Alive and Well III, A Look In the Mirror

For this morning, if you're a guest, what we try to do is provide you with an outline with some scriptures on it, so that you can have something to dialogue around after the service and talk about, and then keep for future reference as well. And by the way, I want to thank those of you who have called in with some Pastor Dave sightings and a white accord moving along with a driver who seemed to be totally out of control. He is there. He's just kind of hiding. He's not sure where he's going. If he weren't here last week, that would need a context. But I didn't quite understand that myself. But on Valentine's Day, this past Wednesday, I was heading through Cranberry on my way to Beaver to take my mom out to dinner. Carol and I thought it would be a fun thing to do. And you know, Valentine's Day is a sad day for lots of people who are lonely. And so we were on our way over there. And we got to Cranberry, and it was like a tailgate party. I mean, maybe 4, 430-ish. I mean, just people were just, the traffic was just way beyond what I'd normally seen. It backed up. And that made me late for picking my mom up. And that made us late getting to the restaurant. And by that time, this was one of those no reservation restaurants, you know, first come, first serve. So what they told us would be a 10 or 15-minute wait was a 45-minute wait. That always makes for a great evening. You're just kind of sitting there, and then you're watching all these dinners go by, and you're just getting hungrier and hungrier. And by the time it was all said and done, I started thinking, you know, this is only happening because people are making an effort to do on one day what they should do every day. That's to tell people that they love them, and they're special. And I thought, you know, life is like that. Lots of times, we won't do something we really ought to do until we hit a crisis, until we hit something that so affects us that we have to act or pay a very dear consequence. Too often, we get stuck in life. Some of us are stuck right now in a job situation that we don't know how to handle in terms of pressure. Some of us are stuck in relationships that we know aren't healthy. Some have habits that we can't seem to deal with. Others of us are stuck in grief over a loss or a misunderstanding. Some are stuck in anger about a violation that you've encountered in your life. Some are stuck in sexual kinds of contexts, things that you're dabbling in that you know aren't right, but you just find yourself stuck there. Others of us are stuck in fantasies and moods and some even in addictions that are bringing you down physically. All of these things, you see, are robbing the life from you that God has purposed for you to have. And if you're a believer in God, I mean, if you believe in Christ in your own personal life, this is even more difficult because, you see, you add guilt and shame to that because you know you shouldn't be. You should be able to access his power. You should be able to get free, but you're not able to, and so you oftentimes can slip down even farther into a depression, and the cycle deepens. So how do we break out of that? Well, that's what this series is about. It's about becoming alive and well. I know lots of people who are alive, but aren't well. That's why we're taking these seven weeks to look at these steps that we can enter into. Look in your outline. We looked at week number one about realizing that I'm not God. Admit that there are parts of our lives that we just are powerless to control. And then last week, we looked at how God is there and his hope for us is real, and he has a way for us through this because of who he is. And this week, I want to talk about the third step. If you're taking notes, you might want to jot this down. It's to consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control. That's step number three. Look at the hope of the words of Jesus in Matthew 11. Come to me, all you who are weary and overburdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Are you burdened today? Are you carrying a yoke? Do you feel weighted down? And Jesus says, come to me. Jesus wants to break that cycle in our lives. Now, this happens by choosing to commit. And I want to say very clearly here this morning that many of you have heard me say this and other pastors and other people who have the privilege of sharing God's word. You've heard people say, well, you got to make a commitment. And you've wrestled through that, and maybe there haven't been times that you've thought you did and then something happened. But I want you to know, this is a very important step. You cannot go on and get free. You cannot go on and get well unless you choose to make a commitment. Let me give you three reasons why you may choose not to make one. Things that you may not consciously be aware of but are affecting you, holding you back. Number one, Roman numeral one on your outline. The first one, and probably the most obvious is pride. Pride. We live in a culture that prides itself on independence, on self-sufficiency, where admitting need is equated as a weakness and something to be avoided. But one of the verses that causes me and gives me pause and causes me to just back up every time I read it is James 4, 6, which says, God opposes the proud. How many would like to be there where God's