Alive and Well VI, How to Maintain Your Recovery

We want to talk today about an important subject and as you're getting that out I just wanted to say you know um folks have been saying to me. You know in this whole series on recovery I just wish you would be a little more Transparent about some of your struggles one of my hang-ups as you probably know if you've been here a while is I've been married 30 years, and I've had a bit of a time adapting to my wife's affection for cats But I'm getting better, and I'm overcoming this hang-up and in fact a while back someone from The Humane Society was coming around asking for donations, and you know I I gave a donation and Yeah, and I got one of those things that you know that you put on your window that There's like like a kid rescue thing, but it was a cat rescue thing And well I even showed to you there it is Okay We just we're getting over it. It just takes a little while All right going on my wife's gonna. Take me home and Let them sleep on my tummy or something like that all right These five weeks now our sixth week in this series have been Very eye-opening for lots of people I'm not sure that we fully understand how many people are dealing With these kinds of behaviors we've been talking about I know through the emails And the letters I've been getting that a lot of you have appreciated the fact that we're we're having the courage to look in To rather dark subjects for some people and bring them into the light because you see if you can't do that What good is religion? I mean religion is just man's effort to try to please God The Christianity as I know it is God's power To change our lives day by day, and we've been hearing some incredible stories along the way, and I want to thank our staff I want to thank Pastor John sighs in his team for a live again. It's launching out in a powerful way I was here Tuesday night. That was the worst day of the snowstorm that never came and That night there were 83 people that came through that weather to get here So I just want to encourage you if you haven't plugged into a live again. It's time to do that It's not too late. It will be an amazing encouragement to you, but many of you are seeing changes lots of people are saying well You know I'm not sure I understood this when you began, but now it's beginning to make sense and Now you're getting on the road to recovery you're starting to deal with some things and now some of you are still in denial you still don't think you have anything to deal with and I don't know what to do other than just to Implore you to keep asking God and I'm going to show you something for the day about examining yourself on that But if you are on the road, what is the most common thing that happens to people once they start out in this journey? What's the most common thing that happens they fall back? They have a great struggle Does that ever happen to you? Have you ever started to make a change in behavior and had a problem? How many of you started an exercise program? There we go lasted six months three One day, I mean I'm less than one day. I January one man. I was on that treadmill January 2nd. I was how many ever started diet must a thousand pounds Total over the last 30 years and you look the same And I could go on the workaholic clears his or her schedule out and then you know over time it fills back up again or more seriously perhaps the alcoholic Gets clean and then falls back and so on and so on Well, this is called going into a relapse and relapse is simply defined up here on your outline falling back into self-defeating patterns Falling back into self-defeating patterns, and it happens in a very predictable pattern this this relapse thing loved ones is not difficult To understand it happens very predictably. Here's the four phases of it. It begins with complacency You know we see a short-term gain We're not all the way out of the woods We were improved and so we think we know our pains been reduced we can we can live with it But the fact of the matter is You're fooling yourself You say well, I don't need a group or a counselor. I don't need any particular kind of thing to work I'll just a little better now. I can do it and you get complacent the next thing that happens is Confusion sets in because there your mind begins to tell you well I'm doing okay, and maybe I didn't have really that bad of a problem to begin with and I was just sort of Reacting and I was just a little bit alarmed And you get confused about your true condition that moves on to compromise, and that's when you slip back into temptation Things you know you start getting yourself in the way of things that used to cause you to fall You go back to the to the club where the friends hang out and you're tempted to drink you you show up at the mall Where you know that just as soon as you get the cards out you can spend more than you should whatever it is You turn the computer screen back on and look at things that you shouldn't be and so on and then finally And perhaps more seriously than anything else these behaviors Pull you right back in and Ends up in what's it? I'm just going to call it catastrophe you fall back into the habit the old pain the old hurt, and you know what happens Self-hate returns guilt returns you start going back down and thinking what's wrong with me? How come I can't get out of this and the people around you? Also begin to hurt again now remember this