Discovering The Spirit-Filled Life XII, Your Marriage Matters To God

Lord, when the joy comes from the inside, Father, it's just a matter of taking the cap off, Lord, and let it come out. We thank You tonight, Father, for the living waters that flow forth by the Holy Spirit in us tonight. Lord, we give You praises, Your people, in Jesus' name. And everyone say, Amen. Praise the Lord. Just go ahead and be seated, would you? I wanted to have the kids in with us for the whole time, with singing tonight. It's great to be together as families. Praising the Lord. Never seem to have enough time. But when we do, it's a great time. I want to dismiss the kids right away because I know their teachers are anxious. Just before we do that, they're real anxious to get them. We have an overhead about the Wednesday night teachers. And we need, listen carefully, please. We need one man and one woman, one brother and one sister to co-teach. In other words, you won't have the whole responsibility. You'll just have part of the responsibility to teach the 5th and 6th grade boys and girls. Your commitment is only until the end of May. And if you say, Well, Jay, I just couldn't afford to miss the evening services. And I know that's a dear and precious input to many people. We'll give you the tapes. You get a free tape after the service if you'd like to know what's happening in teaching. But we need men and women, one of each, one man, one woman, to help in this particular need for the next four months. And that's just all it will be, okay? I want to see the hands of the people that say, I'll pray about it, Jay. I'll pray and see if the Lord wants me to be that one. How many hands are going to go up right now? You're not even going to pray about it? You better pray about it. You say, God couldn't possibly? You're saying God just couldn't possibly want me to do it. Is that right, elders? It's not right. Okay, let's all put our hands up. Lord, you pick the one with the hand up, Father, that you want. In Jesus' name. All right. Well, we've got a lot of people praying about it anyhow. Are we ready, boys and girls? We have overheads for this. Well, we start with the oldest ones first, right? Fifth and sixth grade. Are we ready? Flash them up there. You'll know as soon as I will. Okay, boys on this side and girls on this side. Teachers, are you present? Great. Fifth and sixth grade girls, teachers. Here comes the gals and the fellows over here. John Ray, Adolfo, God bless you guys. All right. Go quickly. Next, we have third and fourth boys on this side. You can be coming up out of your chair, third and fourth grade girls as well. Hi, Carlos. All right. By the way, kids, be watching. Somebody special is going to show up this Sunday morning when we're all in here together for morning worship for the kids. Someone right out of the pages of the Word. So be watching out. Okay, kids, first and second grade boys. Sam, is that your group? And first and second grade girls on this side. I want you to be looking out for Noah this Sunday, kids. He's going to be here. All right. Why does it seem we have a lot more boys than girls? There's some kind of a ‑‑ all right, next. All right, that's four and five-year-olds on this side, okay? And what do we have left over here? Rainbows. Can't miss Rainbow the Clown over here, gang. All right. Boy, see, the younger age is just whoo. Okay, are we ready? Go, scooters. You're on. Rainbows over this way. Now be looking for Noah on Sunday morning. He's going to be here. Okay. What a mob, folks. Remember, if your hand was up, the Lord may speak to you about helping out. And if he doesn't, I may help him out. Praise the Lord. Boy, we have many good things to share tonight. I want to mention, I will probably reiterate this on Sunday. I feel that this Sunday evening meeting coming up with the senior hires and their parents here at the church, this Sunday is going to be a very important time. If you have a senior hire, you may want to just make a real firm date to bring them along. And I didn't mention this Sunday, but I want you all to know that Tim Johnson, many of you know, comes regularly on Wednesday night when he's here in town and rarely on Sunday mornings during football season because Tim plays with the Pittsburgh Steelers, will be here that Sunday evening to share. So make a date with your teenager and bring him to that pizza party right here at 630. And he's going to be speaking on setting your priorities while you're young. I think it's going to be a great evening. Parents, make a date of it. Say, well, my kid doesn't want to come to church. Well, tell him he's coming to a restaurant. It's just been changed a little. Okay. Yes, yes, Jean. It's for teenagers and their parents. All right. Especially senior hires, this says. Okay. Last day for directory cards. Do them right now. If you haven't done them, if you want your name in the directory, this is the last day. Okay. Ron, you look great. Back, refresh from your missing trip. Ron Carlton, did Bill James make it in, Sherry? Okay. Didn't find him? That's all right. Ron just wants to come for a couple of minutes and share what the Lord did in his life and through his life as he visited with the Chases in reconstructing Jamaica. Stand