opposing you? I mean, it's one thing to not be paying attention, but he's opposing you. That's not a good situation. But the same verse goes on to say, but he gives grace to the humble. So the beginning point is to recognize that pride can cause you to just push God away. I don't need him. I can deal with it on my own. Look at the verse on your outline. Arrogant people are on their way to ruin. They may not know it, but they will fall into destruction. And God says, I've seen it all. I've seen all the things that you think that you can handle. I've seen all your self-sufficiencies and your own ego-driven kind of ways. He said, but I'm calling you. And if need be, I'll just keep calling you. And I do have an antidote to pride, and it's called pain. And if you'd like more of it, I don't want to give it to you, but I'll allow it to come because I love you enough that I want you to come and yield to me. The second thing that will hold you back is guilt. Guilt that says, you know, I'm ashamed to ask God for help. More and more people today are ashamed of their past. They've gotten involved in things that they don't ever know how they got into. They started out innocently, and it got more and more complex and more and more debilitating in their lives. Look what the psalmist writes. King David says, this problem's far too big for me to solve or piled higher than my head. Meanwhile, my sins, too many to count, have all caught up with me, and I am ashamed to look up. Have you ever felt ashamed that God, that God, you can't possibly be willing to accept me again after the number of times that I failed? People say to me, you know, if I were God, I wouldn't forgive me again. And I'm quick to remind them what I mentioned to you in the first message in this series. What was the first principle? I'm not God. Aren't you glad that God's not just like you? Aren't you glad that God is more forgiving than you are? And so you can fail again and again and again, and as long as you come back to him and say, Lord, I don't know why I'm in this pattern, but forgive me, he will. He loves you that much. And I want to establish with you today that there's nothing that you've done that's too great for God to forgive. The third thing that might keep you, and perhaps the one that's most prevalent today in a group like this is fear. Fear that I'm afraid I might have to give up something that I just want to hold on to. I had a person tell me once, you know, he said, I've always just enjoyed a few beers, and I don't think there's anything wrong with having a few beers. Do you, Pastor Jay? And I said, I know we talk about it a little bit. And he said, no, if I really give my life to God, will I have to give up my beers? And I said, I don't know what God's gonna tell you to do, but just ask yourself the question. Are a few beers worth keeping yourself from the plan of God? All of us wonder, is there some fine print in this thing about being a committed believer that's gonna keep you from enjoying God? Reminds me of a story that someone passed on to me this week, a story of an ancient monastery where some monks were charged with copying old books and scrolls for the faith. One day, Father Florian, who headed the work of the scriptorium, was asked by a new monk, well, does not the copying by hand of other copies allow for chances of error? How do we know we're not copying the mistake to someone else? Are they ever checked against the originals? Well, a very good point, Father Florian agreed. I'll take one of the latest books down to the vault and compare it to the original. So after a day had passed and the priest had now returned, the monks began to worry. And when they went to the vault, they found him weeping over the ancient manuscripts. What's the problem, Father? That's one of the monks. A mistake, he sobbed, a mistake. The word was supposed to be celebrate. Okay. Bump your neighbor and explain it to him. If they're not getting it, tell them, celebrate. Not, okay. And you see, some of us think that there's some fine print in this that we're gonna miss. And that God's gonna somehow consign us to something that we don't want in life. You know, I'll forever be through having fun. You know, I'll become a religious nut or something. Listen, loved ones, the God who created you knows exactly what you need to live a fulfilled life. He knows exactly what you need to rise to the fullness of your destiny and design in him. People say to me, I don't want anything to control me. That's something that's very common in this culture. I just wanna be free to make my own decisions. I'll hear that. Well, you know what? Every one of us is controlled by something. We're either controlled by what other people think. We're controlled by our own ego drives. We're controlled by some things that happened in our past that we're not even conscious of that are moving us towards something that we don't even understand. All of us are controlled by something. The question is, who is controlling you? Because the only real control that matters is the control of God. Because when God controls you, the Bible says it this way, he whom the sun sets free is free indeed. That's where true liberty comes. So what are you holding on to that you think you can't give up? What possession or habit? What relationship? What ambition? Is it worth it? Is it worth not knowing God? I wanna remind