this moment the catastrophe the collapse That's not the relapse the relapse begins back when you get complacent And so I want to talk to you today about what causes that Even though you know what you should do what keeps you from doing it And let me just share with you relatively quickly or five things that can cause a relapse number one I Believe in America today because of all the bombardment we have about our own Capabilities and all we number one underestimate the power of sin. I hope you're writing this down This will help you and it'll help you to help others underestimate the power of sin The verse on your outline is an important one It's from first Peter 580. It says be self-controlled alert for your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion Looking for someone to devour Jesus was clear the thief comes to do three things to steal kill and destroy and We underestimate the power of sin and so we dabble with it not knowing that once it gets its claws into us It can pull us right back down into destruction We have to understand that power Paul the great apostle in Romans 7 wrestled internally with the struggle yet so the very things I want to do I can't do and the things I don't want to do I do Romans 7 15 and Sin has an enormous power over our lives. You know, it's like you can be right in the verge I mean you can be moving along in your recovery and something happens and just like a heartbeat I mean before you can even think about it. You've done it ever had that happen I mean, it's right there the temptations there and you oh, yeah and so you sort up the conversation with a person that you shouldn't and quickly get back into a pattern of a Relationship that's wrong or you pick up the drink before you've really thought about the implications on your life and family Whatever it might be for you Number two, we revert to willpower Paul writes in Galatians 3 3, how can you be so foolish you began by God's Spirit? Do you now want to finish by your own power? We have a few successes and we begin to think hey, you know what? I'm getting this down I'm starting to know what this is about and we lose sight of The fact that it's God's grace We start by the Spirit But we revert over to the flesh and we think well, you know, I Can make this happen The Zechariah 4 6 is not by might not by poverty by my spirit. God says I'm gonna enable you to make change It's not about trying harder. It's about continuing to trust number three or letter C. We ignore one of the steps Now this is a part that's gonna just trip up a number of people today because you see it's difficult for us to understand that Every step on the road to recovery we've made eight of them The 12-step program has 12 of them, but we've combined a few just to make a little simpler But it includes all 12 in the 8 that we are providing for you. You can't skip over them I mean you can't say after Dave's message last week Well, you know, I may have heard some people and I might have some pain in my life, but I'm not gonna forgive them I'm just gonna stay in my little prison. You can't skip that step because if you do You'll stay stuck Some people say well, it takes too much time what you're telling me. It just takes too much time to get involved So well, you know what you didn't get into this situation overnight, and you're not gonna get out of it overnight But you can get out of it So go ahead and complete each of the steps and continue to progress and then continue to work them and you'll find Liberty as you'll hear in a testimony in just a moment Number four letter D. You try to recover on your own. Oh boy. Do we love this one? I can manage this. I don't need anybody You're just asking for a relapse I've had people say, you know, I really like the messages it's been a good series I say to him. Well, have you had any application? Well, yeah, and then I'm working that out I said do you think you might need to try alive again? No, I don't really think I want to talk to anybody But it's not really anyone else's business those kind of things. Well, you know what? You're like a person that Just believes that well things will work out on their own. I can handle on my it's like this It's like driving down Interstate 79 55 miles an hour Whatever speed you're comfortable at and I'm not comfortable there and And you take your hands off the wheel now what's gonna happen the instant you take your hands off the wheel I Mean if your car is halfway decent probably nothing It'll go on for a while, but what's gonna happen a quarter of a mile a half a mile. I'm inevitably what's gonna happen you're gonna slide right off the road and Pile it up. That's what's gonna happen. And if you don't get someone else to put your hands around I Can promise you you're gonna relapse You're gonna go back We need each other one reason why we're sharing these testimonies is so we can help see one another I don't know about you, but when I hear them I hear things about myself that help me we see denial through the eyes of others in our own self from time to time and I just pray that you'll be encouraged To plug into others look at Ecclesiastes for nine says two are better off than one because if one of them falls Down the other can help him up when someone is alone and falls It's just too bad because he has no one to help him up if you're gonna if you're not plugged in who's gonna help you Up if you get tempted who's gonna be there