Discovering the Spirit-Filled Life XII, Singleness And Sexuality

I see the children are ready already, kind of leaning forward in their chairs, they want to be on their way, and you know, every week the challenge to care for the kids is before us. It isn't the thing, well, you just decide not to do it this week. I want to urge you once again, if you're part of this church, to consider the children as your charge. These kids are your kids, this is your family, these are your little brothers and sisters. Maybe you have something you can give to them on a Wednesday night, especially, just consider helping out for a brief period of time. We're really believing in the Lord to raise larger numbers of teachers up over the months ahead, but as Seeker comes, we have a special need in the 5th and 6th grade boys, so you can be available to that if that's on your heart tonight. Kids, we're ready to go. I'm just going to go ahead and release you, and then I'll share a few other words and we'll get on with tonight's service. So if you'll stand, and your teachers will come up right where they're supposed to be, and we'll have a word of prayer. Heavenly Father, as the teachers come, Lord, we count it a great blessing to receive children and to train them up in the way they should go, so that when they're old, they will not depart from it. Bless each teacher I ask in Jesus' name, and everyone's sin. Amen. Okay, teachers, let's see who's up on this side first. It's 5th and 6th girls over here, and this must be 5th and 6th guys, is that right? All right. Fellas, come on on this side. If you're here, come quickly. All right. Thank you. 3rd and 4th grade girls, come quickly if you're here tonight. And then on this side, it'll be 3rd and 4th grade boys. Where are you tonight, boys? Come on, get up here. Okay, next are 1st and 2nd grade girls. Where's the 1st and 2nd grade girls teacher? Right over here. All right. Make sure they wave so they see you. While we're doing that, folks, you can pick up this gold sheet and decide if you'd like some special input this summer from Eden Bible College. If you'll mark that accordingly, we're going to just gather those up tonight and take some kind of a readout as to whether or not we want to do this. So you say, yes, I'm interested in one of these courses. Now, it'll be in a brief, sort of a high-intensity spurt. These are some of the electives that we may sponsor. You can just ask the ones you're interested in. Decide which system. One or two you'd be interested in. One week night. One week plus a Saturday. Five nights and a Saturday. Or a Friday night for two hours and two Saturdays. You decide which one you prefer. And if you'd like credit for this course, it would be a minimal fee. All right. All right. Go ahead. Fourth and fifth. The scooters over here and over this. Over here, we have rainbows. Yeah. Have we gotten rainbows? They're coming. Okay. Rainbows, come quickly. Now, if you don't fill this out, you're voting not to have it. Okay? If you fill it out, then we'll consider doing it this summer for your edification. All right. I have more papers tonight. If I get through tonight without speaking my name backwards, it's going to be a miracle. Let's put up very quickly the announcement about the pro-life picketers. Those who just want to picket. This is not a rescue or anything. It's just a picket. Be here at North Way at 9 a.m. And they'll be going down to the Fulton Building to picket this Saturday. Encourage you to do that. It's a time to keep the pressure on in prayer and in declaration of support for the little ones. And then finally, the overhead that talks about the singles conference and the single-parent seminar. These are a couple months away, but worth planning for. All right. A singles conference. We've had Mike Cavanaugh here at North Way. Great brother in Christ. Good speaker. Very motivational and challenging. If you're a single person, you'd be interested in that. And then single parents right here at the church. The conference is over at the airport, but the single-parent seminar is right here at North Way. Plan for it. Begin to invite friends that you'd like to bring to those events. Worthwhile. I think I'm about cooked here. All right. I want to invite now for just a few moments the elders that we have recently set apart here at North Way to come forward. The four or five new elders that are with us tonight and the other existing elders that are still here. Great. Everyone is here tonight? Wonderful. Now, we prayed for these men briefly on Sunday. I want to just give a further word of encouragement to you men today. Here comes Dennis. And I think it would be appropriate if the other elders wouldn't mind standing for a few minutes behind these brethren. That would be very appropriate. Would you do that? As a fellow elder, I issue this charge. And I believe there will be a day in our church when we will have what the Bible calls a presbytery of elders. And we'll be sending out and appointing elders in other cities and so forth. But I just want to bring something from the word tonight, men, to you to encourage you and, in effect, to charge you in your role. And we have... Did we get the overhead? Do we have an overhead on this? Okay. Let me give one overhead here to Paula if you all can crane your necks this side. There's many, many models we can use in the Old Testament about what an elder did. And they