you of the words of the Apostle Paul when he writes this in Philippians 3. Whatever was to my prophet, and he was a man, by the way, of distinguished achievement, high reputation, I now consider loss, he says, for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. Paul said, listen, all that I have, he uses this phrase, he says, it's just no more than a pile of dung compared to knowing Christ. That's the nature of the God that we love. I wanna share something with you, very important, in the bottom of your outline, please be careful not to confuse the decision phase with the problem-solving phase. Put that in your outline. Don't confuse the decision phase with the problem-solving phase. What do I mean by that? Because you see, for many people, they come to the conclusion that they've gotta fix their problem, or solve their problems, and then get on with making a decision that somehow is going to draw them closer to God. That isn't the way it works. You make the decision first, and the process follows. Let me take you back to 1963. President Kennedy, JFK, said, we're gonna put a man on the moon at the end of the decade. Many of his critics at that time said, it'll never happen. We were way behind in the space race and all that. He said, we're gonna do this. He made this pronouncement. How many of you remember that? He made this, now what was that? That was a decision, wasn't it? And then he turned to NASA, he said, now you fix all the problems. And the next six and a half years, they did it. One of the great achievements of the century was putting a man on the moon. Your Christian walk begins with a decision. I'm gonna commit my life. And then you begin the process of solving your problems. And I know this very well personally. I remember when I was 16, some of you here today are high schoolers. When I was a high schooler, I came to a point of knowing I needed a change in my life. And so I made a decision. And I remember it was a very emotional moment for me. I can take you back, I won't go into the detail of it. But it was very clear in my mind that something had happened. But then no one told me there was a process that you had to enter into to begin to grow in faith. And so I just started dabbling around and going back into my old things. And I did so much of that that I even began to wonder, I began to doubt that anything happened. Did you ever do that? Did you ever make a decision and nothing really changed? So you look back and say, well, maybe that really wasn't real. And maybe I was just making it up. I thought that. Until I became a freshman in college, halfway through my freshman year, another student was observing my behaviors and he assumed the same thing that maybe nothing happened in this guy's life. He was so messed up. So he shared his faith. And I said, well, you know, I've already made a decision. He said, yeah, but you haven't entered into the process. And he showed me the steps of the process. And over the next months, and I was kind of kicking and screaming as I was going, I realized there was a whole world out there I didn't know about. It starts with a decision, but it's followed by a process. Take your outline. How many of you already turned it over on the other side? Ah, getting ahead here. Back it up. Didn't you wonder why I skipped over the blanks up above there? There's a fourth step. Openly examine and confess my faults and struggles to myself, to God, and to another person I trust. See, we're spelling recovery along the left side. That's what we're talking about. This is the fourth step of the process of becoming alive and well. Openly examine and confess my faults and struggles to myself, to God, and to another person. This is a critical, critical step. How do we do it? Well, let me just walk you through. It's very clear once you begin to look at scripture. Here's what you do. First of all, now you can turn your outline over. Take a personal inventory of my areas of pride and guilt and fear or doubt or whatever's hanging you up with God. Worry, whatever it might be. Take a personal inventory. And by that, I mean, listen, literally take, I did it this way. I took a legal pad and a pen, and I just, I got away for a while, and I just started writing down the things about myself that I knew that God wasn't pleased about. And I remember the first time I did that, I ended up with eight pages of things. Does that surprise you? Some of you are going, no, not at all for you, buddy. Surprised it wasn't more than eight pages. And I have made that a practice of my life on a regular basis of writing down things. I say, Lord, these things, why? Because you see, something happens when you move it from just up here in your head, and you let it run through your fingertips and onto a piece of paper, because it just sort of becomes something of substance right there. And then I take that pad and lay it down before God and say, God, these are the things I know that, well, look, it even says here, Psalm 138. Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test my thoughts. Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad. I said, Lord, this makes you, this breaks your heart, and I want it to change because it's not right. If you're here today, you think, well, I'll buy it. Maybe I need a postcard, put mine down. You need two pads, if that's what you're thinking, okay? There's a lot in all of us that we need to bring before God. It gets you past the step of denial when you write it down and take a personal inventory. Letter B, accept responsibility for your faults. It's fair to say that for most people, the greatest holdup to the healing of your hangup is you. The greatest holdup to the healing of your hangup is you. We have to begin to be radically honest about the things that are going on in our life and say, it's not all the circumstances, it's not everybody else, it's you, it's me that's the problem. And I feel pretty passionate about this because I see this quite a bit here at Northwood. One of the wonderful advantages, if you will, or blessings of being a long-term pastor in the same place is you get to watch lives unfold and you don't just forget about them. And I see people come face-to-face with issues and then make a choice about fighting them in the grace of God or fleeing from them. And I see people encounter issues in their life and they'll change jobs, they'll change neighborhoods, they'll change cities, they'll change partners, they'll change families, they'll change everything, but they won't change themselves. And I'll have a conversation with someone that's moving to the other part of the country to get away from all this and all that when the problem is really them. Here's the difficult thing. When you're the problem, everywhere you go, you're there. And the problem doesn't change. It just, it may go down for a while and then up it comes again. It resurfaces. Here's three quick don'ts under this point. Don't rationalize your faults. Don't say, hey, it was a long time ago that happened or everybody has something. People rationalize and minimize. Don't do that. Second, don't minimize it. Don't say it's no big deal. I mean, everybody has, well, why are you thinking about it now if it's no big deal? God's bringing it to mind. And third, don't blame others. Well, is their fault mostly? Well, it is, but it's your fault in part. Look at 1 John 1, 8. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. Look at the verse above it. The Lord gave us a mind and a conscience we cannot hide from ourselves. Thank God for that. So if you've been pretending to have all your issues under control, but you don't, then accept responsibility. Then letter C, ask God for forgiveness. 1 John 1, 9 in the Phillips translation, my first Bible. If we freely admit that we've sinned, we find God utterly reliable. Isn't that great? He forgives our sins and makes us thoroughly clean from all that is evil. But notice, loved one, every promise of God has a condition. Notice, what's the first condition? If, circle the word if, if we freely admit that we've sinned. If you don't admit it, then you won't quit it. Now, four things about confessing, asking forgiveness. First of all, don't beg. You don't have to beg, oh God, please forgive me. Won't you please forgive me? You don't have to beg God. He is ready to forgive. It's his nature to want to forgive. Second, don't bargain. Don't say, just forgive me, God, and it'll never happen again. Ever do that? What happens? Almost invariably, do it again, and then you just slip farther. Third thing is, don't bribe. Don't say, God, if you forgive me, if you deal with this, then, you know, I mean, I'll go to church every Sunday. I'll even give something in the offering. I'll work in the parking ministry. I'll do anything. Don't bribe God. All you need to do to receive forgiveness is number four, just believe. Just believe that when Jesus died on that cross, when he extended his arms, the Father looked down and said, for all humanity, that sacrifice is sufficient. When the Father looks down and sees your sin, if you come under the cross of Christ, he doesn't see you and your sin any longer. He sees the record of Christ. I don't understand that miracle, but I'm so thankful for it. It's what sustains me day after day. Just believe him. Look at Isaiah 119, it says, no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you clean as freshly fallen snow. And then letter D, admit my faults to another person. James 5, 16, admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. Loved ones, listen, this is both the most important and the most difficult of these four steps. Many people are thinking right now, all right, you know, I kind of buy what you're saying, Jay, but I do need to get right with God. I do need to get my life, I do need to confess. But why do I have to drag someone else into that? I mean, I kind of grew up thinking, listen, no one needs to know my dirty laundry. Did you grow up that way? I don't need to tell people my stuff. It's my stuff. Here's the reason. This is my conviction. Here's why I believe God requires us to share with someone before we get free. Because you see, fundamentally, all of these things are a violation, not just of God, but of others. Because you think about it, all the things, all the deceptions, the lies, the times that you hid things, the energy or the resources you've invested in sustaining these things, whatever they might be, you've been taking from others. You've been diminishing relationships. And therefore, God is saying, in order to find healing, you need to enter into a relationship. You need to find a trusted person. Now, it's important you understand, we're not talking about, well, we have to have a big session here, close