for you If you get into trouble who you gonna call let her eat all of this really is Born out of the last one. That's the fact that we become prideful It's interesting when we're slammed down by something that we've been caught up in and realize it's killing us You know we get humbled, but then as we make progress pride reemerges, and we think well We're just doing okay here look at Proverbs 16 18 pride goes before a fall or before destruction It's the way it's gonna happen Pride gets in us all and and and you know what it stirs up things that are bigger than us our ability to manage Pride causes us to think that we're strong when we're not do you remember about 12 years ago when? the Cold War was still in high gear and a young teenage boy a German boy flew his aircraft Into the Kremlin and landed it in Red Square the most highly guarded airspace at that time in the world Flew his little private plane and remember that That was a stunning the whole world. How did he do that? he did it because unguarded strength is sometimes the greatest weakness and They just they didn't have an air guard there because they're there someone could never get that far across their borders And if that's exactly it's a parable of life for many of us Pride just causes us to lay down the defenses and you know we don't Make amends we don't follow through We don't keep seeking Encouragement on a daily basis loved ones We end up blame shifting We end up blaming someone else. What is it about us that always wants to blame someone else for our problem? That's what pride does We live in a society that loves lawsuits And I've thought about this and I think the root reason for that the root cause is we are just so doggone pride But we don't want to ever admit we made a mistake. Oh I'm gonna find a reason I had a hot cup of coffee. It's your fault. I dropped in my lap Hello while back Carol and I went out to a dinner together with a Another couple and it was a beautiful evening, and we were gonna be eating outdoors you know just can imagine that right now, but it was it was really lovely and we'd waited for a table and Set out to go out to the table, and you know it was one of those kind of inviting sort of Environments and and there was like a little lamps burning in the music playing and then you know it It was just a gorgeous thing and I was looking at her Wow look at you know how cool that is I was falling there was a couple in front of us And then the hostess was leaving him and Carol was kind of right behind me and I know we walked walked down the two steps and the problem was there were three and when I hit the third one I was looking out like this like And you know did a very graceful Swan dive smashed down the couple didn't even know this kept right on walking. I just popped up Okay, yeah, oh boy. Are you slick you know of course the people not the tables were like okay? What's this guy doing and The first thing in my head was you know why didn't they have a light there, or why didn't know? Not remember the couple already did it the hostess already did I mean it was my fault But the first thing in my head was it was their fault. Well. What is that just don't allow pride to keep you From acknowledging your true condition because the cost is so very high I want you to hear from someone today who um has come through an awful lot and I'm so delighted He's going to share because he's going to help some of you today to realize the gravity of these decisions that you're making He's come through it He's more than a conqueror But it's been a very painful road and he's going to share it with you give a warm welcome today to Jim Benton as he comes to share his testimony Hey, brother. Thank you so much. I guess right there where you can Put your things right Morning My there's a great many of you out there My name is Jim Benton. I'm a North Way member a believer of the word and a 19-year recovering alcoholic I Was raised in a Southern Baptist home down in Texas All through my childhood and teen years I felt somewhat out of place like a round peg in a square hole We were poor and I know that that was part of my feelings of inferiority. I Was a twin and my twin brother was stillborn. I had asthma and was not expected to live I Survived these ordeals and many others during my lifetime because I firmly believe God had and has a plan for my life During my high school years. I discovered alcohol in the form of beer. I Was I found that after a few beers I became a different person than I usually was. I Felt like I was a part of the in crowd. I could do things. I could not do before Alcohol became my friend and opened up a whole new world for me and I like my new world very much. I Refused to listen to my conscience Looking back. I know now that this was a beginning of a point of no return for my life Had I concentrated on my beliefs and my training my life after that would have been much different Upon graduation from high school. I joined the US Navy It was there. I really learned how to drink. I Very soon built up a tolerance to alcohol that put me in the class of the heavy drinkers It was also there that I started having some of the adverse effects of alcohol on a regular basis Such as really bad hangovers blackouts getting into trouble getting into fights and getting thrown into jail After each of these incidents, I would be thoroughly ashamed knowing that the things I was doing were very displeasing