really set the platform for what the New Testament understanding of elders was. The first thing was that an elder was not a young person. So, fortunately... Fortunately, you all qualify easily for that one. All right. The elders in the Old Covenant community were leaders in war. They led the battle. They weren't cheering for the troops. But they were out there doing it. And, by the grace of God, I believe you men are all men of a warrior spirit. And you, in prayer primarily and in your actions, carry that summons. And it's a very important one. Because if you're not leading in the war, people won't hear the certain sound of the trumpet and know where to go. And all of us would say amen to the fact that we need leaders who are out there doing it. Is that right? Amen. All right. Number two, the elders in the Old Covenant judged disputes. They were available to judge disputes. Now, one of the things that happens in a church as it grows is people get disgruntled. Because somehow they get passed over. Something doesn't happen the way it should happen. In many cases, it's legitimate disputes. And, brothers, there's going to be times when the glamour of eldership will fade into the sunset. And you'll be right in the thick of just naughty, sticky problems. But that's a call in your life to help judge disputes. To help brothers and sisters even to work things out between one another. And as these men serve in district eldering capacities, they will be available to help sort out disputes. And also, number three, to give good counsel. Now, I know each of these men. And I can attest to their wisdom in the Lord and to their ability to give good counsel. If you need counsel, the Bible says there is great safety in a multitude of counselors. These men are apt counselors and would be available to help just give wisdom into situations. Number four, they represent and maintain community. And this is important. What this means is, as you are in character and as you are in vision, so shall the community be. That's pretty scary. Your personal walk in Christ and your vision in the Lord will also set the tone and maintain the spirituality of the church. So I do want to say, as a fellow elder, let's commit to encouraging one another on in this walk to deepen our relationship in Christ. And finally, the elders in the Old Covenant exercised the authority of service for the people. And here's where I need to just give a word to you. The Bible says to honor the elders. And I want to exhort you to do so. To give these men honor by praying for them, by heeding their words of counsel and direction. When they visit with you, would you honor them by treating them as those that God has set apart and called to a ministry of caring for you. And as you receive them and honor them, so God will receive and honor you in your own personal walk. And brethren, as you exercise authority, may it be the authority of service. The authority that lays down for others and gives freely to their needs. The Bible tells us that the greatest among you will be the servant of all. So we appreciate you. We love you. Shall we once again join in prayer as we extend a hand toward these men. Oh God, Lord, this church will only be as strong as these elders. This vision will only be as broad as the shoulders of these men. God, we pray for fresh anointing. God, we pray that you would pour down the spirit of truth and life over us. And that you would begin to bring us into fresh revelation, Lord. To new understanding of your word. To a higher sense of the destiny that's upon us. And Lord, we choose this night to forsake lesser callings. We choose this night to turn away from distraction and diversion that would keep us from the utmost. Let's do your name, oh God. Father, I thank you for each of these men. We thank you tonight, Lord, for the blessing of having such committed men. Faithful men, Lord. I pray, Lord, that these who have served as elders in other bodies would be able to take another step, oh God. Beyond where they've been, into a higher calling, Lord. So transform their understanding of eldership. That this would be a new experience in grace and in faith for each of them. Lord, we thank you for what it means to walk arm in arm with these men. In Jesus' name. Once again, I believe I should, in case some of you just come Wednesday nights, I want to introduce. This is Mac McCabe. Kirk, formally, but don't call him that because he'll think you're talking to his dad. Jim Franks. Charlie Beck. Tom Niswinter. And Dennis Riley. Now, remember those names. Not just here, but before the Lord. Amen. I love you guys. God bless you. Thank you. Praise God. I understand that Frank Meadows is here tonight. Alright, Frank, I think I saw you. Is Beth with you? She's back. Alright, well, she comes back. We want to pray for you guys if we possibly can tonight. Amen. Who has the Lord been stretching this last couple of weeks? I've been getting so many, what I would call, stretching testimonies. Where the Lord's requiring you to go some places you haven't been before. And when that begins to happen, folks, listen. You can receive this stretch as pain for its own sake or as enlargement for something more that God wants to do. And that's an important principle. It's not what happens to you. It's your response to it that determines the value of it. And I want us to pray for the next five or six minutes all around the