the doors, drop the curtains, and let's just take the mic and walk up and down, and everyone tell, that's not what I'm saying. We're saying find one person. Start with one person, a trusted person. A person who you know will hold you in confidence. Not gonna read about it the next day in the National Enquirer. Find a person that values what you're gonna do, that they know you're taking a big step of faith. Find a person that reflects the forgiveness of Christ back to you and not judgmentalism. Find a person. And I'm sure you know someone like this. And if you don't, just come to one of our team members and we'll direct you there. Come to Alive again and you'll find people like this. But find a person that when you share with them something you're really struggling with, it's not a big shock. You know, oh my gosh, how could you be doing that? Kinda shuts you down when that happens. You know, in my years of pastoring, I've had people start conversations this way many, many times. They said, I don't even know why I'm really here, except that I've never told anybody what I'm about to tell you. And when they say that to me, I have two thoughts. The first one is the carnal side of me, and it's like it is in you that the curiosity, like, wow, I wonder what this is gonna be. But that quickly fades to, wow, this person is just about to get free. They're just about to experience the most amazing thing. The grace of God is gonna come into their life and set them free. And I've heard just about everything you can imagine. You know, honestly, one of the reasons why we're doing this series is it is so burdensome to hear the pain in people. And I don't mean that, you know, like in a weepy kind of way or asking for your sympathy. I mean, it's just, it causes me to groan inside when I see the hurt and the pain in people. When there's freedom and there's liberty in Christ, and we can help one another to experience it. And the last step then is to accept God's forgiveness and to forgive ourselves. Now, if you think this whole message is targeted to just you, trust me when I tell you, it's all of us that are dealing with this. I'm dealing with it as well. But you see, we have to come in the end to say, God, thank you for, He forgives us completely, instantly, and freely. But many of us, some of us here today have not really forgiven ourselves for things we've done. Some of us carry around this baggage. We're always looking in the rear view mirror, wondering, wow, how am I ever gonna get past that? Begin to believe God, look forward into His face and into His vision for your life. I want you to hear a story this morning from someone whose life was radically changed when she discovered that she couldn't get free on her own, and something was really draining the very life out of her. Only God could set her free, and He's done so marvelously. Give a warm welcome now, would you please, to Susan Boss as she comes to share a testimony. Thank you, and I just want to mention these wonderful people that share, they come to all three services, and I just so appreciate your commitment. Thank you. Good morning. Good morning. My name is Susan Boss. I'm a born-again Christian with a food addiction in recovery for today, only by the grace of God. When I was first asked to give my testimony, I thought to myself, I can't do that. I'm not good enough yet. I still struggle at times, and I still have bad days. But then I heard Pastor Dave speak a few weeks ago, and God confirmed it in my heart. It's not about you anymore, Susan. It's about Him, Jesus Christ, who gave up His life for you. It's about loving and reaching out to others, and then I knew I had to do this. I grew up in a middle-class family east of Pittsburgh. I was the oldest and only girl of three, and I was raised as a Roman Catholic. I believed in God all my life, and I attended church regularly, but I did not have a true personal relationship with God, and I did not realize how much He loved me, so much that He sent His only son, Jesus, to die for me on the cross. All my life, I was a perfectionist. During high school, I was a high achiever, scholar, and athlete. I graduated valedictorian from my class, and I seemed to have everything going for me. In fact, I really didn't have any problems, and I thought I could control the outcome of my future if only I worked hard enough. That was the mentality I grew up with, but I would soon learn otherwise. I started dieting in high school. I became very body and weight conscious my junior year. I spent a lot of time at the gym doing aerobics and working out, trying to attain the perfect figure. My physical appearance became extremely important to me, and so did my getting attention from the opposite sex. I spent a lot of time reading diet books, fitness magazines, and obsessing about my weight. If I looked in the mirror, I could tell you what I did or that I was never satisfied with what I saw, but I could not tell you who I was as a person on the inside because I really didn't know. When I went away to college, this is when my real problems with food began. I began eating to deal with stress in everyday life. I started binging on large quantities of junk food, especially sweets. I used food to shove down my emotions and numb myself so I didn't have to feel them. As time went on, I was binging more and more, and I was out of control. In between