to God Of course, I didn't know it then but I was in the early stages of alcoholism. I Met my wife Jane and we were married and started our lives together upon being discharged from the service We started our journey together with God's blessing and had three wonderful children along the way This July Jane and I will be married 41 years Alcoholics very often lose their families through their addiction and I am eternally grateful to God For giving my wife and my children the strength to stand by me and encouraged me to get help In the early years of my drinking when I would get into a jackpot because of my drinking I Would stop a while sometimes for long periods. I Could do this because I was what we call a periodic drunk This was also a source of bewilderment and dismay on the part of my family and friends They would say if you can stop for six months, why can't you stop for good? But sadly that is not how alcoholism works It was then I would begin a history of alcoholism that would continue until 1981 Along the way were hangovers jitters bleary eyes missing work Pain and a lot of my body lying cheating Spending money that should have gone for my family broken promises over and over Shame disgrace agony remorse guilt anger hatred blackouts overnight visits to jail cells the shakes DTS Hallucinations hospital stays rehabs loss of jobs loss of respect loss of self-respect and self-worth and despair So great. I just didn't want to go on living. I Remember sitting in my pickup in my driveway late one night after a four or five day binge not wanting to go inside and face the music and thinking God knows I am no good to anyone not even myself. I may as well go ahead and end it all When I suddenly recalled through my alcohol-soaked mind some words that Paul had said I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I Kept repeating this over and over and came to realize that after all I had done and all I had been through Jesus still loved me and was telling me so there alone in my pickup in The early morning hours of the day that changed my life forever During the last couple of years of my drinking my wife had found the program of Al-Anon Which is a group of alcoholism dependents helping each other to cope with living with an alcoholic During this time. I had some exposure to alcoholics anonymous But after all I had been through I still did not want to stop drinking Alcohol had me firmly it's and it's grass However with God's grace this time was going to be different. I Looking back only to see the wreckage of the past and strengthen my resolve I Was introduced to AA's 12 steps and started working on changing my life The first three steps got me off the ground step one Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives were unmanageable. I Had many times admitted this but this time I accepted it Step two came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. I Welcome this with open arms because I always felt if I was ever going to get my life turned around God was going to be involved Step three made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him This step was my salvation I knew that I had made a total failure of my life in almost every regard and I welcome my lord to come into my life to help me back to sanity Over the years I've worked all the steps in my life and still do I Believe the single most important part of my recovery is my daily conscious contact with God. I Remember an old gospel song from my childhood that had the words throw out the lifeline My lifeline is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ Who rescued me from a terrible suffering and despair and placed me? Not only on the road to recovery, but also on a journey to a spiritual plane that I cannot begin to imagine. I Know in my heart as long as I try to do God's will each day in my life And help another person along the way Especially to carry the message to some poor soul that is suffering from my affliction I will continue on that spiritual plane and someday Stand in the presence of the Lamb of God. I Believe that I am truly a miracle changed forever by God's grace and when adversity comes and persecution comes as it surely will I Will stand and be counted as a believer and follower of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ Thank you for listening and God bless you all How God wants us to be spared from such pain and yet So often we won't heed his warnings Won't allow ourselves to lay hold of his grace. I want to just share with you as we wrap up the message today How you can come to the place of not falling back and I have to tell you it's interesting as I thought about this and We are casting this in terms of recovery But another word that I just want to throw in here You've heard this word. It's not really a biblical word, but the concept I'm sure you've heard it's called backsliding It's on your outlining but you heard that word and it's not a biblical word and it's used many times in an incorrect way But it's the same idea It's the idea of making strange strides in your in your journey with Christ and then falling back down as the image And our graphic today points to falling back into the old ways Let me share with you how you can break that and it has to do with The next step let's go ahead and put that up, please it's this Reserve a daily time Jim mentioned this so clearly reserve a daily time with God for self-examination Bible reading