auditorium tonight. And I can see we have some visitors. I'll be speaking to you in just a moment. But as a visitor, I want to encourage you. Don't be intimidated by praying with someone. If you've not done that and you're new to that kind of experience, just say, I'd like to listen. And the people around you will certainly understand. You don't need to say anything, but just, you know, don't get up and walk out. See, we have trained people outside there waiting for you. If you walk out that door, they're going to grab you and make... No, I'm just kidding. It's just a lot better to stay in the room and pray with people and share the blessing of expecting the Lord in someone's life. But folks, don't waste these next five minutes. Don't just pray for your, you know, another sunny day tomorrow. I mean, God's got that under control, I think. I don't know. How many of you believe God maybe just really loves us here in Pittsburgh now? All of a sudden, I mean... We're the new Rio de Janeiro of the North or something. I just, this is incredible. But we do need to pray. And I want you to bring that thing that's causing you to stretch. That if it's a person, don't name them necessarily. Just say, I've got this relationship. For God wants to enlarge and make room for more grace in your life. Would you do that? Let's stand together. And turn and invite two or three to pray and go right into prayer because time is short tonight. For every impossible thing that's been seeking to overwhelm us tonight, Lord, by faith, it's possible. Father, when I consider that not just the problems of this group, but the potential of it, Lord, I begin to quicken in my heart. I believe that this is to be a time when many of us exchange impossibilities for the possible. I ask it in Jesus' name, heaven and earth. And everyone say that. Amen. And even as it bears to our sexuality, what's been impossible in the past, by faith, can be made possible tonight. I pray that it will be a word. The last thing I want is just to give you some information tonight. I prayed with some of the staff and elders earlier that this would be a night of imparting the power of the Lord to accomplish His will and His purpose in us. It would be pleasing to Him. God's power to do is a definition of what word? Grace. Grace is God's power to do. So if you've been unable to do what you know you should do tonight, you can receive grace to do it. That's good news for somebody. Tell someone that's good news. Tell them. And then be seated. Go ahead and be seated. Be seated. I want to welcome our visitors here tonight. Usher, would you be prepared real quickly? We know tonight is sort of a special topic, and I'm certain that some have come as guests tonight. And we don't ever want to embarrass any visitor or guest, but we always want a visitor to know that you are special. Even if it's just for one time, to hear one message and you never come back again, that's up to the Lord and you. But we're glad you're here for tonight, and we want to give you a packet of information about North Way that will just give you some handles on why we do the things we do and where we believe the Lord's taking us. And so if you're a visitor, the church wants to welcome you, but would you just wave your hand at us and let us know you're here? All the visitors tonight, wave up your hand. Ushers, great. Look at that. Hold the hands up. Hello. Whoa, that was... We can do better than that, church. We've got a lot of visitors tonight. Hold it up again. Bless. All right, we still missed about 10 up here, Fred. Keep your hands up, folks, while I just... Hold your hand up and they'll get to you. There we go, up in the front. Thank you. Now, in your little packet there, visitors, there are some things for you. There's a little three-by-five card that when we take the offering up at the end of the service, we'd just like to receive that from you. If you'd like to give us that information, it doesn't automatically put you in a mailing list or anything. We'd just like to know you were here. If you have any needs, mark them on there, and we'll be happy to get back to you about that. All right, praise the Lord. Well, I want to allow time for tonight's message, so let's begin by turning to 1 Corinthians 7. 1 Corinthians 7. I notice there's just a little tiny bit of stiffness in the group tonight. And I really don't want that stiffness to be there. Now, I've had about 50 people ask me, are we going to get to sit boys and girls again tonight? And I thought about it, but I really feel it's okay just to stay where you are. And, you know, if you're single tonight, you just might be seated in the exact space where God wants you to be for making all kinds of applications to this message. So we'll see if I should go up a little higher or not. Can you all see in the back? And I hate to see your... Some people, I can see the bottom of their esophagus in the back, and I hate to do that. I think it might be well for us to move this up, man, because it is just a little bit difficult to see way out there, even though I can sometimes stumble down all the steps. Now, tonight's message was not easy to put together, as you might imagine, because most of you think you know what I'm going to say already. It was sort of one of the Lord's little funny quirks that when we put the sign up on the road yesterday, our big sign up on Route 19, we normally have Sunday morning's