up on a couple of steps here, Ron, so they can see you. Would you please? Nice crowd. First, I want to say God is good. God is good. I have a lot to say and no time to say it. So the only thing that I could really that sticks out in my mind more than anything, that we have so much here and they have so little there, but they're thankful for everything that they have. And so often I hear everybody complain what we don't have here. And if that was something that stuck out in my mind, that was it, that we shouldn't complain about what we do have. We should be thankful for everything that we do have because, I mean, they took roofs off of houses down there and them people live in a one-room house with four and five people in a room. And they don't even care. I mean, as long as they're still alive, I mean, that's they're still thanking God, believe it or not. They still thank God for whatever comes about. And, yeah, it was beautiful. If you ever get a chance to go, I'm sure the Chases will be glad to have you. Just plan on working when you go, that's all. Praise the Lord. I think we're working toward taking a senior high group this summer. Is that still in the works? A bunch of senior hires to work there as well. One last thing. This Saturday, as I shared a couple weeks ago now, Tony Michalowski, the fellow that was murdered and dismembered, as you all recall me sharing here, his funeral service, memorial service, will be this Saturday at 10 a.m. at St. Peter's Church down on West Common Street in Pittsburgh. And if you'd like to attend there to support the earners and Richie, who will be there, I encourage you to do that. And there's going to be a little reception here for the family. And this is a testimony that the love of God is reaching out to that family. And Joyce has asked that if you could help by baking a cake or to help cook for that brunch at the registration tables right out between those doors, if you could just say, I'll be available to help that way, Joyce would appreciate that right after the service today. All right. That's important. Now, last week when I was away, I heard such great things about the baptism and listened to the tape, some since then. The exciting thing that the Lord is doing here, even on Wednesday nights, is bringing people to a new place in their walk with Christ. And some come on a Wednesday night with friends for the first time to visit North Way. And you never know what's going to happen here, as you'll see tonight in a little bit, because Wednesday nights is family night at North Way. In other words, we are here opening our hearts to one another, believing God to really meet us by His Spirit in a powerful way. And He just does that when we are, by faith, coming before Him. And it's interesting, though, that some people come and visit us on this night for the first time. And we want you to know that we're glad you're here. We want to welcome you tonight in a special way. So if you're a visitor tonight, we want to slip a packet of information about North Way to you. Are we ready with that, ushers? If you're a visitor tonight, just wave your hand up in the air. We want to welcome you. All our visitors, go ahead. God bless you, sir. Over here, yes. Back this way. Right here. Right here. Hello. There we go. Great. Thank you. Now, that's all it's going to be. Now, if you're not afraid to put your hand up, go ahead and do it. Anyone else we missed? All right. Great. Glad you could be here with us tonight, folks. It's an important time to pray together. And I believe, church, the Lord is stretching us. How many have found the teaching on Sunday beginning to just stir you back to where you're at least addressing that area in your life and say, Okay, God, I want something serious to happen. I was talking to a brother on the phone the other night who was telling me that for the first… Actually, he was in my home. I was on the phone. He was talking to me about, for the first time in a long time, he's back into exercising. And he's doing an aerobic videotape with his wife. Now, before you all start snickering about that, man, I remember the first time I walked down to the Y and watched Vicki Adams leading that troop to destruction. And if you're like me and you're moving along and your flexibility is starting, that's a murderous routine. I mean, that'll take the worst out of any human being. And, I mean, it really is tough. Well, this brother was saying that he just now, for the first time in a long time, is every other day, every 48 hours, exercising. And just doing that thing for about 30 minutes or so. And he said it's having a remarkable impact, not just on his body physically. He says people think he's losing weight. He's really redistributing his weight some. But also in his mental posture toward the day and how he feels about things. I said, well, do you think there's any application in the spiritual realm? You know, the whole purpose of teaching on this and calling it prayer aerobics, as I have been, is because in the spirit realm, when we get disciplined about it, we start getting regular, God then just begins. He begins to take some of the flab of our spirit and turn it into muscle of faith. How many people want muscles of faith and not