eating binges, I would starve myself, diet, or over-exercise for hours to the point I could barely walk. I was obsessed with my weight and got on the scale all the time because I had such a fear of getting fat. I would only binge in private. I was hiding food, stealing food, and waking up at 2 a.m. in the morning driving to get food. Once, I even wrecked my car while eating. I was out of control, and I felt like a drug addict who needed her next sugar fix. Food had become my god. The more I binged and overate, the more I hated myself. I was full of shame and guilt. I felt afraid, alone, and hopeless. I isolated myself from friends and family. I was in the pit of hell and felt like there was no way out. I just wanted to die. But despite my struggles, I continued to portray to the outside world that I was happy and had it all together, when in reality, I was falling apart. I looked in the mirror, and I still didn't know who I was. The addiction had stolen my life, but I still couldn't admit I needed help. I was too prideful. I was in denial. I continued to try and stop this behavior. With Jenny Craig, NutriSystems, weight loss, SlimFast, diet pills, and other weight loss schemes, but the more I tried, the worse it got. Things got so bad, I had to take a couple of weeks off during college, but this was only the beginning. Over the next six years, I was hospitalized five times for my eating disorder. I continued to relapse because I could not accept the seriousness of my addiction, and I was unwilling to listen to others about what I needed to do to recover. As a result, I went through several mood swings, and many times, I was so depressed, I contemplated suicide. I was on several medications, attended multiple therapy sessions, and sat through hundreds of Overeaters Anonymous meetings. My life continued to be like a roller coaster for another couple years, and it didn't really change until about five years ago. What happened? I remember sitting on my kitchen floor with a brand new sports car in the driveway, a beautiful apartment, a college degree, an excellent career that paid well, and a slim figure, and I asked myself, why am I still unhappy? Why do I feel so empty inside? And why does it feel like there's still something missing in my life? What's next? I'll get married, have kids, and then what? What is the purpose of life? Why am I here? There has to be more. That is when I started searching. I traveled to multiple churches in the Pittsburgh area, and soon thereafter, I was invited to a Bible study at a person's home by a student I was precepting at the hospital I worked. This was about five years ago, and this is when I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I realized I had been living in sin, that I needed help, and that I was lost. Once I let Jesus into my heart, I knew I had found what I was looking for, the hope I never had. Since then, my life has changed in so many ways, but it has been a gradual process. Today, instead of abusing my body, I try to take care of it because I realize it's the temple of the Holy Spirit. I'm no longer searching for things outside myself to make me happy because I feel good on the inside because I know God loves me. I'm able to be honest with myself and honest with others, and I have healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Overall, my life is more balanced, and my moods are more stable. Today, I realize I cannot handle this addiction alone. Not only do I need to ask my Lord and Savior for help each day, but I also need the help and support of others, especially those who struggle with the same problem because they understand what it's like. Each day, I surrender to God and ask for his guidance and direction. I realize today I am not God, even though some days I still try to be. When I try to take back control, I fall down again, and God teaches me another lesson. My life today is a lot less self-centered and a lot more God-centered. I realize the most important thing in life is not what I look like, how much I weigh, or what I eat. What's most important is loving God and loving and serving others. I am much more compassionate because of what I've been through, particularly with those who are sick. Being in the medical field, God has used this for his good. And finally, because of my weakness, I have grown closer to God and have matured as a Christian. Today, when I look in the mirror, I can honestly say that on most days, I accept and like what I see. I see a child of God who is on a journey and wants to grow each and every day. My identity is no longer about what I accomplish or what I look like, but who I am on the inside and who I am in Jesus Christ. I believe God brought me here for a reason. This just proves Romans 8.28 to be true. Everything works together for good for those who love God. I thank Pastor Jay, its staff, and all of you for giving me this opportunity to share my story. With the start of Alive Again, I will be able to reach out to others and get support for myself as well. If you suffer from anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating, food addiction, or any other addiction for that matter, I can tell you, there is hope, there is help, and there is recovery. Jesus loves all of us. We are his children and he wants us to be free of these bondages. He wants us to have life and have it abundantly. I would never