message on this side, and somehow it got twisted around. Tonight's message is up there, and there were several accidents up on Route 19 reading the subject. But anyhow, there's such a bias in our culture toward marriage. I have to say to you right now, I'm a little frustrated, because I know a lot of married couples that didn't come tonight, even to this meeting, because they felt this was not really relevant to them. But statistics would tell them otherwise. Number one, all of them are going to be single again, except in the rare circumstances where they both die in the same instant. And number two, there's such a profound sense of not understanding what goes on in the single person if you were married at a younger age, especially. Yesterday, I had lunch with my friend Chuck Kuhn, who's in a wheelchair. We went out, and I didn't fully appreciate everything a handicapped person has to deal with. Just getting into a restaurant and getting up over the tiniest little irregularities in the pavement. Unfortunately, a lot of married people don't know everything that single people deal with, because they're not dealing with those right now. And it agrees me that there wouldn't be more sensitivity to want to know how to relate to that. In a way, as a married person, I apologize to the singles for the fact that it's your problem now. But that's not true in the body of Christ. We have a challenge to meet. The statistics are staggering. The first overhead is on statistics. I hope you can keep up with me tonight, Nancy and Paula. I don't know what's going to come where. But on the statistics, most recent census tells us that there's 80 million, 87 million households in the United States, and 22 million of them are occupied by one person. One in four of the households represented here is singularly occupied. And as we go along, there's 34% of adult men are not married, and 39% of adult women are not married. You say, well, gee, that doesn't seem... I mean, I look around, and it seems like most people in church... Well, it really changes over the years as well. How many believe there's older women than men as a whole? That's right. And that happens at that part of the spectrum and so on. But as we look at these statistics, by the year 2000, somewhere in the neighborhood of 45 to 48% of the total population will be single. And to think that somehow dealing with sexuality and singleness is not a relevant topic just staggers my mind. It's something that we don't speak about enough. As Christians, to be sure. And this is something, you know, I personally feel we have got to take responsibility and begin to address these subjects and start to allow God to shine light onto our fears. The best way to come out of fear and darkness is let the light come into it. Now, I'm not going to be talking tonight, really, to the sexual swingers that are here, if any. You can all go, well, shh, let's get on with it. Really, I don't even think we need to make much of a case for the fact that the Bible does not make a lot of room for people who are just hopping from one bed to another. Really what most people in that condition are doing is searching for intimacy and they somehow feel they're going to find it in a physical relationship, but basically it never comes to them and they're trying just to escape from their aloneness and that evades them also because they feel used up and alone when it's all over anyhow. But our culture feels that this issue of intimacy is something that is best found in that sexual relationship. How many of you know intimacy is a whole person issue? But intellect and emotion and relationship, non-sexual relationship, doesn't sell soap or toothpaste. And so what you get bombarded with on TV, day and night, all the time, are the physical connotations of intimacy. When you watch the Get Close Up commercial, you don't see two people just sitting by the lake sort of just talking through the issues of life. You see them hanging over the diving board or whatever it is. Those are the images that we have to deal with all the time. And unfortunately for many people, their sexuality becomes a bargaining chip for intimacy. And they're willing to deal one chip of sex just to get a little intimate and close to something. But I'm not going to be talking about people who have just decided to do that as sort of a general course of life. In fact, I think AIDS has told us that that's not the way to go. But I do want to talk tonight to the people who are dealing with sexual desires as a very natural thing that God's put into them, who've maybe been tempted to discreetly express them with someone they feel they care about and love. I will be talking tonight somewhat to people who have in the past struggled in this area and maybe fallen. I will be talking tonight to people who have found that this thing is not that easily controlled. And I know that I'm going to be talking to most of you. Another statistic. Seventy-five to eighty percent of all adults have been sexually active. An adult virgin is becoming a contradiction in terms anymore. So most of us here are going to be touched by this message in one way or another. Now, the next step for me is a tough one because it seems that the only real sin left in America is the one I'm about to commit. It's the sin of narrow-mindedness. I mean, just about anything and everything can be rationalized, psychoanalyzed, psychologized and