the flab that a lot of us get into? Well, a lot of things you want God to do in your life won't happen until that flab becomes muscle, folks. And the exciting thing is I believe God's just putting us all through a bodybuilding time in the spirit. I'm going to ask you to stand in a moment and exercise whatever muscle you have of faith. Here's a couple of corporate things. And you pray for whatever's on your heart in these small groups. I want you to pray. Gosh, it seems like there's so much bad news. But when we put our eyes on Jesus Christ and on his word, the Bible says he'll take the bad news and turn it into good. He said he'll work all things together for good to those who love him. I want you to pray for, if you know, Randy and Aria's soup. Randy and Aria's sister. Aria's sister was recently killed up in Connecticut and she had to fly up there to be with the family. It was a tragic thing. Pray for her. We want to pray for little Aaron here tonight. We believe God is going to be touching his body and he needs prayer tonight for healing. And so there's so many of them. I feel it's important that we bring these things corporately before the Lord. Because when our faith melts together, church, I believe God hears the cry of his people. I want you to remember Aaron tonight, little Aaron Rankin. And I want you to pray for the Shute family, that God would meet them powerfully. And certainly the ordiners and those associated with Richie as they minister this weekend. And yeah, Jill Scott went into the hospital in a serious condition. Let's remember Jill and prayer. Alright, let's stand. Praise God. Lord, I have confidence tonight that the prayers that have ascended to you, Lord, have been heard. As we have approached boldly through the blood of Jesus and presented these before the throne, Lord, may they, along with our praise, be a sweet fragrance, Lord, that fills all of heaven and ascends along with the intercessions of the Lord Jesus himself, Father, for us. We pray tonight, Father God, that you'd hear these prayers, Lord. We're anticipating the answer, Lord. We're looking for the answer, Father. Our eyes are expectantly tonight anticipating the answer. In Jesus' name, everyone say, Amen. Now, don't be seated. I know it's automatic. We're going to do a little shuffling here tonight for the teaching time. Are we ready for that, ladies? Okay, yes. We're going to do a little shuffling. In the interest of harmony tonight, we're going to separate. And we're going to have... Which side is this, Paula? This is the ladies' side, and this is the men's side. So I want... Go ahead. This is the dividing line, men. You can sit down if you're a man. Ladies, you shift. Let's do it. Now, no one get angry with me now. I see people leaving. That's discouraging to me. Why are you leaving? You don't even know what I'm going to say yet. Stay up close now, ladies. You'll want to hear this. Go ahead, make a shift, and let's go along here. Great. I didn't hear that. That's great. All right, let's move along. Ladies, it's good to see you squeezing in a bit here. We have a few more ladies than men, but not a whole lot more. Now, if you're a brother and you're sitting by yourself, you're taking this too personally, all right? 1 Corinthians chapter 7. 1 Corinthians 7. Really, I did this in the interest of saving elbows and ribs. All right, let's begin. Time's going to be moving along very quickly here. Let's begin in chapter 6. 1 Corinthians 6.18. Here we go. 1 Corinthians 6.18. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body. Now, for the matters you wrote about, it is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer and then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am, but each man has his own gift from God. One has this gift and another has that. Now, tonight we are going to move from the very spiritual, those revelations of the grandeur of heaven and all the things that Paul writes so eloquently about to the very earthy, our sexuality. Now, if the truth be known, more men of God have fallen because they did not come to terms with this subject than any other. Do we need any more vivid illustration than we have seen in the last couple of years of what inappropriate sexuality, an expression of sexuality, can do to men of God? Let's understand. In God's mind tonight, church, there is not a separation of body, soul, and spirit, but an integration. And one of the great mistakes that happens in Christians is that they begin to just put sexuality on the side as though it's something that they can determine the best way to operate in while God takes care of the spiritual. And this is just a tragic mistake because it brings many people into a condition of frustration and eventually into sin and then into prolonged agony before God and sometimes to the destruction of their own relationships and certainly their ministries. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. Now, you may not fully get a hold of that tonight, but I want you to pray about that. Why did God spend all the time telling us in the Old Testament how glorious the temple was? We're talking about gold upon ivory kinds of things. Your body is more important to God than any physical structure you could ever conceive of, no matter how beautiful it is. God said, I want to dwell inside of you. And it says right there at the end of verse 20, Therefore, honor God. Honor Him with your body. Now, I know I'm talking tonight to a lot of single people. And I announced on Sunday that the focus of this message tonight would be on marriage and God dealing positively and strengthening our marriages. And I want you to don't tune me out because I'm going to say some things will affect you. And next, I'm going to speak directly to you. You have a commitment from me on that at this point. I want to say, marriage, don't tune that out either because you never know. Number one, what guarantee you have that you'll be married in five years. Or may choose to take your spouse home, whatever. Number two, you may know a single person that you could encourage. So this week, I'm speaking primarily to marriage. But if you listen carefully, singles, it'll help you a great deal as you contemplate marriage. Because this whole chapter, chapter seven, is nitty gritty stuff. I mean, it's written to people in the Los Angeles of its day. See, Corinth was a city that worshiped sex. In fact, the term was coined when you wanted to get sexually active and have lots of partners and all the rest, that you would go out at night and Corinthianize. That was the word for that kind of a lifestyle. You Corinthianize, that's the same as carousing with a sexual connotation to it. And that was where the Greek god of Aphrodite was enshrined and prostituted to. Every day, people came in and worshiped by having sexual intercourse with temple prostitutes. That's the kind of culture. I mean, how many of you know it just hasn't changed? We just put a different sign on the door, but we're doing the same thing. And I'm going to share some statistics tonight with you folks that are just, they're mind-boggling. But they're corroborated many different ways. And so, I want to begin by talking about why Paul even took the time to address this. You see, our response to the sexual liberation all around us can be one of two things. The same as it was in Corinth. Number one, we can look at it all and say, well, I'm free from the bondage of the law. You know, to the pure, all things are pure. And unfortunately, there are Christians, married and unmarried, who take sexual liberty as something that they are able to enjoy because they're free in Christ to do as they feel led to do. Believe me, that happens to people. And they justify a licentious lifestyle because to the pure, all things are pure. In fact, it says here a little bit earlier in 1 Corinthians 6 that, you know, it's okay. Verse 12, everything's permissible for me. So that's one error. The other error are those who totally withdraw. Back out and say, well, to be really spiritual, you don't need sex. I don't think I'll get any amens in that here tonight. But that was a problem in its day. It was a teaching, and there were those ascetics, they were called, people who withdrew and, you know, looked down on sex, and yet inside, burned with desire and with lust. Well, here in America, we don't need to look very far to see the fruits of people who have abused their sexuality within and without marriage. Pornography is a blight that really causes more pain and grief than I think we could ever imagine. I was told just the other day, how many of you heard about Ted Bundy? You know, you heard about it? Well, he confessed a lot of things in his last couple of days, hoping to find some loophole to get out. And one of the things he confessed was that the beginning of all his murders of these beautiful gals, 20 or more beautiful gals, it all started in pornography. It just accelerated as he allowed himself to be more and more exposed and more and more warped. You see, and it's all around us. And even in marriage today, there's just all kinds of pressures. You know, we won't be embarrassed. We're going to have a wall closed right here in just a minute. Now, let's look and see what the Bible says about it, okay? And I have to say, I'm a little bit anxious because you all know I'm walking a fine line here. And I'm under strict orders from my wife. Just illustrations and all. And so, pray for me that God will hold my tongue in the right times. Now, let me share with you tonight four guidelines for marital intimacy. Four guidelines for marital intimacy. People, we all yearn for intimacy. Everyone wants to have intimate relationships. The kind of deep, profound care and sharing and communicating and loving that we were created to have both with God and one another. The first thing we need to know to get this thing going is it is good. It is good. Intimacy is a good thing. Now, notice, and I want to jump... I head to next week here a little bit. Look at verse 1. Now, for the matters you wrote about, see, the Corinthians wanted to know about this because it was a major problem in the church. He says, it is good for a man not to marry. So, if you're not married here tonight, it's good for a man too. And next week, I'll elaborate that a little bit as to why it is and the benefits and the advantages and then also how to deal with the struggles you may be feeling. But it is also good... No, we're still on number one. It is