and prayer in order to know God and his will for my life and gain the power to do it That's mark 1438 watch and praise that he will not fall into temptation for the spirit is willing but the flesh or the body is weak We need some safeguards We need some specific things that we can apply ourselves to now listen you don't do these in order to gain grace But you do them in order to be sure that you're receiving grace Grace is undeserved. It's unmerited you You don't earn it, but you do things in order to be in its way I want to talk about three of them and the first one is the one that most people just skip right over and miss and some Of us here today Are gonna fall back again because we're just gonna gloss over this it's it's the step of Evaluation self-evaluation second Corinthians 13 5 Paul writes check up on yourself examine yourself. It says in the NIV Limitations 340 let us examine ourselves and let us repent. The problem is loved ones that we are very Cautious about this we don't know, you know how to really do this We don't even think it's all that important We look down and we compare ourselves to somebody else and we say well, you know, I've got some problems But I'm not really in the same category as that person or you know I might have a bit of a problem with somebody. I'm not you know I'm not as bad as Jim was or whatever we compare ourselves with another person I wanted to just I was just praying for a way to to look at this the importance of this point and We came up with something and I I think you'll find helpful Interestingly, but not surprisingly in our high pressure world Professional athletes world-class athletes have discovered a way to greatly improve their progress because they want to be the best because of course they want you know, they want all the Success and acclaim and fulfillment that comes from that and they found this and they have found it's not just about you know Trying harder on their own. It's about learning how to evaluate themselves specifically in order to improve their performance and Something has developed in the last few years that has greatly elevated the level of performance of a number of athletes particularly Olympic track and field athletes and and baseball players and now professional golfers and There's a firm that's on the leading edge of this It's called model golf and it's interesting that the president that company happens to be a North Way member And so he was sharing with us this technology and I want to use a little video clip to demonstrate how Careful examination can help you to elevate your walk now. It's an analogy It's a parable. Okay, when Jesus was walking the earth He would say I'm a farmer went out to sow a seed now some people were farmers and they Related to that and people who weren't farmers. Well, you know, they had to kind of stretch a little bit So just imagine Jesus saying there was a golfer. So I can't imagine that well, I Could if you live today, you think you want to relate to the 26 and a half million golfers in America? So even if you're not a golfer the analogy will be helpful and Let's take a look at this and we're gonna make a couple of observations as we go because there's some very important points to be made Here, let's watch Thanks Dan over the past 20 years sports scientists from model golf have filmed and researched the swings of over 100 of the top players on the PGA Tour players like Nicholas Palmer Irwin Norman type Stewart and Floyd as well as the swing of yours truly when I was playing my best But it's what the scientists have done with the research. That's really intriguing For they have taken the best of all the swings from the power of Tiger Woods to the control of Hal Sutton to the tempo of Vijay Singh to the Explosiveness of David Duvall to the consistency of Jim Furyk and merge these traits into a single model swing The result is a performer that has a perfect golfer bill and can consistently drive the ball 300 yards right down the middle of the fairway I want to pause there and say if you're not a golfer, that's good Okay Good Go ahead Even more importantly the model swing can be altered to fit the body dimensions of any golf So it can be molded into Tigers six-foot powerful frame change to match Sutton's more bulky bill Vijay's lanky frame Duvall's shorter bill or Furyk's athletic frame. I want you to notice here that one particular model doesn't fit everybody the model has to be adapted and This relates to us in that God has created us uniquely So we're not talking about robots that all do everything exactly the same. Okay next point So with the ability to build the model swing for any golfer We can use it to show you the strengths and weaknesses of any swing So let's start with last year's winner right here at Doral Jim Furyk who has what most people consider to be the most unusual swing on Tour from the back view. Let's look at Jim's tempo compared to his model It's apparent that since they match exactly one of the major reasons why he is so consistent is due to his brilliant swing tempo I pause here and say one of the benefits of evaluation is you can see some things you're doing. Well, it's not always negative Sometimes it's real very affirming and positive. So keep that in mind. Okay Taking a closer look at his setup position if we overlay his model It is evident that his body closely matches the most obvious difference is that Jim's ball position is