therapized and accepted. But when you say there is a way, there is a standard, there is a line, then you are self-righteous. You are a judgmental hypocrite. And all the things that begin to be flooding out upon us. How many of you know that it's really dangerous to say you have some standards anymore? You're categorized as being a hypocrite of some kind or categorized in the holding of a fundamentalist who's narrow-minded and who's off the wall and not in touch with what's happening. But the Bible tells us clearly that there are guidelines. There are standards that God has established for millennia. But He doesn't establish them to threaten us. Now hear this. This is a foundational thing. The Bible tells us that God gives us the standards to protect us. And what is in His Word to guide our steps on this subject of sexuality is meant to put you in a place of freedom and not of bondage. How many people want to live in freedom when it comes to their sexuality? See, He whom the Son sets, say it everyone, free, is free indeed. What I'll share tonight is not meant to put anybody into a little jail and make them miserable. God never intended that. And unfortunately, when you think about Biblical parameters of sexual expression, you think, well, it must be really, really terrible. It must be a drag. It must be the most boring life imaginable. So I want to start, and this is our little three-word overhead, girls. I want to start with one principle that will guide our steps. Yep. Here it is. Let's all say it together. Just say, just say yes. Just leave it up. Just say yes. Just say yes. Say yes to fidelity. Say yes to the things that will make for joy and eternal security. Let me just tell you about the two things that God says are standards that we should never violate. Number one, clearly, all the way back in the Old Testament, He said that adultery was unacceptable. Now, I have to say to you, it's tough to read about some of these Old Testament figures and their whole, you know, their selection of wives. That's tough for me to read. I don't know about you. You're a little more holy than I am, but that's tough for me to read. I have to figure out what this is all about. Well, tonight, I'm not really... But over here, this looks like... So they have all this sort of latitude that, by the way, in most every case, led to the downfall of great men like Solomon and so on. But you see, the Bible always tells us that adultery is wrong. Unfaithfulness is wrong. And in fact, the picture of Israel being unfaithful to the Father is a picture of prostitution, which God abhors. And it's just a terrible blight on those who are involved. And I want to say... Let me find this quote because I think it's worth reading. I want to say a word tonight to the people who have good marriages. Maybe this will be worth coming if nothing else is. But I feel like we need to be very careful here. You see, one writer recently said, Paul Pearsall, he says, one of the saddest paradoxes among the thousand couples studied was the fact that the persons you would assume to be the best of all spouses sometimes became involved outside the marriage. If not actually interacting sexually, they were at least flirting with the possibility. He suggests that this is because an attractive marriage partner will be attractive to others outside the marriage as well. The best partners often suffer the worst temptations. The Lord commands us don't commit adultery. Adultery, having sexual relationships outside of the marriage bond. The Bible says don't do it. Say yes to fidelity. Yes to the benefits of being linked to one person and bonded. And we'll talk more about that bond in a minute. But I'm not going to focus on that tonight because this message primarily is for the people who are not married. Whether by having never been married, being widowed, or divorced. The second thing the Bible says yes to is abstinence. Outside of marriage, the Bible does not leave room for sexual intercourse. And that is a very narrow-minded interpretation in today's culture, is it not? But I want to talk to you for a little bit about why it's to your benefit to say yes to abstinence. Because the Bible basically and fundamentally has your best interest at heart, not some kind of a thing, a standard it has to uphold for its own credibility. Now, here's where we're going to be in Corinthians. Let me touch on a couple of things. First of all, some reasons for abstinence. Say yes to abstinence, number one. And if you're taking notes, you might want to jot these down. Say yes to abstinence, number one, because when you are involved sexually outside of marriage, there is a bond that occurs. You may not have intended for it to occur. You may have just wanted a one-night thrill. But the Bible says, look at 1 Corinthians 6, would you? Are you there in your Bibles? 