also good to be married. Look what Paul says in verse 2. He said, but since there's so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. It's a good thing. Why? Well, number one, because there is so much immorality. Dear ones, I don't want to digress too far, but most of you know the statistics. One in two marriages in 1988 are likely to end in divorce. Now, the reason why you don't see one in two couples that you know divorced yet is because it's a cumulative thing. And when we look back 30 years from 1988, we'll see that one of two marriages in 1988, according to current statistics, ended in divorce. Statistics tell us that about 40% of all married people will be involved in an affair during some point in their married life. And listen to this one now. Christianity Today, which is a very well-respected evangelical publication, has been around for a long time, not a fly-by-night thing, that deals with very middle-class, upper-middle-class people throughout the country, did their own survey about this. They found that 23% of people in evangelical Christian churches, like North Way, have been involved in an affair. 23%. That means approximately one in four of us. Listen to this. They found that 48% of our young people in evangelical churches, 48%, will be involved in intercourse before they graduate from high school. That's a shocking statistic. You say, well, I don't believe it. These are many different sources. Many different sources seem to corroborate these statistics. And then, going back to married couples, when adultery occurs in a relationship, 84% of the men and 92% of the women say it is very difficult to ever recover from it. Not impossible, but very difficult. It leaves a mark. Tonight, some of the things I'm going to share are proof. Now, there's no guaranteed protection apart from the covering of the blood of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Just guide in your steps. I want to say that. Something I'm going to share tonight will help ease some of the stress and make it more likely that we can survive the terrible pressures around us sexually. Hold your place there and flip over to Proverbs, chapter 5, for just a second. I want you to see what the Bible says about these things because it's very, very frank about it. Proverbs 5. My son, pay attention to my wisdom. Listen well to my words of insight that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as gall and sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death. Her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life. Her paths are crooked, but she knows it not. You see, one of the great tragedies in our culture is that people don't know what they're doing with themselves. You know, they get out and they just start riding along on things and it's the thing to do. Hey, listen, we all are vulnerable to the same... I mean, the same temptations are out there for everybody. I have to say, most people innocently get involved. They think they love somebody, you know, and pretty soon this leads to that and they feel like, well, you know, it's right because we really do care and all those things happen. Or in a marriage, as I'm going to talk about in a little bit, you know, sometimes the pressures just get so great that it seems like, well, in fact, I've had counselors tell people that it would be good for them to have an affair. To kind of, you know, spruce up their relationship a little bit. Put a new side on it. The Bible says it's the way of death and it will lead to death spiritually. Remember what we read first of all? It's the worst of sins because it's a sin against your own body. I need to pause right here because I know that when you share heavy things like this, there are people here who say, well, I mean, am I destined to forever be miserable? I want you to know there's healing and forgiveness in Jesus. The blood of the Lamb is sufficient. But please don't read that tonight as being licensed to do what you please, folks, because there are consequences and everyone who's ever been involved will tell you. Alright, number one, it's a good thing. It's a good thing. Sex, by the way, as someone said, is not part of the curse of the fall. But it's a blessing given by God to enjoy, to cement the bonds of love and marriage. Number two, once you believe that marital intimacy is a good thing and you're meant to enjoy it, you have to see that it begins with trust. Long before the physical part, you've got to have trust. And this is where single folks, let me just mention, when you come in and you've known someone for two months and you're sure that it's the right person and you can't wait to be married, let me say that you really normally have not had time to put that relationship to the trust test. I mean, what you know you love, but you don't know everything in two months. My wife and I got married, I can say this, we got married in seven and a half months and then it took a couple of years to get to know each other. And by the grace of God, you know, we've made it 18 and a half years, but that isn't always the case. And people who hurry into a relationship and into marriage think they know everything in a month or two and believe me, it's not that way. You see, in order to be intimate, you need to be able to submit. Now, turn all the way back in the New Testament to Ephesians 5. Remember, this is a Wednesday night Bible study. Ephesians 5. I'd say nine out of ten marriages that Pastor Scott and Pastor Jim and Pastor Tom and I will do, they'll want this passage read. Ephesians 5. Ok? Verse 21. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. That's the starting point. Ok? Husbands, wives, submit to one another. The word submit doesn't mean to lower your face to the ground, but rather to humble yourself before another. To willingly submit yourself. Verse 22. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, His body of which He is the Savior. Now, you can't submit to someone you don't trust. You'll withhold. You'll draw back. You won't open up because you're afraid what that person might do. Most of you know that the great majority of sexual dysfunctional problems that women have is because they don't open up enough to trust. And true intimacy begins when you totally trust that partner. You trust them to care. You trust them to protect. You trust them to nurture, to love. And without that, your sexual adjustment will never be fulfilling. There'll always be something you're holding back. Fear will always creep in. And believe me, there's lots and lots and lots of illustrations of how that really breaks down in a marriage over time. You know, I could talk a lot to the men about behavior that promotes trust. And why women don't trust and things that happen. But I want to get on tonight because the specific point I want to get on to is coming up here. Number three. Marital intimacy, number three, requires cultivation. You've got to work at it. You don't get married and find that everything just soars right on down the pike for happily ever after, forever and ever. Listen to this. As I said, four to five out of every ten marriages will end in divorce. Further studies, James Dobson and others have conducted, say that of the remaining five, three of them will be a hassle. I mean, just plagued with problems and problems and more problems and just survive. Staying together because of the kids. Staying together because economically I couldn't afford to move out. So really, only two out of ten marriages generally end up the way God designed them. Enjoying intimacy. And there's lots and lots of things that destroy it. I drew up a list of what I want to call intimacy busters in marriage. We have an overhead for this, alright? These are things that are going to break up the intimacy that you might be trying to build in your relationship. The number one intimacy buster is over-commitment and physical exhaustion in your relationship. Someone say something. Alright? Now, do you know who the most guilty party is on this? No, no, no. No, no, wait. They're ganging up on us, fellas. It's the younger couples. The younger couples. The hard-charging, you know, dink couples. Double income, no kids. Out there really just... And then a kid comes along and we try to sustain the job and try to keep the... Got to get the down payment together for the house. And many marriages destruct because early on over-commitment leads to exhaustion, lack of communication and things can't handle it. One of my dearest friends in college, dear friend, went to medical school, married a beautiful gal. I loved them both. They were great friends. And four years into medical school, they divorced. Over-commitment and exhaustion. And it broke my heart because it didn't have to happen but they didn't heed this warning. It can happen to any of us if we're not careful. It's a whole lot better to live a little bit lower standard of living and stay together than it is to be out there trying to build a kingdom for yourself and lose your relationship along the way. Number two. Here we go. Credit. Excessive credit and conflict over money. Hello? Tremendous stress on relationships because of money. Unequivocally, the number one cause for divorce in terms of root, you know, the thing that's putting pressure on the relationship. James Dobson says 80% of divorces start with this root cause. Now, there's deeper things happening but this is what creates the pressure. You come home, you can't pay the bill so one says, you know, the wife says, you know, honey, I can't stand this anymore. People are knocking on my door. He says, well then, you know, we got a problem. I'm going to go out and I'll see what I can do about it and he goes to a bar and gets drunk and that's it because he can't stand the pressure. All right. Well, I could go on for that one. This isn't a money management seminar but it's a crucial one. Just a little word. If you're a young couple, don't get into a lot of debt especially on unappreciable items. You know, cars on down. Houses are a little different story. We're going to have some good teaching over the next months on this money management issue. Number three. Next intimacy buster in-laws. Everyone can say amen on that one. All right. One thing I tell couples, if at all possible, don't live at home for the first months to save money. Don't do it. Now, I know all of you pretty well that have been coming here for a while and I know some of you violated this and got away with it. That was the