Define Family Homosexuality

The Gospel of John chapter 1, and I asked for an overhead for today so we do have it on an overhead. The word became flesh, verse 14, and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. Say that phrase with me, full of grace and truth. John testifies concerning him. And he cries out saying, this was he of whom I said, he who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me. From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another, for the law was given through Moses. Grace and truth come through Jesus Christ. Every Tuesday morning at 7.30, he would meet me for coffee at the nearby Salt Shaker restaurant. Often times he would have already had his 90 minute workout with free weights under his belt and we would begin breakfast together by him making a passing comment about my puny biceps. He was right. He was a hulk of a guy and standing next to him only accentuated my absence of muscle pack. We were contrasts. He had dark curly hair, rough ethnic looking features and a deep soothing voice. But we shared a very common spirit. We both had a deep love for Jesus. We were both charismatic Presbyterians, which is not an oxymoron. We were both sifting through the seminary challenges to our faith. In his senior year, Nick married a wonderful gal by the name of Gail, a long time friend from his hometown of Seattle. They had a baby and entered into what appeared to be a very normal life together. Normal until my second return visit to Fuller Seminary, working on some advanced studies four years later, Nick met me for coffee once again at the same Salt Shaker restaurant and shared with me that he'd been in intense therapy for four years since I had left. That he was coming out of the closet about the fact that he was a homosexual. After 15 years of trying to reconcile his drives with his biblical convictions, he was changing his biblical convictions. And even though it meant the loss of his marriage and ministry credentials and just about everything else, he saw no other way out. What really blew me away about all this was the fact that for three years we met at least once a week, and I never knew. Now I want you to take Nick and set him aside for just a moment, and I want you to consider with me the current situation that we're facing as a culture every single day. The rather all-out assault on our social structures that's being waged in the public square by homosexual activists. Homosexuals in the military, homosexual representation quotas in the government, homosexual rights and laws and demands, the whole AIDS and HIV issue that we see every single day in the media. Homosexual educational materials finding their way into public school systems, homosexual marches and protests. And the increasingly vocal expression that a homosexual lifestyle should be considered a perfectly acceptable and normal alternative in our society. These two components are what we must address today. The very real issue of struggling believers who are seeking to come to terms with what's happening inside of them, and an increasingly powerful minority expression on the other hand that's seeking to bring about a paradigm shift in our cultural values. Let me issue a bit of a pastoral warning this morning. Please resist the temptation to sink your head in the sand for the next 30 minutes. I have a sense that some people didn't even come today because they don't want to hear about this. This isn't going to go away. This issue is going to increase in intensity in the coming months and years, and it's not pleasant. In the recent march in Washington about 6 or 7 weeks ago, the basic agenda of the gay activists was bantied in front of the White House. Here's basically what it included. The official agenda issued by the march organizers demanded the right to adopt children, the inclusion of homosexuality in education at all levels, repeal of all sodomy laws, repeal of the age of consent laws that protect young children from molesters, ending sexism in all its forms of religious and ethnic oppression in our communities and in this country, and full legal equality for same-sex marriages. Let me also warn you that your opposition to this agenda could be dangerous to your suburban peace and quiet. Focus on the family. Many of you listen to James Dobson's ministry, he's a bit of a lightning rod in this issue. In a recent Focus on the Family board meeting in Colorado Springs, James Dobson and the board gathered from around the country were shocked to discover that the people in their community who had been engaged to serve them and to accommodate them withdrew their participation in the support of that effort. And the Focus on the Family board was forced to retire to a private residence and to hire a chef to serve them food. Why? Because the homosexual community had threatened not just to boycott, but to violently oppose any merchants or vendors who sought in any way, shape or form to serve the Focus on the Family ministry. Why? Because they have consistently, firmly, and yet lovingly resisted this whole agenda that we're seeing being touted around the nation. Let me say it again, we will be affected by this issue, particularly if the government continues to show a willingness to abandon the biblical paradigm. But the issue that I raise today is how do we balance these two incredibly difficult situations. I am grateful today that in our presence here this morning is a Lord who the Bible says is full of grace and truth. The Lord Jesus in His character embodies what is necessary to walk this very fine balance. And I'm grateful today it's not just something we hope that He can model, it's something He imparts to all who trust in Him. Grace toward those who are struggling and searching for answers and truth toward those who are bent on pressing their agenda and their plan to restructure the family in ways that God does not accept and we cannot support. And dear one, it's not because we're homophobic or intolerant or unloving or judgmental. It's because we believe that God has revealed the blueprint for a healthy family and an enduring society and it specifically prohibits the open exercise of a homosexual lifestyle. In four Old Testament passages and three New Testament passages it clearly says that God does not permit an openly homosexual lifestyle. And it's time for us to take a stand of informed courage in this. Now let me first of all talk a