1 Corinthians 6? Verse 15, Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ Himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with the prostitute? Never. And don't just think prostitute like someone you pay. Do you not know that He who unites Himself with the prostitute is one with her in body? One flesh. You see, that bond occurs. And dear ones, it can never be reversed. Can it be forgiven, pastor? Yes, it certainly does. The Lord graciously forgives. But I've discovered something. No other sin, and I think there's worse sins than adultery, by the way, or fornication. Fornication is having sex outside of marriage by a single person. There's worse sins. But I don't know of anything that's harder to get through. Why? Because one of the reasons is this bond occurs. Something happens there. Something happens to unite these people beyond just the physical contact. And that's the way the Bible intended. I believe God created sex for marriage. And it's kind of like the sexual act in marriage cements the bond. And sometimes, how many of you know who are married that that bond gets a little brittle? And every once in a while it's going to get ready to snap. And sex just kind of reunites the bond. It gives you the grace to kind of go on. Number two, the Bible says to say yes to abstinence because we're to honor God with your body. Look at verse 20. Look carefully at that verse. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. You've been bought with a price. Therefore, honor God. Honor God with your body. It's one thing just to say, well, you know, I like to look nice or work out or whatever. But any place your body goes, if you're a Christian, Jesus goes. And that's tough words if you'll permit the poor English. We're called to honor the Lord with our body and do the things that would bless and glorify Him. And you all know the difference. You all know the difference. Number three, what takes place in the act of sexual expression is a formation of attitude towards sex. Much of the counseling that I've done over the years in sexual-related problems has been because people form wrong concepts of sex. Women come and just have a terrible time with husbands because in their initial sexual encounters outside of marriage, they were hurt in some way and they withhold and they can't give freely to themselves. And the other thing that happens is that comparison begins to take place, even subconsciously. Now, once again, I want to say the grace of God is wonderful and many of us know the cleansing joy of all this, but your mind is not like a tape recorder. You just can't push the rewind button and erase it. And it's wisdom to say yes to abstinence just to stay clear of these particular stumbling blocks. And I think there's another one on there. Bad experiences drive out the good. Now, here's one you may not have thought about. You see, as long as you're involved in casual sex or involved in a relationship sexually that's not a married relationship, that means you won't be having a married sexual relationship. You can't have casual sex and covenant sex at the same time. And there are some people who just looking for that intimacy get involved with someone and you know the statistics tell us that after 10 years, people who cohabitate hardly ever are together. They're either married or they're separated. People who use their sex as a bargaining chip find that sooner or later if they're not married, they're separated and hurt. Not just going on in some kind of a... There's the very rare long-standing, you know, married by common law kind of thing. Very rare. And so as long as you're involving yourself, the good that God really intended isn't going to happen in your life. And it's far better to pursue the good, to pursue that which God intended rather than to just be temporarily satisfied. And the saddest thing is people who get involved as wonderful as it may be for those first days, weeks, months, whatever it might be, the nagging thought in the back is always there that, hey, this is going to end. And then what? And then the latter condition is generally worse than the first. You say, well, but sometimes those things are just so wonderful. I mean, you never could have... But the problem is what's left there, the deposit is not wonderful. In some cases, it emotionally cripples people for other relationships. Do we have one more in there, Paul? See, the issue in expressing your sexuality is commitment. I think I noted three kinds of sex. The first one was recreational. That's sex and picnics and so on. No, I'm just kidding. It's just when you... When there's no commitment involved, okay? You just kind of... There's no commitment implied. You just pick someone up or you meet somebody at a seminar somewhere, spend the night with them, whatever it might be. Then there's the kind of sex that's called experimental. This is where you think they love somebody. Folks, lots of us here tonight struggle with it. I love this person. We can't get married right now. I'm not really sure if they'd be right. How many of you were sold the bill of goods when you were maybe even a little bit younger that it's a good idea to try a partner out for a while just to be sure it's the right one? I mean, that's the prevalent psychology of a lot of people. The problem is if it's not the right one, you've paid a big, big price. And number two, if it is the right one, you've paid a big, big price. More than one person I've counseled with has had great guilt about pre-marital sex with the partner they ended up marrying. And that's really the third thing I talk about as well called pre-ceremonial sexual activity. And that is what you do with the partner you end up marrying. And let me just say that I guess I have the greatest compassion for those people. Some people in our church have been engaged for six years. I mean, I don't know how they handle that. You have to walk around in an iron suit for that long. And you need to understand that if there's bee