel, but I also wanna say that if you happen to be married to a believer, that person is a fellow heir. And you know what? It's interesting. The Bible seems to indicate that there's different ranks in heaven. Hey, are you listening to me? There's different, like, places in heaven. Pretty clear about that. Some rule over this much, some, you know what? You might be a real heavy hitter, guys, here on this earth, but in the world to come, your wife might be way higher. Might be a little careful about this right now, you know? Because things could change. There's a lot of really quiet, humble women who are gonna be very high in God's authority because they've become women after God's own heart and women of prayer. And I wanna say this, too. Fathers, husbands, it's your job, this and again, parents, it's your job to help your children honor their moms. You know, when I walk into a home, I can tell in two minutes if a dad's doing his job. If I see a kid talking back to his mom, his mom, dishonoring his mom, I can tell you just like that, and I know the dad is absentee. The dad's not engaged. The dad's letting it happen. I see moms cowering under their teenage boys. The dad's responsible. Dads, at a young age, help your kids know that no matter what, they're to honor their mom. That's your job. That's your privilege. That's your calling. And God says if you do that, it's gonna go well with you. And finally, there's a great power when you do it. What's the power? Well, the power is this. Your prayers will not be hindered. Wait a minute, are we talking about the same thing? Have we gone from parenting to praying? Well, yes, and this is the interesting little connection that honestly doesn't get talked about very much. There's a certain wisdom in this that I want you to capture. I have said from this platform, and I believe this, there's no more powerful prayer in all the world than when a husband and wife join hearts and hands and pray together about anything. Why? Because the Bible says when two or more agree on earth that's touching anything they ask, it shall be done. And there's no more perfect unity on the earth, I don't believe, than a husband and wife. And so husbands and wives, you have this amazing opportunity to agree for things that maybe no other prayer's gonna break through. So capture that. And when you agree and you're honoring each other, there's just amazing power there. But notice, the inference here is that if you're not honoring, God may not be hearing your prayers. Now, some interpret this as saying he may not hear the prayers of you as a couple, and that could be true. But you know what I think it more likely is? He's saying to us men again, he's saying, you know what? If you're not honoring your wife, don't expect me to hear your prayers. And that, it's a bit sobering. Because some of us pray and we say, well, why doesn't God hear my prayer? And let me just ask you a question. Well, how are you doing with honoring your wife? Well, you know, I'm doing my best, Jack. I'm not, nobody's perfect. Nobody is perfect. I'm not asking you to be perfect. You know, I'm just asking you to look at your life and say, maybe God's asking you, and maybe actually he's pointing his finger and saying, you know, you need to clear away the vapor, the mist, and remind your wife that she's valuable, that she's a priceless treasure, that she's been given to you by God, and no matter what, you're thankful for her. So that's, that means so much, that unites you so much. She's a fellow heir in the grace of life. So let me just close with this application. Now, here's two questions. Maybe this is, you know, if you're gonna go out and have some deed after the service, you could ask, talk about this. Two ways, all right, and this would be husbands particularly, ask your wife, give me two ways that I'm doing this pretty well. How am I showing you honor pretty well? Okay, start with a couple of good check marks, and then after you've gotten, you know, a little bit secure, say, you know, give me two ways I could improve. Now, moms, wives, how many? Two, not, no, not 20. Two, two is two. I, you know, this could get really a long list. Just two ways, and you know what? It would be a very fascinating discussion. Now, we are wired so differently. Some of you, as soon as you get in the car, you're gonna ask that question. You're gonna say, you know, Pastor Jay said to ask, well, how am I doing? Just tell me, and see, a lot of the men don't wanna talk about this. You might wanna wait a couple of days, but I just wanna give you the liberty to go ahead and bring it up. How am I doing, and how could I improve? And then I said I was gonna end with this. Finally, I do wanna say a word to single parents, single moms. About 75% of single parents are moms, and I just have to say to you single moms, and I'm not gonna ask you to stand, but I just, I wanna honor you today and say I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you hold down a job and a household and raise sometimes multiple children, you know, participate in the life of the church. I don't know how you do it, but we celebrate you, and we're here for you, and we honor you because you have taken on a tremendous challenge. Divorce is one of the most dishonoring things you can go through. Now, I have words to say to dads when we get to Father's Day, but I wanna say to moms, single moms, just know how much we value you, and wanna serve you in our family ministry here at North Way, and then just think of this. What would happen if we as a church really took this seriously and looked for ways to speak well, to find the right thing that someone's doing, to see the good thing, to honor rather than dishonor? Do you know how many people will put on a communicator some nitty little crazy thing that they saw that they didn't like, and how few people will take the time to say, oh, that was awesome. That really blessed me. That mattered. That was important. If we could just get a little of that going, friends, we would ignite a fire that I think would please God and really change things. Honor one another, and moms, on this day, we honor you. Let's stand and pray. Father, I thank you, and we together thank you for the moms in our lives, the moms that have cared for us and wiped our tears and led our path and held our hand and showed us the way. Moms who were there for us when we needed it. Moms who listened when no one else would. Moms who cared when no one else could. We pray for every mom that thinks this challenge is just too much and pray that they would have grace, grace from above, to be a good mom, not a great mom, just a good mom. And Lord, we pray for the ones, and we know that there are many here even today, that wanna be a mom, and that just hasn't been possible. We pray that you just fill their heart with the assurance that you love them and you have a plan for them and you have spiritual children for them until such time that you might show them your perfect will and plan. And so we thank you for this time. We ask you to bless and honor each of us in Jesus' name. You know, while you're standing, just think of this for a moment. In my prayer.