little bit about grace. Despite straight people's shallow attempt to stigmatize and categorize all homosexuals as willing perverts and there's not a person in the place that hasn't at one time or another participated in or overheard queer gay jokes of some kind, homosexuality is a terribly complex matter, one that has challenged the brightest minds for decades and still today when asked what causes homosexual orientation in a person, the only truthful response of the experts must be, we're not really sure. We still don't really know. You see, grace is required from every one of us here today on this issue because as long as the cause cannot be definitively determined, we may find ourselves passing judgment on people who have been victims of forces that have contributed to their homosexuality, forces beyond their control. Now what causes homosexuality? Well there are several factors, three that seem to end up on everybody's list who studies this. The first one is destructive family dynamics. An amazing number of studies seem to show a consistent pattern in about 80% of the homosexuals interviewed. A pattern of a weak, passive, perhaps absentee or disapproving, angry, raging father and a strong, sometimes smothering, maybe overbearing mother. Maybe in an effort to compensate for the father's absence, the mother tries to bring about a certain sense of control. Some of the materials I read in preparation for this message, story after story after story was told of some variety of that description that I just have given you. And this kind of certain sort of dynamic that happens in the family often occurs most forcefully at the time when young people are trying to discover what sexuality is all about. And so they're going through asking the questions, why do I feel about this and gee, I wonder where that's coming from and they lack the skills and many times to relate to their male peers and their female peers tend to frighten them and sometimes intimidate them. And then you throw in a little bit of rage and a little bit of shaming and it's easy to become vulnerable and confused and to begin to seek the attention of a strong male figure. Now this isn't necessarily the cause, but it does make people vulnerable. Do you see the confusion that could result in this situation? And this often times leads to a second and even more powerful contributor. And that is, I'm not sure this is the correct outline on that, an early homosexual experience with a person who perhaps was a friend or relative. Again studies are fairly conclusive that in a high percentage of cases homosexuals can look back at a time when Uncle Bill or Mr. Jones or Terry down the street stepped into their life at a particularly vulnerable moment and helped enlighten them to the possibilities of sexual experience. And if that happens a few times, the theory goes it tends to start the drives going in that direction, particularly again if reinforced in the home front by some kind of dysfunctionality. And once that switch is turned, confusion begins to press in. Most homosexuals can recall vividly that first encounter, that powerful kind of shaping experience. I met with a man this week who at age 15 or 16, kind of unclear about really what was going on, had such an experience with a clergyman. The consequences of those things are binding and long lasting. And when you add that to the desire to escape a raging father or come out from underneath a controlling mother, and the sheer power of the sex drive itself, you can fill in the blanks and see how this thing can get rolling. Somewhat less substantiated but still recognized contributing factor is the one of genetics. This is something that's really heavily under study right now. Maybe you've read about it, a lot of magazines are talking about it, a lot of journals and periodicals, in the same sort of way that some say alcoholism is somewhat possibly contributed to by genes. There are those who say that there could be a genetic predisposition. But dear ones, it's really unclear. I have to say that the evidence is not conclusive. Quoting an article in the Atlantic Monthly of March of this past year, 1993, homosexual Arthur Chandler Burr says this, What does it all mean? As we have seen, scientists must sift for their conclusions through ambiguous results from a disparate group of studies that are excruciatingly difficult to interpret. I.e., it just isn't all that clear. Maybe there's a fourth and possibly more accurate description than all the rest, and that is, it's a combination of all these things. And maybe a few others that go into the making of a homosexual orientation. But the point is this, it is a very complex thing. It is not simply a matter of a person making a choice. One homosexual person in our congregation gave me permission to read a portion of this letter. The basic feelings go back through my whole life. Who knows where they first begin? From an early age, I sensed I was different from my playmates. I couldn't tell what it was, but I knew what other boys were experiencing. The competitiveness, the bonding, teasing little girls, that was foreign to me. I felt like a little E.T. walking around, watching these strange earth creatures. Adolescence only made things worse. I went to a Catholic all-boys high school. Now I was trapped. In that culture, the lowest put-down you could throw at someone was to call them a homo or queer. Those terms got tossed around a lot in the daily verbal spying that went on. But these casual accusations terrified me. Because I suspected I really was queer. What if I turned out to be part of this subhuman class that everyone joked about? What was my life going to be like? Dear ones, what we need to see is that most homosexuals, and I don't know a believer who falls outside of this category, don't want it to be that way. As one man said to me this week, when he really faced what was going on inside of him, he turned to God and said, God, anything but that. Grace is needed. Because these people are devastated, and judged, and mocked, and ridiculed outright, and they don't understand why. They need understanding and not judgment. Let me also say that grace is needed because the operative word in the homosexual community, as I've come to discover it, is fear. I've consciously avoided using the term in this message, gay. Because as I've discovered it, the lifestyle of the homosexuals I know is anything but