about five inches closer than his model This forces him to move his hands closer to his body and shift his weight slightly back on his heels This setup promotes a pull fade, which is his typical shot pattern Now this is really something Notice that his setup affects everything else about 80% of all errors in golf are because of the setup. The analogy is this if you don't have the right foundation If you don't know Christ And if you haven't taken the step of being baptized and being established in the kingdom You can try a lot of different things along the way and it just isn't gonna work. Keep making the same mistakes All right. Go ahead, please Before we begin the swing to better show both Jim and his model We can display the skeleton of his model then remove the full figure Bringing the swing to the top Jim exactly matches his model with his body However, it's extremely vertical arm position when compared to his model is what everyone focuses on to play tour quality golf He has to somehow recover from this position One last thing to note here you see just one mistake just that one thing with his arms being out of alignment Everything else has to adapt to that and I want to make the point here that you can be doing a lot of things Well in your Christian walk, but you can have one Besetting sin one major flaw that will distort everything else that you do. Very important. Okay, let's finish Just prior to impact Jim has brought his club back online This virtual match with his model is why he is so consistent The only weakness is that since his arms are so close to his body He doesn't clear his body out of the way He risks turning the club over and pull hooking the ball, which is where his bad shots tend to go Jim moves to the end of the swing in a classic finish his obvious strengths or his ability to consistently hit shots that vary from Straight to fade his weakness lies and his difficulty in producing a controllable draw Jim Furyk swing is a great example of the importance of balance and good tempo So now you've seen that even though Jim swing looks very unique He does get the club into the correct position at impact and that's what allows him to play. Well, so consistently All right now Thank you for just hanging in there with this. There's so much that could be said, but just let me tie it together this way In model golf, they've created a computer model. Who is our model? Jesus Christ, that's right in model golf. What they do is they Display that model according to your particular profile and then you you begin to do things in order to align yourself with that perfect model We don't have that. But what do we have to show us how it is that we're supposed to conduct ourselves. Well, we have God's Word Jesus is not here in the flesh But this book reveals everything about his character and about who he is to help us know what we're to be like And the amazing thing is it's not just something we have to aspire to or try to achieve on our own But he puts his spirit in us to give us the grace to do it You see the the real disconnect is in golfing you end up, you know You're on it on your own in the Christian walk You have the presence of God in you to fulfill the expectation of God of you now in model golf The president company who's a member here was telling me, you know It's not a quick fix These people get into this and it takes them months of practice drill drill drill change thing But and it's the same thing with the Christian life It's not just a quick prayer and a zap and everything changes If you take that you get that initial step, right? And then you said you begin to apply the grace of God to the parts of your life where you need to change but the net result of being a person who evaluates is that you are going to change and Let me just say this if this much energy and effort and input goes toward just improving your golf swing Isn't it worth changing something about yourself for eternity's sake? That would be my argument So, how do we do that? Well evaluation when do we evaluate moment by moment three times moment by moment end of the day and once a year get away Get away and do a spring cleaning of your life All right. Number two on your outline is meditation meditation Meditation talking about meditating on what? Well, the meditation has a bad rap because we think about meditation in terms of what? Eastern religions and you know No, we're talking about meditating on the Word of God Letting God's Word begin to shape your thoughts because what do most of us do when we get into situations? What do most of us do in circumstances pile up? What do most of us do? We worry, don't we? We wonder how's it gonna work out? What am I gonna do? How am I gonna change? Am I gonna make it and worry in essence is just in to me worry is negative meditations It's figuring out what's gonna go wrong rather than holding on to God's Word and what's gonna go, right? And I want to just put a strong emphasis on this because I believe that one of the keys to not Relapsing is to have God's Word in your heart and in your mind loved ones We don't do enough To own God's Word We don't memorize it enough. We don't study it enough and We're committed. I'll tell you we're committed We're gonna be improving what we do here in terms of supplying you with the tools those of you have a heart To take God's Word and make it part of your life because it is a lifeline and it will keep you on tra