gay. First of all, there's the fear of being found out. Because the great majority of homosexuals are in the closet. That is, they're not known to be homosexuals. You say, well, what about those profane, banner-waving, weirdly-dressed people that we see all the time in the media? Dear ones, that's a very small percentage. To categorize all homosexuals that way would be the same as categorizing all blacks as panthers, and all whites as skinheads, and all women as radical feminists. They're just the ones that get the attention. Rather, the majority of the closet homosexuals who are afraid of what is going to happen in their life should they come out with this. Secondly, there's the fear of losing their grip on life. Did you know that the statistics show that the suicide rate among homosexuals is about ten times what it is the average populace? And among teenagers, one out of every two is thought to be related to this issue. Then there's the fear of disease, which is widespread. Two-thirds of the homosexual community have some form of venereal disease. As you know, the AIDS epidemic, which is being touted as affecting everyone, is still over 90% concentrated in the homosexual community. In some cases, wiping out entire neighborhoods. And this is largely because of the lifestyle that one finds in those gay communities. Despite the gay propagandist's attempt to portray the homosexual as a mature, monogamous, loving individual who forms and maintains loving and lasting relationships and becomes part of society, and there are some who do that, it's a very small percentage. The Institute for Sex Research says that only, at best, 10% of homosexuals remain relatively monogamous. 90%, if you do the basic math, at least, are promiscuous. And I want to tell you what promiscuous means. The average homosexual has hundreds of partners through his or her lifetime. Many of them total strangers met in a public restroom or bar, people they'll never see again. But you'll never hear this from the gay activists. And the kinds of things that these people do when they're together offends the created design of the human body and is not worthy of my description on this platform. But it's no wonder that disease is rampant and it's no wonder that the fear is gripping. Yet the gay propagandists hide those activities and want us to think that what the homosexual community is involved in is a perfectly normal alternative. Number four, there's a fear of violence. Homosexuals tell me that every one of them lives in fear that someone is going to come and you've all heard the stories of people just out on the street looking for someone to beat on, a gay to bash, whatever. And homosexuals also fear violence from one another because of some of the practices they're involved in. And fifth, many homosexuals, in fact most believing homosexuals fear God. Because most of them know that the Bible is straightforward about this. They know that something's happened that's driven a wedge in their deep communion with God and they don't know what to do about it and they've tried to reconcile Scripture with their lifestyle but much as my friend Nick, they find themselves unable to do so. And they fear the wrath of God for their sin as every person should for any sin. And may I say that homosexual sin is also listed in the same passages that talk about adultery and fornication and greed and lust. You see, many of us have made an effort to understand these fellow strugglers. One homosexual said the reason why we end up in the gay community is because the Christian community doesn't want us. And I know there's a very fine line, I mean I've got information in literature hand me those two things There are movements out there, there are churches now that are basically opening themselves to the homosexual community and throwing the biblical paradigm kind of out the window to do so. I'm not advocating that. There's a publication, a national publication of churches now that receive gays and lesbians but they receive them on the terms of whatever you feel is right is fine. I'm not saying that. I am saying however that we must understand folks that there are people among us who need compassion and understanding and grace. They want to work through this. They want to be helped. And I believe it's the heart of Jesus toward them. They matter to God and they should matter to us and I care about their pain. Now let me talk in closing about the truth side of this. Using the most effective and powerful public relations campaign and some of the best lobbyists in America gay activists have organized themselves into a far more influential group than their numbers should allow and in case you don't know the most recent studies one just completed this year shows that probably at the outside homosexuals comprise 3% of our culture not the 10% that Kinsey's been saying for the last 45 years. But these activists have been very effective and what bothers me is how powerfully misleading their disinformation can be. Once again every week the papers have things and young people, teenagers you read things about HIV positive teens offer straight talk for their peers and you read these kinds of articles and what you get is basically anything is okay as long as you're protected and that is the farthest thing from the truth. But they have the support, and I'll use that word, of the media to kind of sell their propaganda. Be alert to that. And if you really want to know what the homosexual agenda is about get a hold of the book that I read recently called After the Ball written by two Harvard graduates, Kirk and Madsen it's full of insights and it's been widely accepted as sort of the Magna Carta of the homosexual movement there's a 12 plank platform in that, let me just mention a few of them. One of the things that they are advocating is that they're bound and determined to convince all Americans that the homosexual is an involuntary condition that no choice is involved hence no value judgment. One common analogy is well some are born left handed and some are born right handed and we had nothing to do with it. And I want to say that there's always some choice involved. You see but if you can eliminate any possibility of choice then there's absolutely no way that you could have any sense of value attached to it. Number two they advocate that the sex lives and love lives of most gays and straights today are both similar and conventional and I won't get into what those lifestyles and sex lives are about but take my word for it what many homosexuals do is anything but conventional. Number three gays should be permitted all the rights of marriage and parenthood. How many of you know that not too long ago Hawaii almost passed that law that would have permitted the recognition of homosexual marriages and think about it. Think about growing up in a family where my two dads are involved in some of the activities that are so rampant in the community. Gays are working around the clock you need to know this to insert their agenda in your educational systems day textbooks in schools hiring quotas in the government private sector and I would even venture to say eventually it will reach the church of course you know about all the controversy in the military another plank is this strong action should be taken against any who resist these agendas and charges of bigotry and racism should be raised against all who oppose us where is all this going well in the end of the book Curt and Madsen say we all know what it is that we want and it's this 12 step thing but what's going to sustain this drive they say where is the emotional steam going to come from not from love they write not from patriotism or a sense of fair play the sustaining emotional steam comes from rage rage you may discount what the pious tell you but it is actually rage not love that lays behind all these progressive events America in the 90's is the time and place for rage ice cold controlled and directed rage we need to understand that this is the motivation of the people holding this agenda let me say if we decide to take a stand if we decide that we will not accept this agenda we can anticipate reaction and retribution now listen church we must be willing to stand not in a pious self righteous way not as a pharisee but in a loving but firm courageous way against the broad acceptance of this agenda affirming that God's ways are right his wisdom exceeds our wisdom and his plan for our family structures as revealed in the book of Genesis all the way through the Bible is not only God's way but the best way the way that will bring dignity to life and preserve the fabric of our culture and I want you to know if we make this stand I expect that eventually this church will be criticized you'll be criticized and most especially I'll be criticized it doesn't have to be that way let me say that we're not against the civil rights of anybody in fact Gary Bauer writes in the most recent citizen magazine he says most Americans across a wide spectrum of opinion on homosexuality itself are willing to adopt a live and let live attitude toward what others do in private if that were all this movement were asking for there would be nothing to march about but this movement's peculiar conception of civil rights demands that all reminders of the otherness of their lifestyle be suppressed by law their notion of civil rights would mean a jack boot in the back of the 99% of society that still follows the norms of nature I need to conclude I want to say I know this has been difficult it's the kind of message that people say I want to go to church and have good things and happy things said but I pray today that what you've heard is a blending of the grace and truth that we see in Jesus Christ I want you to know that God has called us as a church to be different and many wonderful things happen in the lives of strugglers in this church you ought to come around here sometime when people come from some of these family situations and see what God's doing in their lives through generations and ministries like that but I also need to tell you that if you're not communicating about this struggle with your elected government officials if you're not praying about it we'll get what we deserve to get if we give up the battle I want to say a word to two groups of people I want to say a word to young people teenagers if for some reason you've had some struggles and you've wondered why do I feel this why do I have these kinds of things happening I want to say to young people please don't interpret every sense of attraction as being necessarily the fact that now that means you're a homosexual if somehow you're going through a period right now in your life where you're trying to figure this out can I ask you to please sit down and talk with one of the pastors if you can't talk to your parents, talk to one of the pastors tell them what you're going through because I've discovered that if you'll do that it's very easy to sort through some of this and get down to what's really happening and I want to say a word to the homosexuals that are here and there's not many don't misunderstand me but I want to say to you thank you for coming today because it took a lot of courage to do that and I want you to know that no matter what you're facing no matter how difficult it's been there is a way through this I had a wonderful hour long meeting this week with a man that I can rightly call a former homosexual who discovered even through years and years of pain and agony that God had not abandoned him and I want to say to the homosexuals that are here number one don't give up it's going to be the most difficult thing you've ever done but don't give up number two Jesus Christ is full of grace and truth cling to him and he'll give you the power that you need to get through this number three get involved in some sort of expression of community life where you can process this don't withdraw and don't think the answer is just to come out and declare it and then have people deal with you from a different perspective but rather find a trusted group much as this new friend of mine did he found a group and a local church that helped him to walk through this for the last four years it won't happen I don't believe it's just like deliverance and it's all over I believe it's a process of healing but it can happen and I want to say church let's learn to be embracing of people who struggle no matter what their struggle is we've been given the grace of God and I believe that grace and love is stronger than judgment and hate and will prevail thank you today for being willing to listen to this and being courageous enough to look at it for what it is and let's believe God to move us together in grace and truth would you stand with me for prayer please we should be able to do some of this ourselves.